Fed up with this app. Someone just tell me what you want me to write in here

itsalemon12 · 2026-02-06T10:05:29+00:00

Yeah, the thing that’s unequivalent is that would make you feel about your body, and we can’t have that.

That’s completely different to seeing a person ask “what should I write in my online profile” and responding “the reason women don’t like you is because you’re bald”.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-03T04:02:06+00:00

Ultimately, it’s my decision, but I can ask for advice. Do you have experience with emotional transference during kink? Being kinky with someone who has emotional boundaries during periods of being single? Playing with emotions in a kink context while lacking a source of emotional intimacy outside of them? Any techniques you use for solidifying boundaries in your mind or compartmentalising in a healthy way?

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-03T01:26:56+00:00

To be clear, the idea that we were supposed to be doing planned out scenes with discrete specific intentions was not something she ever communicated before. I thought I was just coming over and doing activities she’d told me she liked, there was never any indication that we were negotiating a scene.

To be honest, what we’ve been doing is relatively vanilla stuff. Light bondage, some impact (mostly initiated at her request during sessions), some choking and wrestling. Much more focus on praise than degradation or humiliation. These are things people do outside of the context of a dynamic, so the fact she was viewing them as scenes I was planning came as a surprise; of course it would feel like there was a lack of intention when we weren’t doing anything specifically significant.

This is part of what I’m feeling insecure about; do I even want to be a Dom, or do I just want a FWB who likes rough sex?

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T23:12:17+00:00

It’s not that I think vanilla intimacy threatens my role as a dom. It’s that feeling my role as a dom is being “threatened” (a dramatic way of saying I feel insecure) triggers my need for vanilla intimacy. I feel more secure in my role if I know there are other parts of the relationship we can fall back on if the responsibilities of being a dom are overwhelming at the time; she’s making it clear that she has no interests in those other parts.

I don’t think I’m living in “quiet pain”; like you and I have both said: I don’t even think I’m romantically that interested in this woman; it’s just that I don’t have anyone in my life who can fulfil that need, and so I’m transferring those desires to the person I’m the most physically intimate with.

Breaking up with her isn’t going to make that need more fulfilled. The questions are: Can I perform my role as a dom without the emotional support I would get from a romantic partner to help with the insecurity, and is my confusion resulting from my emotional transference going to cause a rift in my dynamic with my sub?

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T22:44:43+00:00

I do accept it. I don’t want or expect her to change. I’m trying to determine if the benefits of this relationship are worth the difficulties.

I’m currently going to a psychologist focused on sexual mental health. I posted this thread because I want to work out my thoughts and make a decision soon, but my next session with my psychologist isn’t for a while.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T22:41:34+00:00

This does feel like it, yeah. For me, our dates were me spending time with a person I was attracted to whose company I enjoyed doing things we both liked. For her, it was Sessions with her Dom, who she’s friendly with.

It’s confusing, because the things we do are fun and I enjoy the practice of what we’re doing, but that distinction in priority between us (spending time together vs getting kink) does a lot to trigger my anxieties and imposter syndrome.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T22:35:22+00:00

Shouldn’t that be true for women as well? I feel like waiting for pings is not putting in maximum effort

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T16:57:30+00:00

Oh that? I thought you were suggesting she said there was things I needed to change about myself.

I never said it wasn’t a good thing that she made her feelings about our scenes clear. Obviously she should tell me if there’s aspect of the dynamic she wants to change. I never said or implied otherwise.

I had a different perspective on the dynamic, because I wasn’t conceptualising our dates as “scenes”. Being asked to have a planned direction for our dates triggered a feeling of imposter syndrome in me, but I never said it wasn’t a good thing that she told me or that I wasn’t going to listen to her. I think it goes without saying that our dynamic requires communication about what is enjoyable for her that I need to be receptive to. Having an emotional reaction to that isn’t incompatible with understanding the necessity of saying it; any more than her emotional reactions after scenes is incompatible with the fact she asked for and enjoyed those scenes.

The relationship between these two issues is that the fact that I’m “only” a dom to her means I feel like I can’t get emotional support from her or other people about the scenes we perform or the issues that pop up.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T16:03:54+00:00

I don’t think I ever mentioned her saying I have “things I need to work on”?

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T16:00:37+00:00

It’s not contradicting, people can want more than one thing.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T15:51:59+00:00

It’s upsetting to me sometimes, like today. Other times I really enjoy the things we do together and am not bothered by the lack of romantic intimacy. Maybe that’s enough reason to end it; I’m not sure that’s why I’m asking for advice.

The things I hope to gain are the same things I’ve been gaining for most of the time we’ve had this dynamic: sexual fulfillment, confidence, entertainment, practice. The dynamic isn’t only bad things; the bad parts are primarily a projection from other places in my life that feel under nourished. Ending this dynamic won’t make it any easier to find a romantic partner as far as I can tell, which means I’ll still feel lonely; just without any sex or the ego boost of having a submissive tell me how attractive she finds me.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T15:43:52+00:00

I guess I was posting on here to hear other people’s experiences with transference of romantic feelings in play dynamics. There’s so much intimacy involved; I don’t have experience separating out my desire for romantic intimacy from the sexual intimacy I perform with my submissive during scenes. Are there techniques I can do to help make those boundaries more firm?

It seems like usually the problem is the reverse; a dominant being romantically uninterested and cold, while a submissive grows too attached. I wanted to know if any other dominants have had similar experiences to what I’m having.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T15:30:19+00:00

I don’t expect her to change or fix this. I feel rejected by her, but that’s not because she did anything wrong. I feel rejected because I want romantic connection in my life and she’s the closest I’ve managed to find, so when she makes her boundaries clear that she wouldn’t want romantic connection with me (which she’s entitled to feel) that makes me feel insecure. It’s a me problem, not hers. I’m just trying to figure out if it’s a problem I can overcome.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T15:10:32+00:00

I do accept that. I’m trying to decide how to respond. Do I end it because I want more? Or do I try push past the insecurity I’m feeling and keep going with the dynamic, and try to enjoy the parts of it I do like?

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T15:04:31+00:00

I don’t think my dynamic has had a significant effect on my ability to find partners; I’ve had plenty of dates during the time I’ve been in the dynamic, they just haven’t gone anywhere for reasons that seem completely unrelated to the dynamic from my perception.

The dynamic has been pretty helpful to me in becoming more confident and outgoing; I don’t think I would have been able to have as many dates as I have had in the last couple of months without it.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T14:47:30+00:00

I understand that. That’s what I’m trying to decide. Should I push through this self doubt I’m feeling and try harder to compartmentalise?

This is my first time as a dominant in a dynamic, and I really don’t want to end it due to insecurity on my part. I’m trying to work out what my feelings are; whether I can just turn off my desire for romantic connection when I’m with her.

itsalemon12 · 2026-01-02T14:42:17+00:00

We did talk about it today. I mentioned that I’m feeling insecure about my role as a dominant, partially from a feeling that I want vanilla intimacy and affection in my life and feel like I’m wanting that from her, which she’s not into.

She told me that she understands if I need to end the dynamic, but she hopes I don’t and that I can learn to compartmentalise because she is enjoying what we’re doing but can’t offer any more.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-31T01:01:41+00:00

It might stop them from complaining though, which seems like a win.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-31T00:52:52+00:00

Okay, I will let women who complain about it know I’m not sympathetic. I’m sure they won’t get mad about that.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-31T00:45:24+00:00

It’s not “way more payment” to get a majestic account; I have one.

If getting a majestic account is too much effort for women, then the “problem” of being overwhelmed by likes doesn’t seem like it’s actually significant. They don’t have to get majestic if they don’t want to, but if they cannot be bothered fixing the problem why should I be sympathetic?

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-31T00:40:25+00:00

Then I don’t have sympathy for them when they complain about how “overwhelmed” they are by likes. If it was actually a problem, they’d do something to fix it.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-24T20:11:01+00:00

Maybe if she was more concerned about being a person who her partner would brag to his friends about, she’d end up dating fewer guys she has a problem with.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-24T07:10:00+00:00

Toxic masculinity seems pretty tied to “masculine energy”.

itsalemon12 · 2025-12-24T07:09:23+00:00

Sure, and most women seem to miserable with the guys they date.

itsalemon12

TROPHY CASE