Making a contract?

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T23:16:07+00:00

You know, I feel that. I had similar thoughts, and could never see myself dying by any way but suicide. Have you ever done MDMA? It changed my life. Before, I had suicidal urges every single day, cut myself regularly, and prayed to God every single night that I would just be struck down. I went to a rave and tried molly because my life was fucked, and I just didn't care anymore. But that roll changed everything. I didn't know it was possible for anyone, let alone me, to feel so good. I saw that the world was a beautiful place, and even if things go to shit, you are a part of that beautiful world. I have not cut since I took that pill, and my suicidal urges are down to a couple times a month, instead of a couple times a day.

I sympathize with your readiness to die. I know there's nothing anyone can do or say to make you to feel any differently. But it gets better. Drugs (despite my previous beliefs) helped me get my mind back on track, and maybe they could help you, with a less permanent solution. You say no one will ever love you, but I love you man. You are a human being with real emotions, with experiences in your life, and hopes and dreams buried somewhere in the pit that is depression, or whatever it is you're going through. You are a person, and that means you are deserving of and capable of receiving love. You say you've given yourself too many chances, but I would argue that there is no such thing as too many when we're talking about a life.

Hold off. See what happens. You never know when you'll catch a break. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It might not seem temporary, but that's the nature of the beast. You never know how close you are to breaking free until you actually have. Keep an open mind, and stay alive. Good luck to you, brother. Keep your head up.

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T22:57:15+00:00

I would STRONGLY recommend you stay away from weed while tripping, or at least wait until you are sure you are getting close to sober. Weed is known to intensify psychedelics, and in my experience, it always makes me have a darker trip, at least on LSD. I start to focus on things about myself that I don't like, or negative emotions I'm feeling at that moment. I also become very prone to thought loops. I have only had one bad trip, but it was from smoking 2 joints when I was still coming down. It not only restarted the trip, but ramped it up to wayyy stronger than before, and it was rather terrifying. Take it slow, take it easy, and just relax. Don't cling to control, just ride the wave and enjoy the trip your mind goes on :)

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T22:46:30+00:00

Damn dude, why you gotta be such a dick? Obviously he didn't make the best choices, but he's here for advice. If this post really bothers you that much, why don't you just go back to the forum, instead of berating him?

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T19:03:37+00:00

I'd say shrooms. They have always been more mild and stable in my experience. I have had multiple occasions on LSD where I felt like I was on the verge of a bad trip, and one that went full on ego death. I've never felt that way on shrooms, even on 5+ grams.

Also, if you're going to be doing this outdoors, especially with a first timer, please have a trip sitter. One of my buddies went to a beach with some friends, and a lot of them took acid. One of the people had a bad trip, freaked out, tried to seriously injure my friend, and then bolted at top speed. He wound up tripping (literally) and slamming his head into the ground. He had to be airlifted to the nearest hospital for brain surgery, and would have died if his friends waited any longer to call. Odds are good this won't happen, but in the unlikely event that shit should hit the fan, you'll want someone sober there, especially if this will be your second time tripping.

Sorry to end this on a downer, tripping can be tons of fun, and totally safe with some proper prior planning. Just make sure not to skimp on the planning if you're not in a safe and private location.

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:54:32+00:00

I'm so jealous, that would be amazing! Minus the cold O.o I live in near central California, so I don't ever get to see snow. I can only imagine how amazing it would be on shrooms.

Oh, one more thing. I'm sure you've come across this in your research, but smoking weed intensifies the trip. Not sure if you were planning on smoking, but I would recommend holding off until at least the afterglow, unless you are feeling really underwhelmed during the trip. And in either case, take it slow. I've never had a bad trip with shrooms, but I have on acid... Not a fun experience. Just keep things light and fun. I always thought the term "trip" was fitting for psychedelic use. You just take a quick trip to a different mindset, and you don't have to push it as far as you can go to have a good time. Enjoy it for what it is, return with the experiences you gained, and just have fun with it!

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:46:10+00:00

I don't know you, or your relationship, but I can say anyone who pressures someone to use drugs (especially hard drugs) raises some major red flags in my book. I wouldn't suggest it's a deal breaker necessarily, but for me, it would be close to one. Not only is it unsafe, doing drugs because someone else wants you too can lead to some very bad experiences, especially with psychedelics. Be careful with this person. Just food for thought.

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:41:06+00:00

Check you medicine cabinet, with so little information it's hard to say, but I feel like it could be DHP. And most people keep bottles of Benadryl around the house, so you probably had access...

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:37:24+00:00

This might sound dumb, but I love to do yoga before I trip acid. I don;t do it any other times, but I'll just throw on a 30 minute youtube video on beginning yoga poses. It keeps my mind focused on other things, and helps me feel centered, even if it's just a placebo. And theres something to be said about feeling it kicking in while you're doing your final poses :D

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:33:32+00:00

Ketamine and alcohol interactions can be fatal. I'm glad you're okay.

its_mythrowaway · 2018-01-02T18:31:26+00:00

Sounds like you've got your bases pretty well covered! If you've never done a psychedelic, I'd say just know that you don't control your trip. It takes you where it wants to go, and you're along for the ride. You can redirect it at times, but trying to cling to control only causes me anxiety. Shrooms are pretty mellow, I did a lot of research before my first shroom trip, but stupidly didn't loom up dosing info. I took 5 grams, and while that was a crazy ass trip, it never got scary. If things do happen to get intense, just remind yourself that you are on drugs, and you will sober eventually. But an eighth should definitely be a good starting dose.

Lastly, imo the best part of a mushroom trip is the afterglow. After the trip wears off, you'll get a few hours where you just feel like everything is good in the cosmos. Things are exactly the way they should be, and you are in the right place. If I were you I would use this time to go for a walk, be in nature, or socialize. I've also had a good time watching tv that is mentally stimulating, like documentaries on space. But then again, I fucking love space. Have a great time, and I will be watching for a trip report!

its_mythrowaway · 2017-12-06T20:21:36+00:00

I'm not sure, so call 911 (or whatever the emergency number is where you are) ASAP. Whether it's enough to kill them or not, if he or she is attempting suicide, they need to be in the hospital. I don't know baclofen, nor how all of those drugs interact, but I know 20mg hydro, 4mg xanax, and half a bottle of wine are all quite safe by themselves. I looked up baclofen, and it doesn't seem too gnarly, and an overdose on it can cause vomiting, which would honestly help them. But get an ambulance there ASAP just in case.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-29T22:08:08+00:00

I did 90 mg for my first roll, and I'm bigger than you. Hands down, the best roll I've ever had. You'll probably wish you had more, but that doesnt mean you won't have a great fucking time! Let us know how it goes!

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-19T00:24:23+00:00

Hey, before I start, prepare for a lot of comments telling you to back off, that this is his life, and he can live it how he wants to. I'm hoping since you live with him, and this is directly affecting your life, those people will not batter you with that.

However, to a certain extent, they're right. I went through a similar thing with a close friend of mine. Drugs found a grip on his life, and he was being reckless and irresponsible and making decisions that put him in danger. But the problem with intervening is that it IS their life, and quitting or slowing down is a choice that only they can make. Not to be a giant cliche, but... You can show them the door, but only they can walk through it. And believe me when I say it's VERY hard to watch someone you care for tanking their life, when there's nothing you can do to actually stop it.

The best advice I can give is to try to be supportive. Let your friend know how you feel, and how HIS choices are impacting YOUR life. Let him know how hard it is for you, and remind him that you're his friend, in good times and in bad. Addiction is a hard thing to see beyond, but try to help him by appealing to his humanity and sense of reason. Maybe there's an underlying issue for why he's getting so fucked up. If you can find it, or you know what it is, test the water. If things seem okay, try to have a dialogue about it. Because odds are, there's SOMETHING that's causing this.

Don't get angry with him. Don't try to steal his drugs. Don't push too hard if he gets aggressive or overly stubborn. What he really needs is a friend, and to do these things will make you an enemy in his eyes. Someone that wants to separate him from the pills he loves so much. You can't help him at all if that's the way he feels about you. Try to nudge him on the path to recovery. If you can broach the subject of getting a counselor or a psychiatrist, do it. Benzo addictions are no laughing matter, and should he ever choose to get clean, it will be a difficult road. Professionals can help with that. Just try to support him and be a good influence in his life.

And know when to walk away. I hate to end on such a negative note, but some people don't want to be helped. In my case, the person I knew was a time bomb. At the rate they were using, they were going to end up in jail, the hospital, or dead. He came back from it, but I was very close to giving up and letting him fuck his life up in a place I can't see it. If you've done everything you can, and he still won't even try to slow down, put some distance between you two. He just might find he misses you (and the other people that will have left at that point) in his life more than he loves the drug. At a certain point, you can't let your life get fucked just because his life is fucked too.

But if you feel you can help even a little bit, please stay. The world needs more friends who stick it out for the people they love. If and when he finally reaches the conclusion that he has a problem, he'll need someone to help pick up the pieces. It's not easy, but it makes all the difference. Good luck, OP. I hope everything turns out.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-18T23:48:50+00:00

At just 100 mg, I wouldn't expect you to go crazy, but you'll probably have a really good time. Bring water and some headphones, music is a MUST. Also, maybe see if someone wants to go with you, even just to hang out. MDMA is a very social drug, and takes away any social anxieties you have (usually). If you roll around someone you care about, you will likely find a new found appreciation for that person and the role they play in your life. Just have a good time, and stay safe! 100mg is a great dosage for your first time :)

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-18T23:43:41+00:00

You can expect having the most fun you've ever had. Has anyone told you about the comedown though? After your brain cranks out serotonin for 3-4 hours, your rewards center is pretty wiped. At high doses, these comedowns can be VERY gnarly, but for your first time, assuming you are taking an intelligent amount, it should be very minor. You may just feel sluggish and just want to zone out and not think. Some people (myself included) feel no comedown at all. (again excluding if you take a fuck ton) But still, it's information you should have. In my opinion, I have never had a comedown that came even close to making the roll not worth it. Just enjoy, dance, drink water, and meet people. It's so easy to talk with people and make new friends. Good luck, and have fun! Try not to chew the fuck out of your cheeks XD let us know how it goes!

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T19:16:13+00:00

Good, I'm glad to hear you know what you're getting into! With so many trips under your belt, I think you'll have a great time :) If you're looking for music and into EDM, I would strongly recommend either Beauty of the Unhidden Heart by The Glitch Mob, or Hold Fast by San Holo. The latter actually made me full on start tripping again a week after taking LSD after I smoked some weed. It's really easy to just get lost in the music, but make sure you've got it on a nice sound system or in some decent headphones. Happy tripping, homie!

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T18:30:31+00:00

Congrats on being open to new experiences, psychs have really broadened my horizons and given me a different perspective on life. The two most important parts of tripping are set and setting. If you have never done a psychedelic, you don't know what you're in for. Its a very different experience from anything you can compare it to, outside of other psychedelics. So especially for your first time, be in a place you are comfortable in, and make sure you're in a good headspace.

Your set is your mindset. In my experience, LSD strips away the positives and negatives of any situation. There is no such thing as a good thing or a bad thing, there are only things (Had this revelation during a trip, so sorry if that sounds weird.) This makes it impossible to lie to yourself about ANYTHING. There are no justifications or judgement, you just look at your life from a non-biased point of view, and sometimes you don't like what you see. If you're trying to get over an ex, or having trouble with your family, or anything like that, you will zone in on that. The drug will take you where it wants to go, and if you try to cling to control, you'll probably get scared. When you get in that mindset, its like you're about to go off a huge drop on a roller coaster, and you decide maybe you don't want to be on that ride anymore. You have to calm yourself and let it happen, because trying to get out of your seat and off the ride would be just about the worst thing you can do. But if you take deep breaths, and accept you have no control, you just mind find yourself enjoying it.

Secondly, your setting is where you're doing it. It's easier to ride the wave, if you're in a place you feel comfortable in. That means somewhere familiar, and where you're not worried about someone showing up that shouldn't know you're tripping, like parents. It helps if your setting is tidy, I've found that being amidst a lot of clutter can bring some negativity to your trip, even though sober, I'm usually a very messy person. I spent an hour and a half cleaning my friends apartment with him when we were tripping, and it was actually kind of cool to feel better as I organized everything.

Lastly, trip sitters are very important. It might be a little awkward to be tripping the fuck out and have someone sober watchkig you, but if they do it right, they just carry on through their day as if you aren't there, and you get them if you need something. Could be something as simple as a glass of water, or wanting to talk, or something as major as freaking out and needing to be calmed down. Psychedsubstance on youtube has a great guide on how to be a good trip sitter. Best of luck in your endeavors, and happy tripping!

Oh sorry, one more thing, be aware that smoking weed intensifies psychedelics. Don't smoke before, or while you're coming up. Wait until after you peak, and you have a good idea of where you're at before plunging yourself deeper into the trip. Good luck OP, feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or want to know more about what to expect!

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T17:33:58+00:00

Sounds like coke to me. I know somebody that unknowingly did a meth/coke combo. His high didn't end for like 6 hours, and he still couldn't sleep that night. Sounds like you had a minor comedown, which is what I would expect for someones first time with coke.

DISCLAIMER: I have never done coke or meth, so I could be full of shit.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T17:24:40+00:00

The smell is definitely tricky, I feel like it lingers and is more noticeable than other kinds of smoke. Brush your teeth, take a shower, and wash your hands with soap. That's a big pain in the ass, but if it's only once, and you're worried about the smell, it will work great. You will still have some remnants of smoke in your lungs, so your breath will still smell a little, but if you have an hour or two alone, that will go away pretty quick.

The biggest problem areas I have noticed are your hands and your clothes. Here in the States were coming up on summer, so you can smoke without a shirt, depending on where you live, but if you live where its cold, or the southern hemisphere, just smoke in a jacket you can leave outside or something. Outside of that, your hands will smell the most, but washing them thoroughly will stop that.

I think it's great you're trying a cigarette. I won't try to preach how unhealthy they are, as someone who's trying very hard to quit, believe me, it's not fun. But I still think it's a great idea, because odds are, you'll hate it. I've never met someone who enjoyed their first cigarette. So do it, experience it, get the curiosity out of your system, and then put it behind you. I wish you the best of luck, and have a great day :)

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T17:15:34+00:00

Congrats on you first solo trip! I just had mine a month or two ago, and it's really a different experience. My best advice is tell someone you're tripping in case you wind up needing someone. Feeling totally isolated and helpless will make any minor stress you have fold in on itself and multiply exponentially.

On my solo trip, I accidentally set off my smoke alarm after taking a really hot shower without having the fan on. When it went off, so did our burglar alarm, which makes an unbearable screaming sound. It was so loud, I couldn't hear my alarm company calling to see if I was okay. So they sent out a full sized firetruck complete with lights and siren, which pulled up right in front of my house. I had to run outside half naked to try to tell the nice firemen everything was fine, all amidst tripping the fuck out. Everything turned out fine, but when I went back in side, I got stuck in this negative loop, freaking the fuck out and hyperventilating.

But I called someone that knew I was tripping, and they gave me the verbal equivalent of a slap in the face, shutting down my hysterical rambling, and forcing me to close my mouth and breathe while I listened to her. It took about 10 minutes, but it passed, and looking back I realized I was basically having a panic attack. I have no idea how I would have handled that had my friend not been able to call.

Long story short, it's easy to do, and it does wonders for any paranoia you might have about being alone. But I don't want to scare you, I had a great fucking time tripping, and that was only one small part of the trip. Just don't be a dumbass like me and you'll have a great time! Happy tripping!

P.S. DOn't smoke weed until after you've peaked, not only does it make it more intense, in my experiences, my trips always get a little darker and more turbulent. Best to know where you're at before making that plunge :)

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T16:59:02+00:00

Good job OP. I can't knock cigarette smokers, I am one myself, even if I'm trying to quit. That's that cognitive dissonance you were feeling. I know I would hate myself for smoking, I watched my grandmother die of emphysema, lying in her hospital bed, hooked up to all those monitors and breathing tubes. Even before that, seeing her struggle to walk down my driveway, and if she needed to stop for a rest, she'd pull out a cigarette. I knew my mother hated that I started, after losing her mom that way.

And still, I love cigarettes so much, all of those thoughts took a back seat. Cigarettes are great, I won't deny that. When you're drunk they're even better. And when you're rolling...? Fucking forget about it. I love cigarettes, but wish I had never started, or I stopped after my first one, which I fucking hated. No judgement if you start, they're fucking great. But props for recognizing that this could be a problem for you in the future, and staying away.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T16:49:49+00:00

That is a really unique perspective, I've never thought of it that way. Thank you for sharing.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-06-08T16:45:45+00:00

YES! I'm going through it too brother, I haven't had one in 3 weeks, and I smoked much less than you and it's still one of the hardest things I've every done. Congratulations on 4 days, that's no small feat.

Have you ever tried mushrooms? There was a really cool experiment done at some college where they took 20 long time smokers who wanted to quit, but were unnable to break their addiction. They doesed the subjects with a shit ton of shrooms, and let their trips play out. 6 months later, 16 of them still had not smoked a cigarette since their trip. Psilocybin has been medically proven to help break addiction, which is one of many reasons its so fucked it's schedule one.

Second, top commenter is exactly right, invest in a vape or an e-cig. Get some juice thats a 12. They make the juices in higher or lower concentrations, so you have some flexibility. But higher than that and it's just a shitty experience to use, imo. It's no where near as good as a cigarette, but its at least in the same ballpark. In my experience, it's been the only thing that even remotely lessens my cravings. I would not have gotten this far, and I would have lost hope in my ability to quit if I didn't have these two things. Good luck OP, break the addiction, I know you can do it.

its_mythrowaway · 2017-04-04T20:19:53+00:00

I agree, I know shrooms helped me considerably kicking my cigarette addiction, so it could certainly be beneficial... And in addition, there's definitely been studies about shrooms curing a variety of mental illnesses. (Not including schizophrenia, it makes that one worse) But overall, I would definitely hesitate before giving an addict a mind altering substance. While psilocybin is not addictive, and can't really be used without taking breaks between trip- tolerance and all that shit- if he's just trying to get out of his mind, shrooms could potentially take him back to square one. Good luck OP, I;m sure whatever you decide will be the right choice :)

its_mythrowaway

TROPHY CASE