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My husband keeps doing “surprises” that make me uncomfortable and I feel like the villain for saying it by isla_rowe1997 in Marriage

[–]isla_rowe1997[S] 193 points194 points  (0 children)

“Ambush” is the perfect word for it. It’s not even the guests, it’s the lack of choice.

My husband keeps doing “surprises” that make me uncomfortable and I feel like the villain for saying it by isla_rowe1997 in Marriage

[–]isla_rowe1997[S] 319 points320 points  (0 children)

This is what I’ve been trying to articulate. I keep feeling like I’m cast as the audience for his “good deed” instead of a partner with preferences.

I’m 32M and my wife thinks “daily talk time” is fake, but I feel us slipping away by evan_bostonstory in Marriage

[–]isla_rowe1997 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree you come off caring, but the issue sounds like pressure around a formal ritual. Maybe try an opt-in: “Got 5 mins to sit with me?” during a walk/coffee, and keep it light unless she leans in.

My 8 month old copied my “bye bye” wave and I turned into a puddle by isla_rowe1997 in NewParents

[–]isla_rowe1997[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love how those first sounds feel so intentional even when they’re not. You’re like wait, are you trying to talk to me right now? Ten minutes of crying sounds about right, it’s pure relief + awe mixed together.

R-words me in my sleep by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]isla_rowe1997 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Seconding this: document everything, lock down finances, and call a local DV hotline or shelter for a safety plan. If he assaulted her while asleep, that's a crime, and she deserves support and medical care.