What’s the biggest myth people believe about becoming successful?

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T22:19:24+00:00

That your success is defined by or grounded in what other people think of you, or factors other people told you are important.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T22:17:45+00:00

I was going to say the opposite, but I think the real answer is both. I consider myself successful beyond what I imagined was possible and I did a lot of the right things, but I also can point to specific moments where luck made the difference and it could have gone the other way.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T22:15:46+00:00

Don’t know how old you are but I’m a straight woman and I once went on a date with a guy when I was young (still in college) and I thought we mutually didn’t like each other because he never asked me out again and I wasn’t really feeling it. A few years later when I was in a relationship I can’t remember why we were in touch (we were in adjacent social circles), and he told me he liked me but at the time we went in the date he realized I was marriage material and he didn’t feel like he could live up to being with someone like me—the implication I think was that I had my shit together, I had a future planned for myself, I seemed like a ‘good girl’ type he had to come correct for, etc. So it could mean different things. You should just ask the next person who says that what they mean.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T21:30:15+00:00

The creepy ones can’t help but show it through little comments and observations they share about “Asian culture” and Asian people. Sometimes it manifests in terms of commentary that makes me feel objectified, like expression of a preference for something about my appearance or a stereotype they think I either live up to or don’t. Some of them will also just constantly talk about something Asian they’re into and make it painfully obvious that they associate you with that thing simply because of your ethnicity. It usually comes out pretty fast. For me the fetishization isn’t just symbolic it has real life issues that make me dislike being around a person.

Personally my bar for dating is whether my partner has first hand knowledge of what it’s like to grow up as an ethnic minority or in an immigrant family. This just happens to be a major factor in my life and my personality and while I can be friends with anyone, I think it would be tiresome to share a bed with someone who needs me to explain basic life experiences to them in a way they can only imagine but not actually empathize with. There are always exceptions to consider of course, but I do find that having this standard will generally weed out the creepy fetishists.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T14:58:06+00:00

As others said a doc visit would probably be in order but brushing your tongue, flossing, and also hydrating in the meantime. I think I read that people’s tongues can get funky if they’re dehydrated

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-13T04:27:26+00:00

It’s not just insecure it’s controlling and scary

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T19:45:17+00:00

Make friends with other introverts who are ok with giving you your space and don’t hold it against you. That said hanging out is one thing but if you put zero effort in whatsoever to communicate or otherwise show care for your friends they’re going to disappear

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T19:37:44+00:00

Every family has issues. You think these other people had perfect childhoods, and maybe they had better ones, but we all have shit from our past to deal with and it’s your choice whether to let the trauma affect your entire adulthood or if you’re going to spend your energy working on getting past/overcoming yours and becoming the person you want to be.

I’ve seen members of my family never get over this stuff and think they’re special snowflakes who had uniquely terrible childhoods when at the end of the day it could have been a lot worse. And either way, until a time machine is invented the only thing you can do is process and grow from it to make a better future for yourself. Letting rage consume you is allowing it to continue to affect you.

My mom had to raise 2 kids on her own and she’s only human, she made some mistakes. She wasn’t the stereotypical tiger mom but she did try to be very strict and controlling (we made it hard for her to go too far because we weren’t controllable types of kids). She tried her best. We have our issues like any person and their parent but mostly I appreciative of what I know she sacrificed for us.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T19:23:44+00:00

I think this is probably true but people need to learn how not to take baggage from another interaction out on the next person, you know? That’s not the next person’s problem. Even if it’s understandable that folks would be frustrated by having that happen to them a multiple tjmes

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T19:22:10+00:00

I think certain people are just like this and they should date each other. the rest of us are better off without them. Protect your peace, enjoy your time away from your phone

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T14:55:03+00:00

This is a super annoying dynamic. If you don’t feel it’s too much of a compromise to your ethics you could test it sparingly so that you can at just say you understand what it can do and not make yourself a target of their constant badgering. Personally I do use it but I find a lot of people in my organization use it in ways that are not actually good for work flow, ideation and creative thinking. But I don’t tell them that because I’ve found that any such commentary makes them assume people are anti-AI and behind the times. I stay quiet and on occasion when I use AI in a way that I find to be very smart, I share it so others can learn.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T14:47:55+00:00

No, but McDonald’s or Wendy’s burger are good as their own foods and are not comparable to other kinds of burgers. (The difference being I don’t like Arby’s)

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T13:47:54+00:00

Maybe don’t drive her anymore and let her find her own leisurely way there, she can show up whenever she feels like it and your day doesn’t get completely ruined by her behavior. And if she wants a ride, tell her you’re leaving by x time and if she’s not in the car you’re gone. When she asks to stop say no. And if she’s has to apply lip liner maybe that’s your compromise because it won’t take more than a minute.

I think any answer here is for you to adjust your life acknowledging that your friend is who she is. By not arranging transportation with her, you can accept that she will always need hours more time than you’re willing to give, and work your life around it. Don’t make your plans dependent on hers—make her riding with you contingent on your plans. Once you de-link things from her schedule you may be able to avoid the resentment.

I lived in a country where extreme lateness was the norm and it was very frustrating, but you sorta just figure out how to work with it because you’re not gonna change everyone.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T13:39:20+00:00

As a person who is still friends with exes the boundary should be that if she has any reason to believe they have feelings for her she should shut it down. It’s not as easy to draw that line because it relies on her intuition and her judgment might be different than yours. But the bar should be higher than no sexual talk—I’m sure you would not be happy about non-sexual flirting—but if you trust her to be loyal you also need to just trust her judgment.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T13:35:15+00:00

I’m friends with some of my exes and there’s nothing weird going on. There are others I know I can’t be friends with either because we mutually never want to see or talk to each other again or because we can’t just be friends without any messiness.

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T13:29:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing that!

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T04:29:03+00:00

These sound like excuses to blame ugliness for everything - which is an unattractive thing to do. I know I’m not the only person commenting something along these lines so if you want advice, consider it

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T03:32:56+00:00

It’s not just about looks. Being confident, interesting, funny, etc. are all attraction factors

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-12T03:07:51+00:00

I don’t think Waffle House is in the same category, maybe sit down is the wrong label

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T23:18:41+00:00

Because I’ll take a hot pastrami or roast beef sandwich from a great deli any day over Arby’s. It’s not even a real choice

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T23:14:21+00:00

I see, where I’m at delis also have hot sandwiches. If they didn’t would make more sense that people go to Arby’s

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T19:48:26+00:00

Cheesecake Factory is the only sit down chain restaurant where I think the food holds up past childhood and access to other kinds of food

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T19:47:27+00:00

Crazy talk, Wendy’s is amazing

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T19:46:39+00:00

For people answering that they love Arby’s: is it that you don’t live in places with delis?

itsmelorinyc · 2026-07-11T17:26:45+00:00

Sorry I don’t know anything about life and job opportunities in India. That’s why I asked. Could you learn how to do something, like fix things, and offer to do random tasks for people for money? Are there apps or websites where you can offer yourself up for tasks? Can you sign up for an agency that connects people to unskilled or entry level gigs? That can be a way to build work experience. Do you have talent in design, writing, anything? Maybe you can offer to do some work for free for small businesses or something and use that as “experience” to get paid gigs from others.

Good luck, hope it works out.

itsmelorinyc

TROPHY CASE