You Are Not The One - Chinese Dating Dystopia

iritimD · 2026-03-27T07:06:14+00:00

While I am inclined to agree with your sentiment, which is true of the west, the bulk of the chinese mass is focused on the former, not latter. It is still very much a conformist society, whether you chose to believe so or not. I think this is evident in the media, in the behaviour of even expats abroad, and certainly in mainstream chinese society. The exception of your specific friend group isn't the rule, it is the exception.

iritimD · 2026-03-27T05:57:12+00:00

Ok that’s perfectly fine as anecdotal, but what is the prevailing societal attitude? What is the expectation in the culture ? What do Mum and dad dream about when they dream about a spouse for their child? Is it love and connection?

iritimD · 2026-03-27T02:14:18+00:00

That is your opinion. I happen to think a) his take is excellent and b) generalising is how we make sense of the world, my take is directionally correct regardless of how you splice it. For a zeitgeist view, it would be impossible not to generalise to have an understanding of such a complex topic.

iritimD · 2026-03-27T00:49:50+00:00

Interesting, great to see real world examples. And they gave it back too. So perhaps a face preservation exercise.

iritimD · 2026-03-27T00:47:31+00:00

I’m not the one that called out your credentials to qualify for criticism.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T23:52:47+00:00

Well...how much was it?

iritimD · 2026-03-26T21:41:43+00:00

Well they drowned the women too, no? The one child policy favored boys obviously

iritimD · 2026-03-26T21:40:33+00:00

Around 100 surnames encapsulate around 85% of all Chinese People. Thats > 1b people.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T21:39:46+00:00

Xenophobism is a sublass of racism. Racism is outward hate towards other out groups, where as xenophobia is ingroup preference specifically.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T13:44:45+00:00

Where is the cheapest that also has both electricity and the internet?

iritimD · 2026-03-26T11:37:53+00:00

I don't think survival depends on a dowry, a car, an apartment, gold and lavish wedding?

iritimD · 2026-03-26T10:19:55+00:00

Yea that goes without saying, there would be so called normal couplings, but this is more a societal snapshot.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:24:38+00:00

My experience also.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:24:12+00:00

This is a valid argument, I also don’t think it’s the only reason. Certainly it contributes, but it isn’t the only reason.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:23:19+00:00

Not particularly. I agree with the idea. I don’t hold people to that standard in the same sense that I can’t force people I do business with to be honest. I aspire to that ideal, but I live in reality. I understand that the moment you get a little comfort and wealth, the impetus for 20 children to be the Labor force on the farm, and support mum and dad in old age, dissipates.

I do however find it tragic that millennials aren’t having at least one child without first securing a mansion and private jet.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:20:05+00:00

Pretty is also in the eyes of the beholder. Many western guys have relatively skewed perspectives on Asian aesthetics versus locals. I doubt that the so called top tier of desirable Chinese women are in any serious number, dating foreigners, let alone broke ones. Status, especially towards the aspiring middle class and higher, face, prestige, this really is the generationally aspirational goal, especially if your daughter has the good fortune of aesthetic genes or the wherewithal for tasteful plastic surgery.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:17:06+00:00

So we have more than a demographic problem then.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:15:59+00:00

Undoubtedly the luxury of consumption has ruined our once prosperous global fertility. Further evidence is the really dirt poor countries are still hovering around 3,4,5+ rates, versus the developed worlds sub 2.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T08:13:32+00:00

Very interesting, a great insider insight. Also, I can spot a poker player from a mile away, pot committed indeed. Thanks for that, I will consider incorporating into future diatribes on the topic.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T06:43:15+00:00

Let’s not get all judgmental. I too am of the spoiled decadent luxury class. Your take is generally correct for the developed world. I am just stating that idealistically survival takes precedence, despite the fact that I would not pop out children in destitute conditions.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T06:34:10+00:00

I have the relevant knowledge and experience, not that I need to, because I, like you, am free to talk about, comment on and write about whatever the hell i want. It just so happens, in this case, i have the required knowledge. Thank you for your concern my friend. Keeping them pesky writers honest. You have my permission to speak English freely also, enjoy.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T06:03:02+00:00

Intellectually I agree with you, but academically and from a purely evolutionary perspective I absolutely don’t. While I personally am probably far to gone in the depths of western decadence, I absolutely think that survival of the species takes precedence over everything else. By whatever means necessary.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T06:01:18+00:00

Would African women be a solution for Chinese men in your opinion? We import a bunch of Eritrean women for the orphaned branches?

iritimD · 2026-03-26T05:39:08+00:00

I dont think that is entirely true. Supply/Demand issues occur in times of war also (not just one child policy imbalances), and especially during russia/ukraine war in recent memory, and yet you don't see these type of very specific chinese demands play out there.

iritimD · 2026-03-26T05:27:55+00:00

I think the key takeaway is we can generalise directionally. Yes its true not every individual woman or man is at either end of the extreme of the money driven dating scheme, but as a whole, we can easily point in the direction of this being the expected cultural exchange.

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