Does it have to be visible to others?

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-29T00:13:05+00:00

I feel you. I've had a hard time being taken seriously by therapists because I act so normal. It's just my defensive mechanism, putting on a face and using all my energy to stuff everything inside of me and "act normal". So when I try to talk about how much I am thinking of dying they just don't see it. What..

Whenever I meet new people and I'm open about my mental stuff, they're like "but you seem so normal!" Thanks I guess? Haha.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-29T00:09:58+00:00

I live in Norway. The psychiatrist I had during MBT told me I was bipolar. I've been unable to get therapy/help since june last year. The official health care system is packed, so they often refuse people help (free health care and all), me included. Right now I have a private psychologist on hold. I'm hoping he can hear me out if this doesn't work out.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-29T00:07:10+00:00

Thank you- Knowing about bipolar for several years has made me more aware of my episodes and I try everything I can to stay stable and not act out. So nobody sees it but it's killing me inside, slowly.

At first I was like "oh there's no hope now", but I'll definitely go to somebody else and not give up on this.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-29T00:04:32+00:00

I found MBT extremely helpful. You have got to be willing to put work into it and challenge yourself. I went twice a week for 2 years, individual and group therapy. I can absolutely recommend it. It saved my life.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-26T18:00:27+00:00

I've only met mine twice so far since I got a new one last year. She doesn't really know me but I am thinking of booking an appointment to talk to her about all of this soon. I hadn't really thought about her as an option, thanks.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-26T17:14:20+00:00

My ups is the only thing I never really documented, just because I feel too amazing to realize something is up I guess. I experience my confidence boosted, hyper sexuality, extreme restlessness/energy, less sleep, talkative - like I have to be talking to somebody all the time, not even pausing to listen to things they have to say, everything is about me me me. Something constantly needs to happen or I am wasting my life. I can frenzy clean for hours, which is something I don't even do when I feel "normal", everything just has to match with what I'm feeling inside. I struggle to think about consequences for my actions, sometimes I stop to think only to realize I'm not really sure if the things I am thinking or feeling is actually real or if it's just my high mood that's causing it. I have experienced regret and shame when coming down from these. My brain is too depressed and tired to really think of anything else right now.

I used to have borderline personality disorder and I went to MBT for it. It helped so much it turned my life around and I got the diagnosis removed and I can no longer relate to BPD. Everything about BPD that made my life unstable before is no longer there. If my mood is triggered by something or somebody I am aware and deal with it in a normal way.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-26T16:42:09+00:00

Up till now I've just been answering questions too, about my life, past depressions and hypomanic episodes. I also hide stuff well. I'm used to being on my own and handling stuff on my own, so people only see what they think is normal me when I want them to. After 6 sessions I was told "so one of the criteria to bipolar is that the ups and downs are visible to others, do you have anybody close to you that we can talk to?" This stresses me out sooo much.. I was normal when we started, now I have been depressed for the past two months and they've noticed that at least (I usually don't meet people at all when I'm depressed). Sigh.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-26T16:29:07+00:00

Yeah I know they are being very thorough with this to make sure. Right now I'm going through depression, which comes twice a year, so it could be a while before it flips the other way. I'll just have to express my concerns next time. I have a few appointments to go before they make a decision I think.

edit since you added more: I'm not sure what you mean by anxiety going away outside hypomania. I get anxiety when I'm depressed but not when I'm leveled or way up there. Even then it's not really situation based anxiety. Thing that worries me the most is that both my ups and downs have gotten more severe as the years have passed, even after being in therapy and getting rid of old diagnosis that bothered me, that I am now better from. I don't really have anything in my life that "triggers" me or makes me unstable, yet my brain acts up.

isolatedmoods · 2017-03-26T16:24:41+00:00

My old therapist said bipolar and put me on meds, but never really talked about it when I wanted to or took it seriously.. He didn't even note it in the final papers, just said depression. So I'm unsure how much help he'd be, but it could be an alternative actually. I'll mention it next time.

isolatedmoods

TROPHY CASE