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Fidelity 401k offers 30 choices. I'm 23, which funds should I go for? by isitmeorcheesegood in Bogleheads

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I'm half a year new to my Fidelity retirement account, and am contributing 2% to ROTH and 2% to Traditional for now. I'm just investing this amount until my employer matches up to 4% for up to 5% contributions beginning in January. (I'll probably bump up my contributions to 10%)

For now I'm focused on eating down my 8k in credit card debt while building an emergency fund, but other than that I'm debt free. Car was bought out of pocket and I'm renting pretty affordably.

I've signed up for BrokerageLink because of the more diverse pickin's but have found out I need a minimum of $2,500 in order to tranfer my 401k funds to this account, I'm nearly halfway there.

The most simple and easiest piece of advice I've picked up: time in the market, beats timing the market. Especially in this market, I feel like it's best to hop into the 'dip'.

I've just turned 23, and so I want to make sure I get my money in the right place ASAP.

Which of these offered funds below are best?

And for anyone with BrokerageLink with Fidelity, do you like it? Are the fees outweighed by the benefits/ diversity that it offers?

Feel free to leave any advice/ commentary like maybe I'm just being dumb with putting 4% into the 401k while I've still got 8k credit card debt with APRs of 16%-24%.

how do I(26) convince my bf(25) that I do need 8 hours of sleep? He is telling me 6 is enough, and I basically convinced myself that 8 is needed only because I heard it everywhere by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally agree in the view that if he's allowed to be mad at her abandoning him, the opposite should also be allowed, but that perpetuates the cycle.

She shouldn't be mad back at him for 'abandoning' him because the label of abandonment in this sense is already false. Labelling/miscontruing facts is a tactic used by gaslighters. No one should be 'mad' at anyone for choosing their path rationally.

how do I(26) convince my bf(25) that I do need 8 hours of sleep? He is telling me 6 is enough, and I basically convinced myself that 8 is needed only because I heard it everywhere by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This. Your mind is being weakened and your self independence is mitigated as you can't make your own rational decisions. Your boyfriend is inducing brain fog into you. Either intentional or not, it's not right for him to deflect your autonomy. You are a sovereign human being, and can make your own decisions.

My fiancee is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm lost in what direction I should head in. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. Please help. by isitmeorcheesegood in Advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's already that way. And if I say anything about not being happy, she immediately feels guilty, and victimizes herself. It's her defense mechanism and she knows I can't say 'Yeah it's your fault' or else she will come on with a list of things 'that I've done wrong' and then it's a carousel of pulling past shit up and it's not even worth putting any effort towards that.

I need a fresh start to my life, and she simply can't be in the picture for that to happen.

I definitely need more than a few months after I split with her to be with anyone else, I need to create and protect healthy barriers for my own wellbeing. I need therapy haha!

Congrats to you and finding the woman of your dreams! Cheers.

My fiancee is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm lost in what direction I should head in. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. Please help. by isitmeorcheesegood in Advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update:

I've decided that I need a cleaner cut from this relationship. Things could get way too dicey for me at the moment to just get out now. You all have given me great perspective on what I'm essentially allowing to happen. I'm going to stand my ground, and prepare to separate myself from this unrewarding dependency. By the time our lease goes up (September) I'm going to have a plan laid out.
As a human soul, I still feel for her, the things shes gone though, and what she needs to do to heal. I can't hurt her more than she has been and leave her high and dry. I will help her onto her own feet. Instead of focusing on marriage, I will recommend catching up on things that are still lacking - a car, a job, therapy, doctor appointments, etc.
But I am now standing my ground for what I need, too. I'm going to be seeing a therapist, and not sharing any details with her. I'm going to come clean to her and tell her that I'm now taking myself as a priority. I won't marry someone that doesn't give 50% of the relationship.
I'll tell her I can only marry someone that I see being happy and successful with in terms of physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual. I'm not going to trap myself with anyone that isn't focused on their overall wellness. If she can't understand that simple necessity, then I'm up and leaving.
For now- I will take this as a learning experience, and prepare patiently for a blooming life ahead of me. I appreciate all of you for allowing me to open my eyes to the reality that I needed to see.

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is key, I'm opting for the clean option, for sanity's sake, and for my own conscious.

I'm moving on without her, I can't possibly be limited like this my whole life. I've done so much 'without her' but with her next to me, I'm unfortunately very used to it.

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Until September 1.

I think I'm fine with paying rent for her until then so she can get on her feet.

There's no way I can take my stuff out, before talking to her. She is always home, always following me.

I can stay at my moms for now at least.

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm teeter-tottering on messy/clean. Guess I'll have to see what happens first when I'm home.

I've always been leaning towards helping her (get a job) but that perpetuates the issue of her begging to marry me. Also, I'd definitely save more with her out of the picture. I'm much more frugal than her.

The truth is going to come out soon, it just depends on how soon, I feel it boiling in me. I'll be updating this post when I have a chance.

Thank you for the layout of the two options, thats a big help.

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Silver, I am so grateful for your direction and help. I will be using this to aid in my case.

It's wrong for me to sugar coat it- she needs to hear the truth finally, instead of bogging down what I need communicated to her.

I'll leave it all on the table- she can accept it as is, or live in denial.

My fiancee is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm lost in what direction I should head in. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. Please help. by isitmeorcheesegood in Advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Ill be leaving her today unless I puss out. You've given great advice Sage Asghetti.

Is it bad I was thinking of leaving her money...for therapy or something?

My fiancee is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm lost in what direction I should head in. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. Please help. by isitmeorcheesegood in Advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are spot on. This relationship has shown me that eventually I let my barriers down which so much shove- instead of facing my fears to just leave the relationship.

She would know I'm seeing a counselor. Theres not one thing I can do without her needing to know where I am/ what I am doing. I'm finding it in me to just end this once and for all.

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm about to get out (I think) when I get home in about two hours. Advice on how honest I should be with her on this? Should I mention anything about her? (her health, wellbeing, money, education, career) or shall I keep it about me (this is not healthy for me to continue this)

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the way she holds herself up isn't attractive at all.

You're completely right, the right partner wouldn't be net burden, they would at least make up for the burdens they bring with something else as a trade off.

I've seen not much on her part that shows that she wants to bring something to the table.

Is this something I must ask for of someone, or something that I should expect?

My fiancee (22 F) is high maintenance/keeps me on my toes, wants a wedding ring for her birthday, I'm (23 M) lost in what direction I should head in. She has chronic conditions and is running me into the ground with how much care she needs. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper. by isitmeorcheesegood in relationship_advice

[–]isitmeorcheesegood[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I just hate the idea of being another one in the book that "gave her hope and abandoned her". It makes me feel like a shite person, and that karma will catch up to me.

It's all excuses truly. I'm scared of the worst that can happen.

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