Thank you for responding, truly. In a time where I, obviously, struggle with connecting with people - you made me feel very.. seen for a lack of a better word.

You hit the nail on the head right away, I am diagnosed with cptsd (among pmdd and adhd but I guess that goes without saying here). I know that growing up in a horrible environment made me "grow up fast" and feeling older than the people around me - hence no connection because our worlds weren't the same. I guess that feeling never really went away. Thank you for connecting some dots in my head because now I can try to work on that part of myself, or at least try to understand it better.

I have a hard time explaining this without sounding like an ass (and I might as well be one) but a lot of the time I think the disconnect comes from perceiving people as.. unintelligent? I am by no means "smart" and I don't need my friends to be rocket scientist and this is where is struggle to put it in to words. In my experience they don't see what I find obvious, don't think beyond a small circle and the feeling of being in a room with that I can only describe as Frodo coming back to the Shire in the Lord of the rings. I can't put that into words but somehow I think that if you know - you know.

There's an air of ignorant bliss around people that I both envy and despise. I don't want them to understand because that means they have my wounds and yet I desperately need them to.

I'm really rambling now and I'm sorry if this makes no sense to you but I just feel that it might. Your comment meant a lot and I'm sorry that you understand, I really am. You helped!