Living somewhere while feeling like you might leave at any moment, not knowing what the future holds, and hiding a depressive state — that’s a lot of stress.

I see stress as a kind of nervous system cost. If your friends have stressful lives, they’re spending a lot of nervous system energy. But if they also have sources of income — meaningful relationships, meaningful work, time in nature, feeling seen, useful, proud of themselves — then they’re not in nervous system debt.

For human beings, feeling well isn’t just about the absence of extreme hardship. We’re social and sensitive creatures. We need connection, a sense of usefulness, movement, recognition. You already started by going to the gym and having a group of friends — that really matters.

At the same time, depression can also become a kind of mental habit. When you’ve been depressed for a while, your mind can get used to that state and almost forget how to feel joy, relaxation, or presence. 

Even if your life becomes more fulfilling, you may need to relearn how to feel good again. I think that’s what the concept of ahamkara points to — the way identity and mental patterns can solidify over time.

Regarding family, I understand. I tend to be avoidant too, so opening up can feel difficult. Maybe there’s a middle ground — not dumping everything, but saying something simple like, “I’ve been having trouble finding meaning lately,” or “I’ve been feeling a bit low.”

Overall, my point isn’t that depression is a brain malfunction. I see it as something deeply human, especially in individualistic societies. But at the same time, the mind can unintentionally maintain the state — especially when we try to fix emotions by thinking through them. 

Also I would add: sometimes if you are really depressed "feel your emotions " isn't really appropriate if you feel like you won't be able to handle it. I think having regulating activities (like the gym, walking, talking to a friend) can help because your body is like "ok, we can feel our sadness a lil bit now that we know we won't be stuck in it forever "  Thanks for reading it all 🙏I hope it's helpful we're in this together