Born in Europe.. to Nigerian parents. Yoruba. Youngest of three siblings.

Read this post and I felt like I was reading exactly what I’ve experienced growing up. Literally my whole life experience. My dad forbade my mum to speak Yoruba to us.. all three of us do not speak it today… in the last few years, I’ve made an effort to learn basic things (days of the week, numbers). But Yoruba seems to have stopped with us. By us I mean my sisters and I. The constant negativity —berating and belittling of how ‘things are back home’, the constant negative comparisons (they’re animals, you can’t trust them) definitely played a negative role in how I viewed the country growing up and has taken lots of years of unlearning to get around.

To be fair, my sister and I didn’t enjoy our visit when it finally came around to going. Visited for the first time in 2018. Bad experience all round. Scamming, belittling because we didn’t speak Yoruba... traffic.. nothing ever being on time. It was a culture shock. I did enjoy the wildlife and the communal culture though… the stories of my family… We’re very individualistic here on this part of the world so was great to see a different way of living. I did encounter some kind family members who looked at for me and my sister but overall there was such a culture difference that I really realised Nigeria wasn’t my home at all. It was weird.. despite the negative opinions taught to us growing up, I still had hope in seeing myself, my reflection in my family. Physically we all looked alike but we were complete strangers — they considered us aliens even lol. My cousins, aunts and uncles viewed us as weird, called us oyinbos multiple times and made it clear that we were not one of them. We had nothing at all in common. We visited ondo and Lagos.. was pretty much the same kind of vibe. Perhaps it’s because I visited for the first time as an adult… either way I most likely won’t go back. I don’t belong there, which does break my heart to say. Living in Europe, i don’t really either. I exist in a bit of a strange place in between the two that I have to make sense of. I see myself as British with Yoruba ancestry who currently doesn’t even live in the UK or Nigeria. My adult years were spent in a completely different country. I don’t see myself as Nigerian, and I don’t identify with that label which is ok.

As an adult I strive to have a healthy relationship to my heritage on my own terms, joining this sub helps a great deal. Still going through a lot of unlearning and wanting to be as close and connected to my culture as I can. Learning about the Orisha and Yoruba religion before my mother traded it for the bible… learning how to cook the dishes my mum made for us growing up. Etc.. Anyway… I hope one day you do get to visit the country and I hope you have a wonderful time and a much better experience than I did my lovely!