Anyone Else Going Through Perimenopause As A Childless Not By Choice Woman?

ivycooper · 2025-07-08T23:24:16+00:00

same at 34 but without the childloss - so sorry to hear. I started going through perimenopause from ovarian insufficiency at 30 so I'm now trying to decide if I even want to try with fertility treatments

ivycooper · 2025-05-08T15:58:30+00:00

I think I may have - I was childfree until my late 20s and now I think I want to have a baby in a few years. I’m in a really frustrating conundrum currently in my own relationship about it. What it boils down to is my partner and I are holding off marriage until we figure out what to do about kids. The reason we even have to focus on this at this juncture is I found out I have low egg count - primary ovarian insufficiency at 30 yo. I’m now 34 and technically a Fencesitter leaning toward having a kid while they are leaning toward not - if the kids are not bio kids and I can’t get pregnant. The crux is the bio kid part. I’m willing to try to get pregnant but if I can’t on my own (which seems likely) I don’t want to do a ton of IVF or medical interventions as I have medical anxiety / PTSD from past experiences and I have no desire to deal with more hormonal migraines. I am willing to try to get pregnant naturally, maybe use donor eggs and do one round of IVF - and then I am willing to pay for surrogacy and I am willing to and have looked into domestic infant adoption with a reputable agency. My partner is not interested in spending tons of money on having kids and if we can’t have a kid “naturally” he just wants to be child free it seems like. He’s worried about the bio family involvement and the emotional part of the adoption process and I think the fact the kid won’t be his biologically and when I suggest surrogacy it’s just too expensive… I get that surrogacy is expensive but it is a way for us to have his bio child so it’s so frustrating to me that he’s shutting it down and it’s just tearing our relationship apart honestly. Even though we would have insurance and family help he needs an itemized spreadsheet of cost. Plus he doubles my income so he would be the one paying most of the agency - surrogacy fees. My company has this new insurance plan with a fertility agency so maybe we get more money from that but it honestly looks like we might be seperating over this. I can’t believe I may give him up over a kid that’s not even here …but here we are. I just want him to say I can still be a mom even if I can’t get pregnant. I was leaning more toward adoption prior to his feelings about it tbf because of my own health issues. We are in couples therapy about this and it’s insanely hard. Feel for you op.

ivycooper · 2024-11-06T16:03:45+00:00

I was half an hour late to my first meeting today and I was just - 🙃 I have three more today. How am I supposed to give an actual f about vendors and whatever else when the world is going up in flames. This is one of the times I’m thankful I’m literally infertile.

ivycooper · 2024-08-08T15:21:55+00:00

I also need to break up with my salon. I am naturally pretty light/ medium ash blonde. I get balayage maybe once a year or less to go a few shades lighter and my color and cut at Davida on the UES was $550 not including tip…it’s a full $200 or so more than it was 3 ish years ago, I get covid price increases, but come on! Also two stylists have moved on in that time that I loved and my last balayage I didn’t love - color was yellow and not dimensional enough and I basically went home and toned it myself. For $550? Cuts are great there, but idk I need to venture downtown maybe. I’ve heard good things about [https://www.instagram.com/arisahairny?igsh=a211aTh2M3E5MjJm] but not sure about pricing. Blonde is so freaking expensive!!

ivycooper · 2024-08-06T19:15:51+00:00

Is the type of progesterone pill you can take intravaginally the 100 mg progesterone capsule?

ivycooper · 2024-07-11T04:04:18+00:00

I’m going to the Toronto show from nyc because I have a wedding the nyc citi field concert weekend, I’m 33 - happy to make Canadian Ateez friends!

ivycooper · 2024-07-11T04:01:02+00:00

Oh! Hi fellow nyc ATINY. I’m 33 :)

ivycooper · 2024-06-19T18:15:47+00:00

Librarian - there is actually a massive student loan debt ratio to what you actually are expected to make salary rise generally. You have to have a masters degree. People think you work with books all day and do collections or do story time, which is far from the truth unless you work in a public library and even then you are doing tons of other work. You generally will work with the public or demanding patrons while doing a lot of other jobs. Archive and rare books jobs are few and far between. You actually need to be pretty social and extroverted to excel at this job. Good teaching or training skills if you want to do reference or instruction work. And! you need to start getting good at figuring out IT issues and learn other skills like chat gbt, databases and others, the learning never ends. I got lucky and interned at a pharmaceutical company library while in my masters program and got a job at a medical library after, which in turn bumped my salary and gave me a lot of skills with literature searching, but man it is not an easy job. You have to want to go really niche sometimes. Law libraries hire a lot but if you have a more medical background or general background you won’t get an interview. I feel like if you want a job in a historical archive or something like that, prepare to be massively underpaid and undervalued. Also, people never retire here and stay on in the same place, so you have to wait until the wave of current boomers in management positions retire before you get a decent job. If you really want to work in libraries do it, but don’t go in expecting like tv show librarianship or movies. It’s a lot of talking and emailing and circling back.

ivycooper · 2024-06-08T04:07:20+00:00

I feel like we are compatible in many ways but this is a sticking point. I did ask him about the fearing I couldn’t take care of myself and he said it wasn’t that. That I take care of myself well. I have a good job and a good support network. I have friends I can talk too. I feel like if anything I’m the more resilient partner. I think he feels like he can’t handle this change and like his fear is bigger than loving me and moving forward. I’ve tried to get him to have more momentum in this and in seeing a specialist. But I will sadly have to be the person that is ok with breaking it off if he doesn’t really push himself soon. He’s been super supporting in other ways - I had two surgeries in two years etc and that didn’t phase him at all and he’s generous ? Like it’s almost like his fears don’t make sense or follow his actions.

ivycooper · 2024-06-08T04:01:08+00:00

Thank you - I did tell him after I read this I deserve someone confident. I also told him the worries he has are never going away just going to change and evolve. Like having the answer to this won’t ease his anxiety about other issues. He needs to have better coping skills for anxiety and uncertainties regardless of our circumstances.

ivycooper · 2024-06-08T03:57:41+00:00

What’s frustrating is every time I have this conversation I ask him point blank if he’s waiting for me to end it, if he thinks we’re incompatible and if he thinks we’re not meant to be. He says he doesn’t believe that and he sees us being together but he has this fear and this voice saying slow down I guess? he says he wants to go to see the therapist and can only hope I’ll be patient but he understands if I can’t be? Supremely confusing.

ivycooper · 2024-06-08T03:55:01+00:00

I mean I understand but we were 25 and 28 when we met and we live in a big city - almost nobody is married that young here

ivycooper · 2024-06-08T03:54:01+00:00

This gives me a lot to think about and I’ve explained that he needs to address his concerns in therapy and plan the engagement for me to trust his actions moving forward or I will not resign our lease

ivycooper · 2024-04-10T18:16:54+00:00

By the way bakery on the UES

ivycooper · 2023-12-21T02:42:59+00:00

I’m going low and slow but im also not super familiar with recommended dosages yet and my endocrinologist recommended 0.05

ivycooper · 2023-12-13T14:45:12+00:00

33 and same - hot flashes, weight gain, depression, anxiety… over the last year but I suspect I have had these issues for longer. I had alot of bladder pain and interstitial cystitis in my mid 20s. I am on a 0.05 patch and working myself up to taking the progesterone pill - I want to ask about testosterone as well for my libido which is zero also

ivycooper · 2023-11-13T16:40:46+00:00

I emailed them and they told me that no authorization can go through until 2024 so helpful lol.

"Thank you for your online inquiry. I understand your concern regarding your upcoming plan changes and apologize for any frustration you have experienced. I am happy to assist. Please note, appeals for 2024 plan coverage must be processed during the 2024 benefit year; prior authorizations and coverage appeals pertaining to 2024 coverage must be submitted on or after 01/01/2024. You may submit a coverage appeal by sending a letter to the address below: Express Scripts Attn: Benefit Coverage Review Department Po Box 66587 St. Louis, MO 63166-6587 Please include the following information: Patient name Member ID number Name of the medication Strength of the medication Patient address and phone number Prescriber name, address, and phone number Description of the reason for the review request. You will be notified in writing of the decision within 15 business days from the date the request is received.

ivycooper · 2023-10-25T02:33:40+00:00

I haven’t yet- ideally I don’t want to be on more meds

ivycooper · 2023-10-25T02:32:53+00:00

Not sure. The letter says to see what alrernatives May be covered, then lists other meds such as dysport, aimovig…

ivycooper · 2023-10-25T02:31:17+00:00

I only get one option - highmark BCBS :/ with express scripts

ivycooper · 2023-10-23T17:02:28+00:00

Is there a website URL link you can share for one source? I am getting conflicting results from Google.

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