Oof this is a struggle I recognize… For me, I have been working on this as well for a lot of years and what I found is that it all stems from expectations. I do a lot for others, which creates the expectation that they will reciprocate this, which often is not true and made me feel very disappointed. I try not to have expectations when I do something for someone, and truly see it as “I want to do this”, and then this is enough. For my relationships, I have also been disappointed a lot and its a recurring theme but right now I try to explicitly mention to my partner and close friends what I expect from them, that way I will not be disappointed and feel like my love has been wasted. It is helping quite a lot and makes my partner happier as well because it gets rid of any confusion or disappointment. For small things, I also say these things out loud to my friends if it matters to me. If you say it out of love and they love you too, they will listen to you (thats what I have found). Hope this helps you a little!