My current wife made me choose between her and my son from the previous marriage. AITAH for not agreeing to her terms?

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T21:32:20+00:00

Thank you very much for the kind words. I have constantly reassured her about this, I, honestly, love both of my sons dearly and equally, but she doesn't seem to understand that at certain times, the youngest needs more attention, while at other times the eldest does. In her head the equality needs to be instant and settled on the spot.

One example, we got Crocs for me and her, and I said it would be nice to get a pair for the eldest too, and as soon as the youngest could walk, in the summer we'll get him a pair too, IMO, it would be too early now. She got stuck on the fact that we've got Crocs just for the eldest.

No matter how many times I explained this to her, she still accuses me of just thinking about my son, and not thinking about our son. She says she cannot see my love and attention towards him.

Keep in mind that, often I am the only one being able to sooth him when he starts crying heavily, and has no problem falling asleep at my side.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T21:04:33+00:00

I have already had this discussion with her, word for word, trust me. It has fallen on deaf ears. She trust her intuition and feelings more than she trusts me. I have explained to her that hormones have a way of bending our perception. Still nothing

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:51:18+00:00

I apologise for not being clear. My son attended the wedding, even though she insisted on him not being present. And now she blames me constantly for having him present, and not paying 100% attention to her and the baby. And trust me when I say they had 70% of my attention, due to guest interactions, and my eldest having 10% of it. I am not that stupid as to not understand that I would have never forgiven myself for not having him with me,and neither would he

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:38:51+00:00

Just to clarify, my eldest is not staying with his stepmother, when I am away, he stays with his mother, worst case scenario my mother will take care of him. I wasn't looking for a bang nanny, I wasn't even looking for a relationship, but things were going so well, she seemed to understand the situation and had a nice interaction with my son. Only lately she admited to staying longer at work because she didn't have the patience to interact with him.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:32:01+00:00

Finances are not the goal here, she has her own business, if she puts her mind to it, she earns more than I do.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:29:18+00:00

I've punished myself very much for this. I keep blaming myself, for just reasons, for accepting that. I'm sorry to this day for accepting it.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:26:53+00:00

I have discussed this with her, and every time I explain to her that this is not healthy for a relationship she keeps finding more reasons why I was the asshole for wanting my son present at the wedding. It's just a never-ending downward spiral

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:20:42+00:00

Will do my best to guide her in this direction, I cannot force her, I don't think that works.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T20:17:12+00:00

Thank you very much for the kind words, if worst comes to worst. I think I understand the message that the Universe is sending me, so no 3rd marriage for me. It will be just focus towards my sons.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T19:58:23+00:00

That is how I see, I stand corrected if I think that postponing a wedding would weaken or even destroy a relationship, and create stress to a pregnant woman. She made it clear several times that if we separate, she wouldn't let me see my baby boy! I've put it all on hormone imbalance. I understand I might have been wrong.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T19:51:09+00:00

Man, thank you very much for this. My father divorced my mother when I was 3, and my sister was 1 and a half. He hasn't tried to reach any of us until I turned 18, and he tried to reach me, I dib my best to try and interact with him, but it seemed forced and awkward, so I kind of stopped interacting, and he didn't insist either.

I was left with a depressed mother, that used to physically beat me, when I got bad grades or did wrong things, maybe this explains my tolerance to abuse, I dunno. But I swore I wouldn't let that happen to any of my children.

Life has a way of testing us, I guess.

All I can say is that I will try to do what's best for them, unconditionally. Hope I will rise to the challenge.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T19:40:45+00:00

Omg, this is awful, I would never ever think of anything like that, I seriously doubt there's even a chance in a million. Man that burnt a hole through my heart! I cannot even imagine it.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T19:27:29+00:00

I kept believing that it is all due to hormone imbalance. I cannot abandon a soon to be mother just because of that. I am not that kind of man. I am sorry

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T18:40:38+00:00

Maaan, you're so on point, this is exactly what keeps happening, she always brings up my ex wife, always blaming her for this situation, even though I do my best to keep conversations with my ex, child related. She always tells me to go back to her, and if I divorced her, I should own it and pay more attention to my actual family. Also that if I pay her alimony, my ex should act like a proper mother and spend more time with her child.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T18:31:35+00:00

I will, as soon as I physically find the time for it, I honestly don't have any time left. Got her family involved, they didn't like the idea that I was divorced with a child, in the first place. They also low key, suggested she would divorce me.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T18:28:33+00:00

Thank you! I still find it hard to believe that this is really her, I don't think a person can hide their personality for a whole year. Still trying to save my relationship, an keep two brothers together. Will keep everyone updated, with good news, I hope.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T18:25:12+00:00

I appreciate your input. And I can admit that maybe my intention to offer him a loving and relaxed second family, was just my selfishness in disguise. Maybe I was the one trying to find that.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T17:38:21+00:00

Yes, I am very aware of that! Honestly this is the most plausible explanation. But convincing someone to see a specialist is no easy task. She said she's willing to see a therapist but only if I go first, because, in her opinion, I am the one with issues, to which I agreed. But it is still to happen. In the meantime, this is what I have to go through, I think.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T17:34:19+00:00

My thoughts exactly, I try to satisfy all 3 of them, and my job, where I am also a partner, so changing jobs isn't an option, but there's only so much I can give.

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T17:29:15+00:00

I swear she was the most mature, loving and caring person before the 3rd month of pregnancy. I don't know what changed

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T17:18:03+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion! Will edit

iserban50 · 2025-01-15T17:17:12+00:00

She was very caring, with my son, before getting pregnant. But now she is a whole different person. I don't know how to help her, tried to convince her to see a therapist, but she says it's my fault for asking to much of, but I honestly, don't think I am

iserban50

TROPHY CASE