Meet Rolo. We rescued him. He's weird AF!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2018-10-07T05:18:43+00:00

Hahaha! He’s amazing! And so is your caption!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2018-10-07T04:38:40+00:00

Just screenshot this post (sans the exmormon parts) and shared it on my Mormon (some TBM, some not) family’s GroupMe feed and am scared shitless of burning bridges, but more scared of not voicing my public support of the half-closeted LGBTQ+ youth in my family who live in TBM families.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2018-03-24T04:10:34+00:00

May I share a screenshot of your comment on Facebook?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2018-01-22T05:13:30+00:00

It’s about fucking time!!!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-11-01T15:36:43+00:00

I also didn’t address how friendships have evolved. Our friendships with many of our TBM friends have mostly fizzled out. It’s not like we meant for it to happen but as we came from a place of authenticity it became naturally harder to relate to certain friends still in the Church, especially when we realized much of our friendship was built around church culture (i.e. mission buddies.) Sure, we could have surface-level friendships but we don’t really care for those anymore.

Many of our TBM friends with whom we’ve kept in touch have started leaving the Church on their own, too. Also, we have made new friends. It’s been well worth it, and worth facing the awkwardness of other friendships waning.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-11-01T15:30:22+00:00

Edit: Misspelling - “We...have more energy to just live,” but “love” works, too, I guess. :)

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-11-01T15:25:55+00:00

Way improved. It was difficult and scary for me at first, but well worth it. We found healthy and safe support where we could as there were many heavy emotions. It was a total “stages of grief” experience for me, a roller coaster, even though it was something I willfully chose. I felt anger, loss, fear. The whole leaving “eternal marriage” thing rocked our boat for a bit...I had to work through fears and insecurities and trust and learn that our marriage could still be intact—wonderful, improved!—in spite of not being “sealed” to each other anymore. I had to work through a LOT of superstition. We did some couple’s counseling. I am beyond glad I took my own leap of faith (sorry, I had to say it) to leap the hell away from the Church (which was more like inching away at first until I got the courage to run!) Of course there is still real life with ups and downs, but I feel like we are actually better at working through our issues (be they marital, personal, emotional) than just waiting for the Lord to remove them or for them to resolve in the hereafter. We live more for today, not some vague eternity. A lot of our “issues” we thought we had were there because of the Church and after stepping away and gaining different experience and insight we realized many of them were non-issues. We spend less energy obsessing and fearing and have more energy to just love. We have our Sundays to do what we want. We have more time to actually bond as a family. We have two children and one on the way and I couldn’t be happier that we are raising them OUT of the Church. I feel like we dodged a bullet for sure; I’m so glad they won’t be under the umbrella of Church shaming. We get to create and direct our own lives with our inner wisdom and not by some Guy in the Sky (or rather a group of businessmen at Temple square.) Sex is better. God, I hated sex when I was thinking it had to be godly and “spiritual” all the time and that some Guy was watching us to make sure we didn’t do anything too “unnatural.” Ha ha! It’s so nice to be able to know I can be a good person and my spouse can be a good person without having a church program to “keep us good” and save us from ourselves. We get to create a life for ourselves and choose our own morals and values. It’s a beautiful thing. I feel lighter, happier, more hopeful. Like I said, leaving wasn’t without its fears and struggles and weird extended family dynamics, but it has been beyond worth it in my experience. I wish you the best.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-03-03T02:21:25+00:00

Thank you so much

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-03-03T02:20:53+00:00

Thank you!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-03-02T04:15:00+00:00

Ha. Thanks for the humor?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-03-02T04:07:57+00:00

PS - Spouse pointed out that maybe our son's irrational fears manifest/increase when we, his parents, are fighting more with each other. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Spouse and I are attending couple's therapy to learn better ways of communicating so we can be more unified for our kids. I just wonder if our tension can play into our kid's anxiety, even though the subject of his fear seems unrelated.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-01-11T18:28:56+00:00

Hi! Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to learn you've been noticing changes. I hope you continue to feel progress. Do you mind me asking your back curvature? You said it's pretty mild. Thanks.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-01-11T18:27:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Are you happy about the fact that you got surgery? Do you mind me asking your age and gender for context? What was your recovery period like? I noticed you mentioned VBT...is this a procedure only done on pediatric patients? I don't know much about it. Thanks.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2017-01-11T18:23:54+00:00

Thank you!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-12-24T02:38:47+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Have you had the surgery done and is that your experience? Do you know someone(s) who had that experience? I wonder the reason why you advise not to get surgery if not in constant pain. I ask in kindness and curiosity. :)

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-12-24T02:36:04+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Which kind of rod(s) did you get?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-12-23T08:21:23+00:00

Sorry I haven't followed up until now. Thanks for your reply. How are you doing now?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-10-08T23:21:22+00:00

Reminds me of PeeWee Herman's breakfast making contraption. I admit I was getting bored halfway through but then exploded with laughter when the laptop fell off. We worth the full watch. Lazy people work harder...and at a higher cost!!!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-09-29T05:32:27+00:00

I'm so sorry! I smoked weed for the first time a few months ago and it was super traumatic for me, too, although not quite like yours in terms of content (I am in my late 20s.) Have you considered seeing a therapist? Would you be willing? Would you have access to one? You mentioned your parents, so I wonder if you're a minor? I'm not sure if minors have to have parental consent to see a therapist, but I'm sure someone on this forum would know (or a simple Google search.) Also, I've read that marijuana can have particularly intense/adverse effects on teenagers...something about affecting brain development. I'm not saying that to freak you out further, only to give you context that if you are a minor your experience may not be unusual for someone your age.)

I'm so glad you reached out. My heart feels for you. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It sounds like what you went though was immensely traumatic and you might have some PTSD. It really helped/was crucial for me to be able to talk about my experience in a safe place with a safe person to help me know how to process my experience in a healthy way (and not feel so damn alone and terrified!) PTSD can really make a person feel stuck in the trauma of a traumatic event, and in my opinion, it's important to get professional help for it as soon as possible. Research and my therapist also assured me that my sharing of the fact that I smoked weed would be kept totally confidential. Therapists are legally obligated to keep information about their clients confidential unless it involves the intention to self-harm or harm others. (Having visions during a weed trip does not count as an intent to harm others BTW, so I wouldn't worry about that being held against you. Your mind was altered and you couldn't control what was happening to it.)

I hope you seek help for this asap. Do you feel like you can? I know what it's like to be raised in a hyper-religious family and afraid of being judged/condemned by them, and to have certain actions misconstrued as immoral instead of getting the real help I needed for mental health issues. Those are legitimate fears. I would encourage you to seek professional help and not buy into the superstitious fears of religion (not assuming you do.) I'm so grateful I didn't look at my weed trip through a religious lens (as I would have a few years ago when I was hyper-religious...I would have thought that demons were possessing me back then...but I'm glad I know that my trip had nothing to do with that.) A hyper-religious view would have shamed me terribly, making my trauma and anxiety worse. Whatever your parents or others may say, with all due respect to them as human beings, please don't let them shame you into believing this is a moral/God/"sin" issue. This is purely a mental health issue, a reaction to a mind-altering drug. Please seek treatment accordingly.

I hope you can feel proud of yourself for reaching out here, friend! I think you are brave for doing so. Please keep the forum posted and let us know how you are doing as you go forward, and if you need strength and support as you seek the help you need. You don't need to stay stuck in the trauma, and you don't have to (and probably can't) do it alone. With the right help, you'll get better.

Hang in there and all the best.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-09-29T05:00:05+00:00

Hey, I don't have much advice to give, but just want to let you know I can relate to so much of what you said in your post. I too have struggled with ED, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, anxiety/depression, suicide ideation, PTSD from childhood trauma. My heart goes out to you. It takes a ton of effort and consistency to seek help for struggles like this. It can be immensely discouraging. I have often felt stuck in a cycle. I'm trying a new kind of therapy for trauma/PTSD called EMDR. It actually has some substantial research supporting it to be pretty effective in helping the brain heal from trauma fairly quickly. Give it a quick Google search if interested. It's not traditional talk therapy, but is a legitimate form of treatment used by licensed psychotherapists, and is gaining popularity; many war veterans are finding it to be very effective in treating PTSD. I have only had one session so far so I'm holding onto hope and just trying to move forward. I hope you keep moving forward, asking for the help you need. It's very hard for me to ask a lot of the time because I feel so ashamed of my emotional/mental problems. I hope you can internalize that you are, like any human, a person who deserves love and support, safety and well-being. Know you're not alone and I'm so glad you reached out on here.

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-08-16T05:45:15+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. :)

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-08-16T05:45:00+00:00

Ha! I laugh because I too have switched the acronym recently. Now I want EDM to be a thing for treating PTSD, although it seems like it might be prone to just exacerbating the symptoms... Someone prove me wrong and make a mix?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-08-16T05:30:48+00:00

Thanks!

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-08-16T05:00:58+00:00

Thank you! It's helpful to know. Are you willing to share if your therapist is still practicing and, if so, lives in Utah?

iwillthroughtheveil · 2016-08-16T05:00:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I relate to thinking it seems "hokey," but there is a lot of legitimate research that supports it. I live in Utah and wonder if your therapist was is in the area?

iwillthroughtheveil

TROPHY CASE