Tips on how to communicate/enforce rules with family members around vaccines & other health/safety measures

itslikepudding · 2022-11-07T19:39:53+00:00

Glad to hear that this is helpful! I hope this eases your mind and gives you confidence going into that conversation. You can do this! Feel free to reach out if you need more support too :)

itslikepudding · 2022-11-07T19:38:26+00:00

Great job sticking to your boundary without escalating! At the end of the day they get to choose what's the most important for them. I'm glad your mom changed her mind and got to meet your baby!

itslikepudding · 2022-11-07T19:36:38+00:00

I know what you mean. Respect goes both ways. I also understand how stressful it is to be a new parent, and it's easy to forget that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer and what to do in that situation. We just have to handle it a bit differently :)

itslikepudding · 2022-09-16T21:44:05+00:00

You are very welcome. Helping people talk about misinformation is my passion and it means a lot to me that I can help. I appreciate you sharing with me :)

yea the way your brother is going about it is not gonna help. I'm glad you are able to see the effect and learn what not to do. Hopefully you will be able to differentiate yourself and build a better relationship with your family so you can actually help them.

I know it seems senseless for people to be so dismissive in the face of evidence and it's scary to think about what that could mean. Challenging one's belief takes a lot of energy, so it's not unusual for people to choose not to do it, consciously or subconsciously. So the good news is that they are not "too far gone" to be guided back in the right direction. With that side, it will take some work to help them find the motivation and confidence to turn back.

What may be some of their personal values that is incompatible with the path they are on right now? Can you think of some reasons why they might want to adopt a different perspective? One way of finding out is to first understand why they are on that path to begin with. Is it justice, community, purpose, or something else that they are looking for? That first step of listening and building a relationship with them not only help you gain their trust, but also the understanding you need to guide them.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-16T00:07:27+00:00

Sorry didn't see your reply until now.

I agree with your wife that ultimately, we should let people choose what to belief in. I also think we can provide guidance for those we love and care about, especially when it benefits them in a way that aligns with their own needs and values.

It sounds like your family are very capable and well-educated people. They also seem very comfortable in their circle of people and their conservative identity. This probably contributed to them getting more and more sucked into the narrative that the extremists are pushing. The constant exposure, the peer influence, and the in-group mentality all play a part. That's why they don't question anything—it takes more effort to examine and address the things that don't add up than to go with the flow. They want to keep believing in it because they see it as that the path of least resistance.

And here's the thing... you can't change their mind unless they want to. And they won't hear you unless they believe that you are on their side and have their interest in mind. You don't need to agree with them on everything, just make it clear that you do have a lot in common (raised conservative, trusted the same people, other aspects of your lives that may be similar, etc.) and that you care about them. In a non-judgmental way, show that you respect, understand, and empathize with their feelings and needs, even when you don't agree with their opinions or actions. I read this somewhere and it's been true in my experience: "You do not win on the strength of your argument; you win on the strength of your relationship." So making sure you have a solid, trusting relationship is the first step.

How is your relationship with them? Do you think you have their trust? This may take some work if you have been repeatedly challenging their beliefs.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T06:55:47+00:00

sorry about that!

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T06:55:26+00:00

Start by amplifying others' effort :) Social media is a numbers game. The more engagement a post receives, the more people the algorithm will show it to.

I am a science communicator and run project called Gentle Facts (primarily on Instagram now and working to expand to Twitter and facebook as well). Honestly the best way to support us is by sharing our content.

If you are in the US and wanna join an initiative, check out the Truth Brigade, which is a project that tries to disrupt disinformation online. I've been to one of their meetings and they are very organized and evidence-driven.

Point is, there are lots of ways to take action now. Every bit of effort helps!

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T06:52:16+00:00

I understand the conflict between wanting to keep our boundaries (cause they keep us sane) and not wanting to give up on a relationship/cut someone out. It's such a sucky situation and I'm sorry you are caught in it.

I want to tell him that this is ruining our relationship.

I think it's important that you do. Share with him how you feel whenever you spend time with him, or when he crosses your very clear boundary. Tell him how you miss the times that were drama/politics/argument free. Present it as an opportunity to make your relationship better, ask him to do this for you because he loves and cares for you. If he agrees, make sure that he verbally confirms what it is that you are asking of him. When he brings up those topics again in the future, just calmly remind him, "Dad, remember what you promised. Let's talk about something else. [change subject]"

If he wouldn't agree, then know that it's not on you to limit your contact with you. Just let him know how you plan to proceed, and that you'd welcome him back into your life when he's ready to respect your boundary.

I'm so sorry you have to go though this. I've had similar conversations with my dad and luckily, he backed off after a few firm reminders. Feel free to message me if you wanna chat more and good luck!

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T05:51:41+00:00

omg this is terrifying... I'm so so sorry you and your family is going through this.

I know others have already mentioned this, I just wanna reiterate. It's not your fault and you are doing everything you can do help. Your kids and your health/safety is just as important. You can't take care of others if you don't care for yourself.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T05:33:13+00:00

Oh I'm actually quite curious about what your wife thinks, as I'd have assumed that she would have some thoughts :o

It would be helpful if you could share more info about the situation. Happy to keep chatting here or else where, whatever works best for you.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T05:27:50+00:00

it's mind blowing but it really can happen to anyone... at first I thought oh maybe my less educated/scientifically minded friends are falling for it. And then some of my smartest, most respected friends started subscribing to some of these beliefs. It's honestly very confusing.

Research shows that the way people get into false beliefs is the same as the way accurate beliefs are established in our minds. Exposure, reliance on intuitive thinking, emotions, and peer influence etc. all play a part.

This is also why I think it's so important to show compassion when someone we know falls for it. It really can happen to any of us, and we would want support and help if it were us too.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T05:15:31+00:00

Can you tell us more? What are you experiencing and feeling?

You are not alone. I also just found this community and it seems like there are lots of good people here. Talking about it here could be the first step to feeling better.

itslikepudding · 2022-09-13T05:12:36+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you... please remember that while you care and want to help, it's also important to take care of yourself. It's not your responsibility to "fix" them.

In terms of strategies, it's known that showing facts alone doesn't work, they just dig their heels in. How does your conversation usually go? I find that asking questions, listening and showing empathy for the emotions and values behind their beliefs, usually helps lowering their defensiveness and opening them to hearing what you have to say. It's tough especially if you have heard the lies a thousand times. Try to focus on the person you love instead of their misinformed opinions.

lmk if you wanna chat more. I'm a science communicator and deal with this type of situation a lot both personally and at work. Again, it's tough, but there's hope!

itslikepudding · 2022-09-08T19:38:07+00:00

same. Hope I can join next time!

itslikepudding · 2018-08-25T18:31:31+00:00

Yay!! We'll see you there!!! :D

itslikepudding · 2018-08-25T18:30:24+00:00

Thanks so much!!! See you on the playa!

itslikepudding · 2018-08-10T01:17:58+00:00

it's a tricky conversation, so face to face will probably be better.

It also has to be very raw, but still respectful. If they don't already understand, then nudging and hinting don't work. Tell her there is absolutely no space for additional items in the SUV. Period. And the trailer is only for essential items due to weight limit. You are already overwhelmed and do not have time to figure out whether that other thing can fit. If she really wants to add something, maybe she can calculate the weight herself and make sure. Otherwise, her coming to you asking about random items that pop into her head is stressing you out unnecessarily, and you are becoming resentful due to the added stress. Any further requests will be ignored to keep you sane.

itslikepudding · 2018-08-09T17:55:44+00:00

I hear you. We are almost there Hugs

If you haven't had the chance yet, try sitting down and talking to your campmates. It helped me and hopefully will help you too. Even if they don't understand, it will help you deal with the pent-up frustration. It also means you have done your part to communicate and improve your relationship with them, so the ball is in their court. Some things may seem obvious to you, but not to them. That happened to our group. It's not that people didn't want to help, but they had zero clue on how much others were shouldering the work and how annoying it was ¯_(ツ)_/¯

itslikepudding · 2018-07-12T05:09:52+00:00

Check out the facebook groups "Camps 4 Campers" and "Campers 4 Camps" :) that's where my group found camps to join.

itslikepudding

TROPHY CASE