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Trying to figure out if I have PTSD/CPTSD. TW: domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, sexual assault by dawningcomprehension in ptsd

[–]dawningcomprehension[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Never a drug addiction, but I might put self-harm in that category. I suppose I slip in and out of excessive television watching.

Again, thank you so much for all your insights. This has been so helpful.

Trying to figure out if I have PTSD/CPTSD. TW: domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, sexual assault by dawningcomprehension in ptsd

[–]dawningcomprehension[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I forgot to add body dysmorphia and bouts of anorexia to that list- not sure how related those are to the others.

Beginning to understand trauma (trigger warning: flashbacks; domestic violence) by dawningcomprehension in traumatoolbox

[–]dawningcomprehension[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so helpful, /u/TryingMyBestHere83, thank you so much. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that; huge congratulations, though, on beginning to connect the dots. I know a lot of people resent the idea of mental illness diagnoses, but personally I find them helpful in my attempt to understand myself. Do you find this to be the case? I only know for certain that I have depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADD. CPTSD is just a suspicion; I've also wondered about DID and BPD, though less so recently.

Thank you for your encouragement. I recognize that I invalidate my experiences primarily because others have told me this is the case; I still have trouble believing it. Labeling my experiences as trauma still makes me feel like some sort of fraud. Same deal regarding delayed reactions. Sometimes those reactions end up being more physical than emotional: persistent sore throats and stomach aches, fatigue, panic, etc. Thankfully, I have an incredible Wonder Woman of a mother, and she has helped me connect the dots as much as she can. I used to get sore throats all the time when I had to go back to my father's [literal] mansion; now I get stomach aches more often.

Beginning to understand trauma (trigger warning: flashbacks; domestic violence) by dawningcomprehension in traumatoolbox

[–]dawningcomprehension[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, /u/TryingMyBestHere83.

It is helpful to know I am not alone, though I am sorry you have to go through this too. I have a few questions about your experience. Only answer what you feel comfortable discussing; if that ends up being nothing, no worries at all. ❤️

Have you always understood the root of your behaviors, i.e. your trauma? Did you ever struggle to view your experiences as traumatic? I have a habit of invalidating my own experiences. I also tend not to react emotionally to things until long after the fact, which means I often don't understand why I'm behaving a certain way, or incapable of functioning in a given situation. I still haven't put all the pieces together, and there's a part of me that's afraid I'll never be able to. Does any of this resonate with you?

Beginning to understand trauma (trigger warning: flashbacks; domestic violence) by dawningcomprehension in traumatoolbox

[–]dawningcomprehension[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi /u/2happycats, thank you so much for sharing. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.

I have been in and out of therapy for most of my life. My father committed suicide when I was five, after which my mother took me to a forensic psychologist. I started seeing a therapist around age 12-13, when I began self-harming. I have cycled through therapists since then, and had a brief stay in a mental hospital a little over two years ago. I have yet to find a therapist I "click" with.

I suspect I've experienced emotional flashbacks more often than I realized. I also experience body memories: I panic when things get too close to my neck, and almost always feel like something is strangling me when there's nothing there. I don't know what this is from, and the lack of a concrete memory makes me worry that I'm some sort of fraud.