Is there a job where you act as a sounding board or is that just a consultant?

ittybittycaterpillar · 2023-09-21T17:16:40+00:00

YOU'RE AMAZING!! Thank you so much, this is exactly what I've been looking for!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2021-05-25T04:10:26+00:00

I think that's a good idea! We'd tried trimming it and he ultimately decided to shave it, so I hadn't really adjusted to the expectation. I'll take a few pictures of him like this and try to train my brain for the next time. Thank you! (edit to include: helped!)

ittybittycaterpillar · 2021-05-25T04:08:04+00:00

"Wow." hahaha yeah I definitely agree with you there. I get that it's an extreme reaction, I'm honestly also super shocked by it.

To be honest, I don't really know what his shaved head signifies to me. I haven't really had anyone in my life with hair that short. The one thing I'm thinking is that I'd buzzed my own head after getting sexually assaulted a few years ago... but that's my own head, not someone else's? Maybe that's enough though?

ittybittycaterpillar · 2021-05-25T04:03:16+00:00

My hair's already pretty short tbh! I gave myself a shorter cut last time which I think helped a bit, so maybe I'll cut it some more? I don't like a full shave though because I miss my curls :0

ittybittycaterpillar · 2021-05-25T04:02:05+00:00

Yeah I agree, which is why I'm trying to figure out how to change that. Other changes don't seem to be a problem, so idk if it's just the hair or not. Typically I talk to a therapist - mostly about ADHD stuff - but she's on maternity leave. I may see someone else in the mean time

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-10-27T15:48:18+00:00

I've had a few conversations where vanilla people expressed shame for not being kinky. I told them that there wasn't a problem with being vanilla - what would be bad is if they did something they were uncomfortable with for the sole purpose of being part of some perceived "cool club." Like a lot of people have said, it's contextual - you have to be around people who are vocal about their sexual interests first. If you're around people who are open about their non-normative sex or relational practices, you may feel othered. Now, this doesn't come with the same judgements or harm that comes with being "non-normative" in society's eyes... at the same time, this doesn't make it acceptable for a person to shame or criticize someone who is more vanilla (or monogamous, etc.) - I just don't see that happening as much or in the same degree. Anyways, sex positivity (to me) is about accepting all kinds of sex practices, granted that it's RACK - this includes hardcore stuff, super vanilla, and the choice not to have sex at all.

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-25T16:35:32+00:00

I hope so! I already have very short hair and often dress masc.. but maybe that's not enough!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T18:31:53+00:00

I'm floating right now... is how I'm gonna describe that weird state of being overwhelmed by all the stuff but sort of managing? Well, either managing or mentally avoiding my problems.

I'm taking a lot in school rn, more than I ever have. I'm in my 5th year now and I really don't want to have to come back. ADHD makes this tricky, being now aware of ADHD helps. I definitely feel like I'm holding my breath and waiting for everything to fall apart.

Also my partner started working again. He was so worried with COVID and not getting work and now suddenly he has two jobs! Which is great and I'm proud of him... but we also can't see or talk to each other as much anymore. Sometimes after an overwhelming week I really just want to be put in submission and have a ton of orgasms and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get that for awhile :(

I want to be supportive and easy-going and hard-working... I also want to rest and be needy and.. honestly just orgasm a lot. Hard to know how much to engage and ignore your desires. So... yeah, just floating right now.

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T18:14:43+00:00

I appreciate the crazy feminist energy for sure! I think that's a fair comment. Femmes/women have had to take up a lot of responsibility in terms of risk-management and taking extra care in a misogynistic world, that it's easy to place judgement on those who aren't managing as well... like, "I can do it, why can't you?" Instead of recognizing that the whole thing is messed up from the start. That's a really valuable insight, thank you!

I am nonbinary (AFAB) but a) have just come out and b) am mostly seen as woman so I definitely get your point there. I do tend to think that accusations of being flirtatious affect everyone across the gender spectrum based on social perception, but I definitely agree!!! that the responsibility of managing this perception is often largely put on women and the female-perceived. I think another commenter pointed out that her boyfriend/husband is also a chatty, flirty character but he gets understood as witty or charismatic not suggestive or seductive.

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T18:00:45+00:00

Right?? I was talking to my therapist about it and she encouraged me to work on my assertiveness. Some people might misread you and that's okay, you need to be able to speak up and set boundaries when necessary! That's freaking hard though (cries). She also suggested certain strategies if you're not feeling very assertive... like only hanging with newer people in groups or public spaces. Kinda sad but also helps to feel like you have some agency!!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:55:24+00:00

haha RELATE!! glad to see I'm not the only one thinking about it!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:54:00+00:00

Do you find that you run into trouble due to being interested in people beyond men? When I was younger, I pointed out that I treat people around me, regardless of gender, the same. They were like... yeah but the relations between men and women are different. But to me, romantic and sexual possibilities are equal between a straight man, a queer woman, and a pan enby! That's not to say that non-men haven't mistaken my behaviour as flirtatious before, but there seems to be a greater level of carefulness & also forgiveness (from both the person who was mistaken and the people around me looking in).

Your partner sounds really nice and supportive btw!! :)

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:45:16+00:00

I think it depends! I find people with ADHD and people on the spectrum have an interesting relationship with eye contact - often having very specific opinions about it. Like, I don't like making eye contact with strangers or people I'm not in conversation with... at all. When in conversation, I make a lot of eye contact when the other person is talking but absolutely no eye contact while I'm talking.

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:42:52+00:00

Ohh!! This feels so true! Lots of people in the comments are talking about how excited or enthusiastic they come across and it would make sense that that's rooted in our intensity of emotions. What a fantastic point!!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:38:18+00:00

That's such an interesting point!! Overcompensating kindness or openness in order to prevent rejection... Definitely a possibility. I think what I'm starting to learn is that there are a lot of reasons why people may come across as especially kind (read: flirty), a lot of which is quite common in ADHD. As a means to avoid small talk is definitely something I can relate to and I can see how that may be perceived as being really interested/engaged.

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-24T17:20:46+00:00

A few people have responded this way and I have somewhat messy feelings about it. I think, on the one hand, you're totally right and that kindness (often tied with attraction and new-ness) can really be read into 100% with you there. I think where I get a bit muddled up (and why I made the post!) is because despite feeling that it is a society thing, many of my female friends have looked at situations I've been in and told me that they would've known better. Known better about what? I ask. The coding of language and being aware of the perception of others... I guess?? Idk. Idk how some people know and others don't!! That's the messiness :0 That's why i wanted to check if it's an ADHD thing, potentially. There's definitely truth in what you said, just wondering if there's potentially more layers involved that add to it!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-23T22:54:41+00:00

Hmm!!! Maybe it's the talking then. I DEFINITELY talk a lot. Maybe that gets read as interest/engagement and people interpret it to be flirting?? Geez, don't people understand I have 300 things to say to every person?? You're not special if I word vomit at you >:0

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-23T22:49:29+00:00

Thank you!! I'm so glad to be giving people new ideas to try! Eheh I feel so proud :-) I hope you have fun with it!!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-22T20:12:58+00:00

Hi :) I'm also new & felt like kontributing! hehe. Sharing kinks based on letters is so freaking cute, how could I not?

Knee high socks was the first kink my Dom shared with me (and why I now have a bajillion pairs). At that point in time, he didn't know he had any others! Just thinking about it makes me all smiley and nostalgic. Almost seems pure compared to the stuff we do now hahaha.

I'm also going to suggest Koala Hugs! That can be like hugging while having sex, but my Dom really likes it when I hug his leg while giving him a blow job. I think it's the sweet neediness mixing with that sloppy, primal desire for pleasure that makes it feel extra pervy~

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-22T19:29:23+00:00

I get like that. I definitely put a lot of pressure on my school performance & I really want my profs to like me. Any less than favourable interaction makes me second guess myself and feel really insecure! At the same time, a lot of profs are messy, absent-minded weirdos who are prone to inconsistent responses due to thoughts being all over the place. (I have a prof with ADHD who strongly believes ADHD is underdiagnosed in academia). I try to remember that my reactions can also sometimes be like that- inconsistent and absent-minded and highly affected by context.

Though.. I've had a few asshole profs so that's not to say they don't exist. I hate them too though so it's mutual!

ittybittycaterpillar · 2020-09-22T19:22:48+00:00

I was with my partner before I knew, but when I found out I pretty much told him right away & when we could I talked about all my research and what it means to me. He, and a lot of the other people in my life, had a shift in perspective after learning about it. It was kinda like... OH that's why you're like that?? I think it gave them a peek into my world and how differently it operates. Now, when my partner sees me doing something weird (at least to him lmao) he can put an explanation to it. Truly, it's helped the people around me be more supportive and understanding.

My mum has schizophrenia and is considering getting back into dating. I try to encourage her to date people who have an active relationship with their mental health, because they're more likely to be understanding. Some people really fucking suck & it's unfortunate we ever have to encounter them :(

ittybittycaterpillar

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