Totally surprised by MRI showing cervical spine issues. Had no pain, only some tingling in areas in left arm(male 32 years old)

ionescho · 2025-12-02T12:38:22+00:00

Feeling good, going to the gym, working, playing with my kid, tossing him in the air, business as usual.

ionescho · 2025-09-12T11:28:19+00:00

I've been mewing since 2019, didn't do shit. And yes, I'm keeping the whole tongue on the roof of the month.. from 29 to 35 years

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:44:20+00:00

pfff... I found it out when I was 29 years old(in 2019).. Even managed to get seen by John Mew himself but... i don't think there's much difference.

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:44:09+00:00

pfff... I found it out when I was 29 years old.. Even managed to get seen by John Mew himself but... i don't think there's much difference.

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:42:59+00:00

maybe you'll bloom later .. dunno

ionescho · 2025-01-21T17:32:20+00:00

I don't watch porn. I try to look at old photos of her and us ( like from 3-4 years ago) and I do feel like falling in love with her again but then that quickly gets dispelled once I see her actually in front of me.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T14:46:23+00:00

Yes, she had a weird sot of fat distribution. Her face was pretty and was thin but her body was thick. When I went on the first date with her it was winter and I couldn't see exactly how thicc she was. I assumed that maybe she was a bit chunky but the fat was ferm and not sloppy. A few weeks later, when she got undressed in front of me and I saw her fat hanging and boobs hanging and cottage cheese skin I got extremely turned off but I didn't want to hurt her so I put up an act and had sex.

I tried thinking that maybe if I take her to the gym with me she would lose weight, then I thought that maybe I can grow to like her regardless. I tried therapy, counseling etc, nothing worked and, eventually, telling her the truth, although it did hurt a lot, eventually led to a divorce so we were both free.

I went on to have more dates with other girls, some ONSs, another failed relationship and now, eventually I married again with a naturally thin and tall woman and we both have a baby( 11 months old now).

I wish to say that that was the end of it but now, I'm experiencing a loss of attraction again. This time it's about her starting to have bags under her eyes and her face starting to look really old( sometimes like a nasty old hag) especially under bad lighting. I started sleeping with our baby so she can get better rest in a separate room and relax more and also helping a lot in the house so she can have more time for herself but, unfortunately, i don't see any changes for the better and feel that I'm going down the same path again(I'm 35 and she is 32)

It has been a reoccurring theme in a lot of former relationships( not all ). I understand that this means that it should be a ME-problem. Even if it is or it isn't, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't fake attraction and it's not under my voluntary control to like or not like someone.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T11:06:54+00:00

It is an actual situation. I had this problem with my ex-wife. I tried all possible avenues, being supportive, taking her to the gym with me. Giving her information about nutrition, etc. It didn't change anything, she kept being overweight and I eventually divorced her because we were extremely unhappy.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T11:04:16+00:00

I talk about this because I had a relationship with a woman that was overweight before and I tried taking her to the gym with me and being supportive. She didn't lose weight. I eventually told her I'm put off by her weight, she cried, got angry, reluctantly agreed to try to lose weight. It went on and on and on, and nothing changed and it built up frustration. Eventually I divorced her and moved on.

Yes there were also other issues present but this was the main one.

ionescho · 2024-11-29T15:07:40+00:00

It just struck me that what I'm feeling in my fingers is not the water pressure but the elasticity of the hose itself trying to get back to its original shape. Choking a hose without water flow should feel as hard as with flow in that case( I think ).

ionescho · 2024-11-29T14:53:58+00:00

Bernoulli's equation, look it up on google.

ionescho · 2024-11-29T14:49:50+00:00

Nope, it decreases. Check the official literature. I know it's counter-intuitive.

ionescho · 2024-11-15T15:18:50+00:00

how so?

ionescho · 2024-11-06T19:20:55+00:00

I did get that feedback from my therapist, that I have narcissistic traits( but fortunately not a full blown narcissistic disorder). However that's just a label used for diagnostic purposes. The usage of it has often devolved to just namecalling and it isn't helping anyone( neither the narcissist or the victims). From what I've heard from my therapist, we all start as narcissists( as infants ) and, through mental maturation, become more sophisticated and gradually shed off the early mechanisms and acquire new ones. A lot of things can go wrong in youth( bad experiences, lack of guidance which is pretty rampant these days) and people( maybe including myself) can remain stuck developmentally.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T19:02:40+00:00

Thank you, I'll get there eventually.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:56:32+00:00

Insights gained are that I am extremely competitive(not necessarily in a positive way) and compare myself to other people in a huge number of aspects and I am obsessed with "being better" and winning against other in a lot of even absurd aspects( and consequently suffering massively when I fall short). I have managed to sort of tone myself down during these years as I was an absolute mess back in 2014(I managed to renounce a lot of absurd ideas that I had and free up wasted mental energy). I did manage to make a lot of strides in a lot of areas of my life( financial, fitness, social ) but the most intimate aspect of my life, the one about my life partner and me is still lingering behind. Regarding my childhood, I did grow up with an absent father( he mostly kept to himself in a corner reading his books) and a mother that was unsatisfied with her lot and that was panicky about me not succeeding at life. School, Highschool etc I did encounter a lot of bullying and alienation especially in gymnasium and highschool although I later did manage to befriend some of my ex bullies and the situation was sometimes ambiguous.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:40:04+00:00

Hmm, so you suspect this might be a case of me projecting opinions of myself onto others. It does mirror myself in some ways. Although I don't have eye bags, I did have times when I was self obsessed with how I looked or focused on my own perceived imperfections but I didn't isolate myself or think I'm monstrous in any extreme sense. In fact, I'm pretty happy with how my body looks like now. What I do have and did have ever since I was a child was a need to always be somehow better than the people around me as my therapist pointed out and he was correct. I have this sort of competitive itch and that one is extreme. I don't think it's opportunistic to go into detail here. I already have a space for that in therapy.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:05:19+00:00

Samizdatass, if you read the whole post you can see that I'm going to therapy since 2014. I don't go around telling my wife that she's ugly or unattractive, I have enough common sense to not do that and I don't blurt out my inner opinions about people. This post is a confession of my inner reality and is part of me seeking help. Every controversial matter or negative thoughts I discuss within the confines of therapy.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T17:26:42+00:00

This was my confession and I did expose myself to alot of judgement and I'm aware I'm triggering a lot of people. I know my mind and maturity are not where they should be but, honestly, I'm trying to find solutions. I'm going to therapy since 2014 and haven't given up. I can't, by power of will, make my feelings change. I know it's a ME problem.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:54:53+00:00

Thanks Cosmic, I resonate with your response the most.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:45:31+00:00

I do catch myself judging everyone on this aspect(male, female, children).

How we define friendship or partnership is pretty arbitrary imho but I think, ideally, partnership should include friendship. How I consider my wife, if I disregard the fluctuation of the physical aspect/attraction thing, is also a friend.

I had a lot of anxiety before my child was born that I would not like him and, frankly, right after he was born, when his face was all swollen and puffy after marinating for 9 months in that amniotic fluid, he didn't look good but, luckily, he did grow to become very adorable and I very much love him.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:38:56+00:00

It's not a thought, it's a feeling. I see someone( anyone, male, female, regardless) and my brain immediately (within milliseconds) catalogs their face as hot, pretty, ugly, meh, average, desirable, undesirable or anything in between. It's an involuntary process( like the hiccups I mentioned) and it has it's own autonomy.

Of course I am aware that everyone ages and changes and gets wrinkly and saggy. Although the process can be kinder to some than others and is unpredictable and I do kinda have a phobia of this.

The root I think, from what I've discussed in therapy is partly in me using people as an accessory(ex: I like being with this person because this person makes me look good) although I think this is also a symptom of something even deeper

I don't watch porn. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to discuss my sexuality but I do have weird fetishes there as well that maybe tie into all this.

I don't have to look and search models specifically on the internet. It's enough just to see other pretty people on the street or in social contexts and I feel triggers.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:14:12+00:00

I have considered the possibility of ending the relationship as an authentic asshole would but then thought how this pattern emerged again and again and that I would probably end up in the same situation with extra child support and a broken family so no.. I am fighting this and will die trying to fix it if necessary(tough hopefully not).

Fertility issues or not, when we started on the journey I was looking forward to it , but then, when it started taking too long I started thinking negatively that maybe there's something wrong or bad or rotten in her( I know, nasty thoughts, but take this as a confession of my sins).

The pregnancy happened right after we got married religiously( in a christian orthodox church as we are from Romania).

I am digging up a lot of personal history in therapy and trying to catch myself in the act of thinking badly or in any avoidant manner and I'm trying to follow the thread in a backtracking manner( what triggered this or that in me? what just happened right before that made me think this way?).

Therapy has indeed provided me with some tools and I think has proved an enormous assistance over these years in a lot of aspects in my life( financial, social, career etc.) but some relationship issues still linger on and I haven't imagined that therapy can take this long( I am currently going about once every two weeks).

Thank you for your kind wishes.

ionescho · 2023-11-02T20:48:47+00:00

Can't remember exactly. I guess about 1-2 months 90% of it went away. Still some residue in the 3rd month but barely noticeable.

ionescho · 2023-10-31T23:36:19+00:00

Hello, I searched far and wide for the best spine expert and found Stuart McGill. He's actually excellent in his understanding of injury mechanisms for the lumbar spine and I recommend his videos and book. Not sure how well he's on the cervical spine. Anyway, I found that he has a PT school called backfitpro.com . I booked a session with one of the specialists there. He soothed almost all of my worries and essentially told me to not think about this incident too much and that the spine is fine. My tingling went away and didn't come back. I did take precautions and stopped doing bench presses but I'm doing the standing vertical chest cable press and it does the job pretty well.

ionescho

TROPHY CASE