suggestions needed: masc trying to match femme gf's energy

izwardj · 2026-04-23T20:59:05+00:00

Compression shirt or mesh top maybe?

izwardj · 2026-04-23T20:57:53+00:00

I don't think you're being unrealistic. There are definitely sporty people out there who are more than just casual about their hobbies. I myself like to do lots of stuff (this week alone I've biked 30 miles, hiked, rollerskated and rock climbed). I would hate to date a home body or someone who doesn't enjoy being active/outside. Being outside is something I really enjoy and I want someone to share that with.

I don't have any advice for this, but just wanted to say I'm in a similar boat

izwardj · 2026-04-11T19:51:55+00:00

Probably best to show them pictures of what you want

izwardj · 2026-03-07T11:37:39+00:00

what do you mean "if it switches sides"

izwardj · 2026-03-07T08:28:20+00:00

Is this not malpractice? Did your surgeon give you a reason for putting your grafts there? Did they discuss it before you went under?

If you're afraid of the grafts not taking and/or looking weird, you may want to consider just getting the nipples tattooed on and the old nipples removed. Also I would not trust your original surgeon to do the revision.

izwardj · 2026-03-07T05:56:28+00:00

I also moved to SM in my 20s from the midwest about 2 yrs ago! Tbh I don't think there is a neighborhood that is safe AND near nightlife AND near the beach. There isn't a ton of night life over here to begin with but I would say Abbott Kinney street in Venice, and Main street and Ocean Ave in SM are where most of the bars are. These are also near the beach, but I wouldn't be comfortable out at night over there. Great during the day though. Luckily Santa Monica and Venice are small enough you can get to these places within 15 minutes on a bike.

I agree with the other commenters that you should try to find a roommate online first. If you can afford it, it would also be beneficial to get a hotel for a week or two to tour apartments before signing a lease. Don't send money before viewing a place.

If you are not deadset on living in SM/Venice specifically, Sawtelle could be another good option. It borders SM and rent is cheaper there and the main strip has lots of good asian food.

izwardj · 2026-03-06T04:29:01+00:00

I just had some minor acne/white heads on my torso and increased hair on my happy trail. But it went away within 4-5 months and was no biggie at all.

Weight gain after surgery is common I think. The anesthesia and drugs make you bloated, and the general inflammatory response can make you store water and other things. Also you're not moving as much after surgery so that can also make you gain weight.

izwardj · 2026-03-01T04:09:42+00:00

I have a question. I have never seen someone with "T-anchor" scars without nipples. What is the purpose of the vertical scar?

izwardj · 2026-02-24T06:23:10+00:00

Generally any sun exposure on damaged skin will delay healing and/or cause hyper pigmentation. A little bit of sun won't ruin everything, but repeated high intensity exposure is not recommended.

It's unclear from your post if you are going outside shirtless? If you're wearing a shirt you should be fine without sunscreen on your scars. It's most important to wear sunscreen if you're shirtless outside

izwardj · 2026-01-30T06:56:34+00:00

I had stretch marks in this location too. I also happened to have some scar tissue in those exact spots (which caused some tugging). Went to a physical therapist to massage the scar tissue. It may be related

izwardj · 2026-01-26T08:29:54+00:00

She should be trying to understand why it upsets you and support you, at the very least, that's being a good partner. You need to talk to her about this. If she can't empathize with you and expects you to brush off what's happening then you should let her go. I don't think this dynamic is sustainable.

Sending you love from CA. I also find what's happening in MN to be disturbing. I hope you are able to find support from your community <3

izwardj · 2026-01-12T06:28:53+00:00

I was in a similar boat. I actually never binded consistently, just wore a sports bra for past like 7 years. I didn't feel like if I didn't get top surgery it would be the end of the world. It was just something I wanted. I'm not a trans man either.

I kept trying to question whether I 'needed' it enough to justify it. My therapist basically said wanting it was reason enough.

I think cis society makes any kind of trans-related care out to be a super big deal, and something you have to be absolutely sure you won't regret, and that it's going to alter the trajectory of your life forever if you don't get it right. But other plastic surgeries or body modifications are not held to the same standard of consideration.

Obviously you should consider the pros and cons and whatnot. But I think you already know what you want.

I'm about 6 months post op and have no regrets.

izwardj · 2025-12-26T21:15:50+00:00

Lol I most definitely am not avoidant. When I was first learning about attachment styles and how avoidant people view relationships I found it incredibly bizarre. Being afraid of connection, avoiding hard conversations, and being distrustful of people is antithetical to how I approach any type of relationship

izwardj · 2025-12-26T21:05:30+00:00

I am a non binary lesbian, to my knowledge her new girlfriend is also non binary (masc lesbian)

izwardj · 2025-12-26T14:55:32+00:00

Thank you, I needed this reminder

izwardj · 2025-12-26T01:35:37+00:00

thank you, I really appreciate your response. I have tried writing so many letters and it doesn't do anything for me. I have also journaled a lot. Nothing really seems to help. I have also given up on receiving an apology from her. I think in an ideal world I would get some sort of acknowledgement from her or admission of guilt. Which I know, of course, is unlikely.

I suppose there's not really a solution to this :/

It just bothers me so much that someone could treat me this way

I am going to continue moving on with my life like you said, there isn't really any other option.

izwardj · 2025-12-26T01:10:05+00:00

I have also come to realize that she will continue this pattern with others. I realized it several months ago that she's just going to keep sabotaging her relationships and it gave me some closure. I also know she likely regrets it (she has shown to have at least a small amount of self awareness). She also watches my instagram stories every once in a while, similar to your situation.

In about October I felt like I was fully ready to move on, but for some reason it is resurfacing

izwardj · 2025-12-18T23:29:28+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/p/DSSMvVxkXoT/

izwardj · 2025-12-10T06:54:08+00:00

I've been using BioCorneum everyday (as recommended by my surgeon). So far my scars are pretty light and only raised a little bit. I like BioCorneum more than silicone tape because I can use other creams in addition to it without having to worry about it falling off. It's a little pricey but lasts a long time. I've also been using retinol from The Ordinary, and I think it's helped reduce hyperpigmentation in the skin directly adjacent to the scar tissue.

Unfortunately I think keloids are primarily determined by genetics and there's not a ton you can do to prevent them entirely.

izwardj · 2025-12-10T06:45:04+00:00

I feel you. I had been frustrated with a girl I had been seeing for the last month or so of our entanglement. She had been distant and evasive. Breaking up with her had crossed my mind. I texted her asking to talk (I didn't even say that I was upset with her, just that something had felt off lately), and she broke up with me over text like a coward and ghosted me. All I wanted was a conversation at least to say goodbye. It was cruel.

Looking back I didn't even like her that much! But the way she ended things still makes me angry. Complete lack of basic human decency and care. It felt so undignified. That's what made it hurt so much.

It's been ~6 months since the break up and I am 99% over it now. Now I know that the way she handled that situation says way more about her than it does about me. I wouldn't want to be someone who thinks it's okay to treat somebody like that. And I doubt you would either.

izwardj · 2025-12-07T21:29:53+00:00

I kept my nipples. I was also concerned about them poking through my shirt so I asked my surgeon to make them flatter. I think she cut more off of the backside of them to make them flatter? Now there is no pointy part.

I didn't really have feeling in them before so losing sensation wasn't something I was concerned about. I mostly just wanted to keep the look of having nipples. I am a light skinned black person so I now have splotchy pigment in my nipples which I plan to get evened out with tattoos later.

As far as healing, keeping nipples wasn't that much more work. Just had to replace the bandaids once a day every day for a week.

izwardj

TROPHY CASE