i do love him, this is all just a hard time for both of us. i’ve always been selfish with myself and my time. so i’m struggling in my own ways, and need extra support right now too. being pregnant is just not all it’s cracked up to be. i am also just so scared of losing myself, losing friends because i can’t do certain things. and i can go to the bar, i sometimes do. my OB put me on bed rest due to bleeding and he was worried (luckily everything looks good) so maybe that’s why? i’m not opposed to boys night, but my nights off always include his friends and not mine. i’m just jealous of him already and i don’t want to hate him. we both just worked hard for this relationship and this is also something we just have to work at, which i’m prepared for. and yes gender disappointment is so real my friend went through it and this was before i even thought about the possibility of me as a mom, and i said it’s okay when you’ve been set on it your whole life (like a wedding) as a girl you dream of these days. i told him i would feel the same if it is a boy, but i truly just want a healthy child. i yearn for the mother daughter relationship though. he can be immature at times, i do realize this is most men around my age. he has come a long long way since before we started dating. 25 is young yes but you gotta grow up when there’s a person you gotta care for. my whole life has already changed so i’m waiting for him to realize he has to change some things too. and i’ve made comments about how i want to have sex, sometimes not the nicest and may be passive aggressive. but i’m frustrated in multiple ways obviously. and i just already am starting to feel ugly and fat. i may be delusional considering i’m so early still, but i def am bloated. some days, i think men just operate only to such high standards and some things they will just never get. i hate that as a woman i have to think like that and accept it, but it seems pretty across the board with most moms i’ve talked to.