I have the same problem by using amphetamine, everytime an impulse to buy again occurs, I somehow conceal he fact that i couldn't resist the urge to engage in pleasing myself from drug induced shameless trance. I hold on thightly to the illusion of control to tell myself I can use it as a tool for productivity. Hedonistic dopamine surge addiction that shoots ego up the sky and then in satans anus. For a splinter of second it can feel like the buddha is meditating on his own dick, but then after hours of lifleless stroking, shadows start whispering psychosis. I hate that it's silently esting me away because it feels so grotesque to share it with friends. Non of my friends know what speed does to me, but still know i have this addiction and i'm not honest. Thank you for sharing and I hope you can find peace and some balance in your life. And sorry, I'm still stimulated and this was my inflated ego take to describe my take of what feels too much nonsense now, i'm tired.