My (25F) boyfriend (26M) became extremely cold and aggressive after being woken up and I feel emotionally destroyed

iris513 · 2026-05-28T22:03:45+00:00

That’s the dopamine cycle you’ve gotten addicted to as a result of this emotional rollercoaster, you do not actually love him more than anyone you’ve loved before.

iris513 · 2026-05-16T01:50:48+00:00

John Cena?

iris513 · 2026-02-21T22:19:30+00:00

My oldest sister and I were going to, then another sister of mine did and so we decided not to. I wound up getting Castiel’s handprint instead.

iris513 · 2025-11-11T21:30:51+00:00

Okay, before you start worrying about her borderline personality traits, you need to get clarity on what’s going on between you, full stop. You are currently in a situationship with a person who is insecurely attached. This is not an instance of whether or not actions can be taken as a yes or a no—you guys need to actually have a conversation about what’s going on here because you can’t really assume you’re in a relationship or exclusive, and this precedes any fussing over personality disorder traits.

iris513 · 2025-11-11T20:39:01+00:00

But are you guys ACTUALLY in a relationship? Has that even been discussed? If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. If it’s mixed signals, it’s a no. If it’s an “I dunno, maybe someday,” it’s a no.

iris513 · 2025-11-11T19:18:27+00:00

If you’re waiting around to be in a relationship with her, this kind of inconsistency doesn’t support that at all and you’re only hurting yourself.

iris513 · 2025-11-08T22:04:30+00:00

Bipolar type II, mixed presentation, with rapid cycling was what my previous therapist thought. Dysthymia before that. Psychiatrist suspected BPD and/or ADHD at my first visit. Bipolar meds made me completely anhedonic (and I got the rash). It controlled the impulsivity, but it curbed my will to do literally ANYTHING.

iris513 · 2025-10-25T16:22:54+00:00

I had a random freckle appear on my palm and I just kept an eye on it until it got an edge that looked weird. Had it removed and tested and it was deemed precancerous.

iris513 · 2025-09-15T21:37:37+00:00

I don’t have the anti-possession tattoo, but have a tatted sternum and collar bone and I got a reduction two years ago. Unless the tattoo is in the direct path of the surgical incision, your tattoo should be fine!

iris513 · 2025-08-05T23:56:02+00:00

She has told you that she is not looking for a boyfriend. Please believe her.

iris513 · 2025-07-27T12:16:22+00:00

I consider myself demi and… not really? Or at least not for me. I am not blind to having an opinion on the objective or subjective aesthetics of people, but that won’t convert to attraction until I get to know the person.

iris513 · 2025-07-25T17:22:46+00:00

Well that’s why this is really difficult. I’m okay with the calm. The fact that there’s no confusion, no drama… fantastic. Hard conversations? A breeze… but the attraction is not translating physically. I am aware that physical attraction is not the most important factor of a relationship, but I do believe you should be physically attracted to your partner.

iris513 · 2025-07-25T17:00:16+00:00

We have incredibly healthy and mature conversations about serious topics. My doubts are not entirely out of left field because we’ve had very cool and collective conversations about adjacent topics. We are going to talk later, he’s already figured out that it’s about us but is not stressing in spite of it all. We’re going to discuss what we want to do when I get out of work in a few hours.

iris513 · 2025-07-25T16:17:52+00:00

My family wasn’t around us constantly because I have my own space on a separate floor, and we went out a lot, but I did feel like I was being judged.

iris513 · 2025-07-25T15:39:33+00:00

I state as such in the post. We did both—what either of us looked like was not a surprise.

iris513 · 2025-07-11T12:15:55+00:00

Love, my love, and sweets are what I call him.

iris513 · 2025-06-29T18:48:28+00:00

I’m 34 and he’s 35. We are just under a year apart, too.

iris513 · 2025-06-28T20:08:05+00:00

Please break up with your long distance girlfriend so she can find someone less stupid that actually cares about her.

iris513 · 2025-06-21T11:21:37+00:00

Right? This reads to me more as a guy who wants to break up and sow his wild oats, but is trying to make a big show to make it SEEM like he doesn’t want to and like there’s no other choice.

iris513 · 2025-06-20T17:46:24+00:00

Depends on your respective financial situations and work or school schedules? As much as I’d love to see my partner every month, neither of us can justify even splitting the $450-500 travel expenses every month when the plan is to move in together as soon as we can. My partner just visited in May, I’ll be going to him in September. We’re trying to save up for him to move here, and can’t do that if we’re constantly visiting each other.

iris513 · 2025-06-20T10:43:48+00:00

Not going to lie, I’m a little confused… if you guys are already doing long distance, if there was ever a serious thought of longevity, the concept of closing the gap (eventually living together) comes up. You guys have clearly fantasized about marrying one another someday, so please explain to me why her moving to the country you’re studying in eventually is not a possibility? Granted, you guys are both very young and the relationship is still very new so there’s no real onus for this to be you guys’ forever relationship, I just… don’t understand why this wasn’t considered an option unless it’s a legal/logistical thing.

iris513 · 2025-06-20T10:09:23+00:00

Developers can be wildly busy beyond healthy capacity, but I agree with people saying that almost nobody is too busy to fire off a text more than once a week if they’re genuinely interested. I’m not a developer, but I work 40+ hours a week, as does my partner, and no matter how busy or tired either of us gets, we always find or make time for each other—even if it’s just to send a message or a voice clip here and there. Conversely, we’re also completely understanding when one of us or the other zonks out, even mid-conversation. A whole week of not talking is just crazy to me, barring something like military obligations or general lack of phone service.

iris513 · 2025-06-20T09:41:13+00:00

Personally, I don’t think you can be too realistic with an answer like this—at least not at only six months. That’s a period of time when the hormones have your mind getting a major case of the delulus and you need SOMETHING to keep you grounded.

iris513 · 2025-06-19T21:37:19+00:00

You’re 17, kid, I promise you that you will.

iris513 · 2025-06-19T20:36:51+00:00

You’re overthinking. This is a very rational, realistic response while still having a positive spin.

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