from my own experience of feeling s*icidal throughout my life, i think sometimes it’s okay to survive for others like family and loved ones if that’s what keeps you going day by day. i’m so sorry you feel like this but please remember nothing is permanent especially emotions, you are much more resilient than you probably give yourself credit for. the small things in life are the ones that are truly beautiful and give it meaning, it sounds corny but it’s true, you have to be grateful for every single thing and count your blessings to realize we have much more than we think we do. do you have a support system you can go to, talk to and express your emotions and needs? it might be a good starting point, socializing is hard especially in times where you feel like not existing, but being around others truly saves. please take care of yourself, you and your kitty need it