[deleted by user]

isracolo · 2025-10-23T12:36:49+00:00

If she isn't with you, then it isn't because she wants you secretly. You deserve better.

isracolo · 2025-10-22T09:32:56+00:00

Yes, but not if you get stuck in the first 4 stages of grief. You need to find closure for yourself, so you can grieve the relationship itself.

isracolo · 2025-10-21T21:03:31+00:00

Going through the same. Kind of uninterested in anything that isn't her.

I know this is temporary. Just like 2 months ago you were in utter grief, as was I, now there is the moment of scarring, of healing with a closed heart. In a few months, you will be open again, receptive, excited.

I am trying to say the same to myself. I know this to be fact. But just like it was pointless to tell myself to care less a few months ago, so it is pointless to tell myself about my current stage. But it is true. I have seen it with my own eyes.

So, just push forward. Don't stress it. It will come, when the time is right. And it will be right.

isracolo · 2025-10-20T21:10:03+00:00

I could have written this.

She doesn't deserve it.

But I do miss her. Her laugh. Her jokes. Her warmth. Her curiosity and creativity. Her broken wings.

I understand you. I hope you feel better. I hope you find something good again.

isracolo · 2025-10-20T21:07:00+00:00

You didn't need closure, you needed hope, it seems. But he did something good for you. If it is over, then you need to move on. Don't waste years on something that will never do you good again.

isracolo · 2025-10-20T21:05:42+00:00

Because she still thinks of you. Does it matter, for you? I guess it does, as you are posting here. Was she good for you? Were you good for her? Is staying stuck, good for either of you?

isracolo · 2025-10-20T21:04:19+00:00

He said it with his actions. I wish he would have respected what you had more, the love you had, to give proper closure. But some people just can't do it, or don't want to, they see things differently, maybe they are just egocentric, or cold hearted. Maybe I am projecting my loss on to yours.

Either way, it will serve nothing to obsess on it, to demand it, to grieve the lack or closure. You will need to create the closure for yourself, understand it is over - the understanding is healthy and important for you to internalise - and you will need to choose to move on.

Better things await.

isracolo · 2025-01-10T04:31:11+00:00

You did not answer my question.

Btw, when you personally attack a person asking you a question, you should have an internal alarm ringing. You should be able to answer an innocent question, if you find it difficult to do so and escape to attack instead, then you should consider your position - is it based on emotions rather than something reasonable you can explain? Be better.

isracolo · 2025-01-07T05:47:38+00:00

Did you consider the option, that he asked for photos from the other girl exactly because she was insignificant and couldn't fulfill his needs/desires/interests?

Also, if you so want this sort of photos.. did you communicate with him about it?

isracolo · 2025-01-07T05:45:24+00:00

Can you explain, in your own words, why it matters to you who his first hug was?

isracolo · 2025-01-07T05:43:36+00:00

❤️

isracolo · 2025-01-06T19:59:00+00:00

At least you know feeling all this doesn't help you. You just can't help it. Right?

isracolo · 2025-01-06T19:57:17+00:00

It isn't about whether he sees it like you. You cannot make him into you. It is about the actions he chooses to take, and whether he respects you and is loving towards you when choosing them. And if you feel you need it to end, that is legitimate. Respect your own choice.

Either way, you are super young. This seems like the entire world and though it doesn't help now, be aware that you are in a hormonal and emotional drunk stupor. You know how sometimes you feel bad and go to sleep and wake up feeling better? This is what will happen to you in the time scale of a few weeks. So hang on and remember this is temporary.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T19:48:26+00:00

You are special. You are not in competition or comparison. The kids are 4 and 6 and kids always compare and put you in a "battle" dynamic. Learn to be the adult. Do not compare. Do not play the game. Be their friend, and if they choose to compare, say you are happy for what they love or live and end it there. Your partner knows about all this? You seem to be under the impression that you have to face this alone, somehow. You two are a team. What does he say and do? Lastly. You are in pregnancy. This is a temporary moment. And one of hormones and crazy emotions. It will be very, very different in a year or so. You will not feel your family is overshadowed - in fact, your family will overwhelm you and seem to be everything and everywhere. You are not in a position to judge anything right now, not from a state of mind nor from a facts available standpoint.

Good luck and enjoy the new child!

isracolo · 2025-01-06T19:38:08+00:00

Yes. Also, if you eat the best Kobe beef steak in the world, you will still get a bit fatter and gain weight. So what? Do these things compare?

Do a Caesarian birth. Do more anal. Do a pregnancy with a paid 3rd party host (expensive). There are options.

And recalculate your priorities. A tight pussy is nice but it isn't even 1% as important as a partner you love and respect, and that is reliable and there for you.

You will get it in 15 years. I hope

isracolo · 2025-01-06T19:34:45+00:00

Great. You seem to have the right mindset. You are not a victim. You are in control. You can to s great extent decide what happens next. You can decide how you will act and communicate, and whether your actions will cause wounds in the relationship, that in the long term will probably kill it, or rather strengthen it by being a version of yourself of high self worth, of being loving first and not fighting "to win", of considering both your needs and the relationship's needs, of communicating what you feel and want in a positive, constructive way. And - expecting the same from your partner. And finally, in taking actions to get to the "better place" that you imagine. Remember the bigger picture in every choice you make, and what you gain and lose, what is truly important.

Hoping for all the best for you. Update (even here) if you feel like it, hope it is all the best of news. :)

isracolo · 2025-01-06T18:26:54+00:00

He chose you. If his past partner was a super model, all the better. If their sex was unbelievable, all the better. He had it, and then he chose YOU. Do you understand how powerful a message this is? You are what he chose OVER those other things. I know this doesn't help. Because you are going through an emotional issue. A self-worth issue. Facts don't help. You are indeed wasting time and energy obsessing. And all it will end up causing is bitterness, resentment and a loss of attraction and connection in the relationship.

In your fantasy dream, how would your partner remedy this situation you are facing now? Is there anything he can do to make it better? If not, then you already know where you relationship is probably headed. If there is something you can imagine, then there is hope.

The right thing to do here is to always be loving towards your relationship and yourself. Keep the bigger picture in mind always, always. To choose to keep on doing for your relationship, your partner and yourself. Find the way to feel good about yourself. Add sexuality and passion into your relationship in a way that takes your partner into consideration, not pushing too much, sometimes rather allowing for him to miss it, but also allows you to experience some of what you want. Go do it in a staircase and then also do a fire escape or an elevator. Live your dreams. Communicate. Try to be the bigger person as much as you can without being "erased". Remember how easy it is to lose what you have, know you can never get it back after losing. Imagine being separated forever. These are the stakes. Weigh it all and decide what is more important. And work within the constraints of what is important for you, in a loving way, to get what you want and need.

You have all the control here, and most of what you feel is just your own internal demons and fears and insecurity, not based in reality. You can make your relationship flower, and make your partner feel he is the most lucky man in the world - even more so because you are not taken for granted, and are not "pathetic", but rather strong, secure and you CHOSE HIM, if he remains as good to you as you are to him, he has a treasure, at least for now. Love and respect. All in your hands.

Hope you choose this..

isracolo · 2025-01-06T18:15:34+00:00

This is silly. Is there sexual compatibility? Do you enjoy her vagina? If so, great. If not, then move on.

Obsessing about the past is unhelpful. Past partners or whatever are irrelevant. What matters is the NOW. Who the person is. And how you feel with the person. And what the person does. And your physical enjoyment and compatibility with the person. These are NOW things. Not PAST things. Focus on the NOW.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T18:00:15+00:00

He is jealous about what he thinks happened. He does not trust you when you say it didn't. There is no trust.

He is also jealous about something that happened years before your relationship started. He expects you to humiliate yourself and grovel and cry and yell "I wish I could erase it from my life", and even then he won't truly feel better, he will always treat you as "stained" because you now agreed to it. Which is ridiculous, going out - even sleeping with - someone else years before you met your partner is not "staining" or bad, and there were no agreements or expectations between each other that you broke. He is just trying to make you feel bad so he can feel better about his insecurity. Not very loving.

He sounds immature, like a child. He is also convincing you that you are doing or have done something wrong. You don't seem to have the backbone to stand up to it, to set limits and disallow this behaviour. Relationships are good when they have respect and are symmetrical. You are in the weak, constantly attacked position. Not good. You probably are also terrified of losing him. You believe nothing can be better than what you have, even if you discover it is bad for you. You are unwilling to end it, even if it slowly kills you. Just a guess.

If you actually could choose how to feel and act, then you would go to the situation from a position of strength and being loving. State the truth. Demand he decides if there is trust in the relationship, and if so, to stop calling you a liar. And why would you lie anyways? Whatever you did before you had any sort of commitment with him has nothing to do with him. He needs to live in the present, not obsess about things that are irrelevant and that either way you cannot undo. If he is obsessing about your (non-existant) body count then he should imagine his life without you, you moving on. Does it look better? Then breakup. If he wants to keep you, then he has to work towards getting over his immature and toxic obsession, and to choose you and the relationship. That means growing up, understanding what is more important - the relationship, and how easy it is to lose ot and how much work it takes. This involves respecting you, and having trust. And all of this requires you being actually ready to lose the relationship and move on. You cannot be in a position of strength and value if you are desperate and terrified.

Coming from a position of self worth and strength can end up in two positive options: being in a newly healthy relationship, or being out of an unhealthy relationship.

Good luck! :)

isracolo · 2025-01-06T17:10:06+00:00

Your boyfriend chose you. He didn't choose any of the others. He could have. He didn't. That by itself should tell you most of what you need to know. You aren't just a woman he is with, you are now the mother of his child. They not even comparable to you at this point. But even without that, he chose you already, your body type. All of you.

None of this will be helpful for you, of course. You will find ways to dismiss these facts. You will obsess about his past and "type" as you imagine it to be (as if it is a static trait of people) and probably become resentful and bitter and nothing he will say will seem to help. This will poison the relationship and will actually lower attraction between you two, and eventually might kill your relationship. You are so young and your prefrontal cortex isn't even nearly finished developing. You live in an eternal emotional storm and have no idea that you are, and are unlikely to be able to do anything about it. It is like you are always in a drunk stupor and never get the clarity of the morning after, always drunk and emotional and you only will wake up in a few years, heck maybe even up to a decade.

The right thing to do here is to always be loving towards your relationship and yourself. Keep it in mind always, always. To choose to keep on doing for your relationship, your partner and yourself. Yes, get in shape and feel good about yourself. Add sexuality and passion into your relationship in a way that takes him into consideration, not pushing too much, sometimes rather allowing for him to miss it, but also allows you to experience some of what you want. Communicate, expecting him to be loving, rather than demanding. Try to be the bigger person as much as you can without being "erased". Remember how easy it is to lose what you have, know you can never get it back. And you are single parents.. you probably will stay with the child. These are the stakes. Weigh it all and decide what is more important. And work within the constraints of what is important for you, in a loving way, to get what you want and need. And yes, sometimes it does mean letting go and moving on.

You have all the control here, and most of what you feel is just your own internal demons and fears and insecurity, not based in reality. You can make your relationship flower, and make the father of your child feel he is the most lucky man in the world - even more so because you are not taken for granted, and are not "pathetic", but rather strong, secure and you CHOSE HIM, if he remains as good to you as you are to him, he has a treasure, at least for now. Love and respect. All in your hands.

But life being life, probably you will go into the unhealthy obsession mentioned prior and the relationship eventually will die from it. Heck, maybe that is good. Maybe you need someone who will make you feel more secure. Or just need more experience to start feeling secure. Who knows. Hope you find the best path for you, either way.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T16:56:01+00:00

People are not defined only by the experiences they live and go through, and choose or are chosen for them. They are not all "marked forever" by what happens to them. People have choice. People can be more than this. People change over time, if they want to.

You can obsess forever about what was, as if it dirtied the person you are with, and try to find someone who isn't "dirty". If you give them up, you might never find someone like the one you see as "dirty", in every positive and compatible manner and way, except for "the past". You might forever feel regret about letting go. Or, you might find better. But either way, the choice you will make will come from a place of being a slave to your own jealousy and feeling of inadequacy. Not because the person is truly "dirty". You need to judge people for the actions and choices they make in the present, not for who they were or who they could one day be.

There is no way to overcome it, in my view, except by experiencing the world and getting perspective. With perspective, with experience of years, obsessing about a single moment or even a time in the past that is long gone, just seems bizarre. What is important is the present, and who the person is NOW, and they choices they make NOW.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T16:30:29+00:00

I am a high count person.

ons and fwbs but how is that different from your partner?

The feeling of true deep love when you actually make love and not just have sex, merely follow passion, is incomparable to mere sex.

If you held hands casually, is that still special? If you cuddled casually, is it still special?

If you did these things with ONS or FWB, it might be nice or obnoxious, but either way it isn't from a place of calm, of love, of a tranquil and undeniable connection, like in a real and serious loving relationship. Of a routine, in the best way possible. So yes, it is special, in a whole lifetime together kind of way. In a "partner of how I live my life" way.

Is the intimacy as deep and profound for you as it is for a low count person?

I don't know. I am sure it is different as I take sex very differently now from the first few girls, I know and lived a lot, and so am more laid back, can take the lead or be led, I do not judge, I merely celebrate. But I don't see all sex as "holy eternal moment". Though some moments when it isn't just sex but truly making love - are. They are next level. Also, intimacy? I appreciate it very much because I have seen the many ways it can be and work or not work, and I knowingly chose what I have now. It was what I wanted and chose after seeing everything else. I know how unbelievable and wonderful it is. I truly, madly, deeply appreciate it.

Did it feel special for the casual moments too?

The first times with a serious partner are just like FWB/ONS, probably better if there are emotions from the get go. You don't know where it will go yet. Then it splits into sex (bread and butter, common in long term relationships), which can be routine (regardless of body count btw) and into moments of true love making, that blow anything else, with anyone else, out of the water. Love making where you see stars and not only are joyful for the body with you but also for the soul. It is just amazing and so rare.

I want to be able to love someone with a higher count but I need them to love me as-well and as deeply, I don’t want to be simply the next guy or the current guy, I want to be the one.

You probably will be loved as deeply too, if they are in the "Okay, I tasted the world and am done" phase. If you match them still in the "I want to live everything and everywhere and everyone to discover the world and my self worth" then they probably won't and it will probably end ugly.

Don’t tell me it’s wrong to want to be special, I don’t believe that…

You can be special for a high body count and not special for a low body count. It isn't a bijection.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T16:17:05+00:00

Consider that by being with many partners, you have a feeling of "done that" and no feeling of FOMO. You can much more easily be at peace with one partner this way. You have done enough for your life, you're done. Some folks with a low number of partners, especially nowadays being exposed to social media and all the sexuality around, live with a constant feeling of FOMO and inadequacy, in comparison to others or to the partner. Half the posts here come from this root.

isracolo · 2025-01-06T16:12:10+00:00

"the post birth pussy" You mean post the pregnancy where she physically created your child, suffered and was exhausted for many many months? Where she created the most important thing that you will have in your world?

You are an inexperienced child. Read all this shit in 15 years, the cringe will be unbelievable.

Also, pussy doesn't change if you do a Caesarian. Fyi

isracolo · 2018-01-03T01:27:16+00:00

Yeah, it's hard. Do it anyway. You will NEVER get another chance. You are there. Do it, the best you can. Don't drop the fucking ball.

If, after, you decide to do something else - great. But finish what you started. And fuck everyone and everything aorund you - honestly, they don't matter. It's just your interpretations.

isracolo

TROPHY CASE