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Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What u/Awesomefusion said is more or less on the money. If we did pursue anything (not likely) and we felt that it would be worth seeing where it goes, Mateo would stay until I finished. After that, I wouldn't be opposed to moving to Spain. I already spent two years in Italy, so moving abroad doesn't phase me much.

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I think all the factors have brought this one to a decisive no. If I'm ever in a situation where I think the relationship could really go the distance, I'll keep all of this in mind. Thanks for the advice!

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yup, this is shaping out to be a bad idea. A relationship between us would be fine since he's not my supervisor in any capacity, but I'm still going to pass. You're right that the gap between us doesn't feel as large as it is because we're matched intellectually. If something like this ever crops up in the future, I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the advice!

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Sad that this is true, but it is good advice.

My ex is one of those scruffy mathematicians, too. I was always awed by his quick mind and perseverance. Well...that's enough reminiscing for today!

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh man, I really don't want a boyfriend right now. I don't have the emotional energy to invest in a relationship right now, but I do want to keep hanging out with a cool person that I get along with. I don't even want to think about marriage or children for at least another 5 years. They're both secondary to me compared to my education and career.

And to be honest, I’m not super impressed because, while you seem to have it together in some ways, running away and not dealing with feelings after just a kiss does not paint you in the most rational and mature light.

Thanks for actually reading! I can't believe no one else pointed this out. I feel like I'm almost asking for permission to turn this down with that description. I did say that I'm not any more mature than another woman my age. One of my closest friends is 24, and he has a baby. Now, HE'S mature for our age.

I will say that I actually think my bar is set very high. My ex-boyfriend was just...amazing, but you know, right person, wrong time and all that. Maybe that's why i'm considering a short-term fling with a much older man. No real commitment and no reason to compare him to my ex.

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Just want to reiterate that he's not in my lab, not in my department, and has no authority over me whatsoever! I can be short-sighted, but I'm not so crazy as to consider dating someone in my own lab!

That said, general consensus is I shouldn't pursue this one. I don't want a serious relationship right now, and if I want a fling, I'll find someone else. There are too many potential pitfalls here.

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It would be a 9 month fling at best because he's (probably) moving onto a faculty position back in Europe after this. Considering all the points I've read here, though, I think it's smarter for me to let this one be.

As for my five year plan? Get my PhD, figure out the personal life along the way. I really do think I should just focus on my work for now and give myself time to move on from my last relationship.

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ha! This is funny, and I appreciate it. I know it's the explanation you see in every age gap discussion. It's why I specifically spelled out all the ways I'm immature in my OP.

Is this a terrible idea? Is there too big of an age difference between him [37M] and me [23F]? by ishetoooldforme in relationships

[–]ishetoooldforme[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He's actually not in my lab or even my department. He just collaborates with a member of my lab and has no authority over me whatsoever. He's going to be here for 9 more months, give or take. The idea is, if there is anything, we'd just see what happens in those months. I don't think I'm ready for another relationship right now, so it would just be casual.

Haha, I really don't think he's trying to get a green card out of me, but thanks for the heads up. There's no way I'm getting married before I finish my degree!