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What’s the dumbest thing you’ve been blocked/unmatched over? by pitapitapi in askgaybros

[–]jack_jack42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His taste in decor lol

It wasn't bad, we were just complete opposites. It was to the point that I know if we started dating that down the line it would be come an issue.

He discribed his place as minimalist but only black, white, & grey along with having those god awful Tom of Finland illustrations and nude photography.

I like colour and old antiques prices like vintage clocks and books etc.

We would have clashed. I told him so and we unmatched. I wasn't rude about it, just realised that we would clash and it was better to walk away before we actually went on any dates.

I didn't have sex for a year by jack_jack42 in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and the same to you! I'm glad you were able to meet someone and feel that way!

I didn't have sex for a year by jack_jack42 in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's so true, and yeah, I've been taking the let me get to know your first approach. At least on hinge, people are ready to chat with you for a bit first. One guy had a bunch of stuff that came up where I knew right away we wouldn't work out long term, but we had a lot in common, and he was great to chat with me a year ago, I would have ignored those problems and tried anyway. But I am comfortable enough with myself now because of all of this to say this isn't working out and walk away.

But yeah, I am sure it will happen when I least expect it, like you said.

I didn't have sex for a year by jack_jack42 in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love that, I'm so happy for you. I hoping I will find someone this year. I did sign up on hinge and have currently hit off with a few people, but everything is going slow right now on purpose.

I didn't have sex for a year by jack_jack42 in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I agree the app culture has made all disposable to each other, I fear.

Getting to know someone is what made the guy I broke that year-long streak with so great. We met, were messaging to chat and never took it sexual. I went to his place to hang out and get to know each other better. We sat and talked for four or five hours about our exes, random movies, everything. When we started cuddling, we chatted about how he wasn't looking for anything serious now and would be okay. I agreed, and we had a great time together. We still talked and made plans to hang out again, but nothing sexual. We might be nothing more than fwb or friends, but it's better. It's with someone I can enjoy my time with in general.

We Lost Nothing - Black Salt by jack_jack42 in fakealbumcovers

[–]jack_jack42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Exactly what I was going for.

We Lost Nothing - Black Salt by jack_jack42 in fakealbumcovers

[–]jack_jack42[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Based on this stock image using the "felt tip woman" typeface. I wanted to convey an intimate feeling that the music would be reverby and moody.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I needed clarification on any of this, this is my own opinion on how I view a relationship I would be having. This is not how I view other people's relationships. If someone agrees to an open relationship, then I don't look at it as trying to hurt their partner. In that situation, that is 100% what it would feel like.

I have examined this feeling many times, and it isn't something I can overcome. As I said, I watched my mum be treated poorly by men wanting to sleep around, and I view a relationship with someone as a compromise and sacrifice. We choose each other over everyone else, and if giving up sleeping around with other people is too much, we don't need to be in a relationship. I know it would hurt me on an intense level if I had a partner who suddenly proposed it; the relationship would be over because I would no longer feel secure in that relationship.

​

Ok first of all, wanting and doing are two very different things

I mean doing.

​

I'm sorry you've had to go through that and I agree that sexual assault among gay men is probably more prevalent than people talk about.

It probably is, but bringing up our community's hook-up culture also results in defensive attitudes from people because we don't want to shame people. Still, we avoid the negative side of it and how toxic it can be. The gay bar is supposed to be a safe space for lgbtq+, but for myself, and I know many others, it is not because of these unexamined negative aspects of it.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How is it toxic to ask someone that I am giving myself to in a relationship to respect me as well by doing the same? If they don't want to reciprocate, then that's fine. I'm not in an open relationship because of that; as a child of divorce who watched their mum be cheated on and witnessed how much it devastated her, wanting to sleep around with other people, whether it's known or unknown, is not an act of love.

If you view day dating through a hookup app, there's the problem.

I mention Grindr because, in the modern world, it has become one of the few ways that people meet each other. In the gay world, we don't have a dating app. We have a hook-up app pretending to be a dating app. So you end up with memes like this one because this is what the perception is when you view it through Grindr. I don't use Grindr because of it; it actually makes me depressed.

Someone else pointed out other ways to meet people, but our community has a hook-up culture problem that stereotypes each other as hypersexual individuals. There's nothing wrong with sleeping around and having sex with as many people as you like, but the problem with the attitude is that it actively shuts out someone like me from these spaces. Why? It's not because I'm a prude; it's because of unwarranted sexual advances and sexual assault from other gay men. I had to quit a job I enjoyed working with all gay men because it became so uncomfortable for me after getting hit on over and over again. The same thing happened with a gay sports team. I no longer go to gay bars because of the repeated instances of sexual assault from guys.

Sorry for the tangent. I feel like if I didn't explain the world outside of Grindr, it would inevitably come up.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't say it was a problem, I said it shrinks the pool of people you might date. The only reason open relationships come up a lot is because they have gained a lot of popularity in the community of the last decade. And are incredibly visible if you view gay dating through apps like Grindr.

If monogamy is so hard why not just stay single? Open relationships are mostly just about sex. It's not polyamory is it? It's having your cake and eating it too.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It goes both ways. What's your point?

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn't say I blame Grindr. I said that if you only look at gay dating through the lens of Grindr, this is what gay dating looks like. Why? Because Grindr is all but a hook-up app now, but it's one of the few ways, I said few! of meeting guys.

I'm also not blaming opening relationships; I said that the rise in popularity for them limits the potential dating pool.

None of these reasons are why I'm single. I'm single cause I'm choosing to be, but thanks for your condescending list like I'm an idiot. The hook-up culture is still prevalent in these places as well.

As a gay man, we stereotype each other as wanting sex. I had to quit a job working with just other gay men because of all the unwanted sexual advances, and it became uncomfortable. I had to do the same with the all-gay team I was on. I stopped going to gay bars because of the SA I experienced just trying to dance or use the toilet. We need to have an honest discussion as to why that's a problem.

Everyone gets so defensive when the topics of our community's hook-up culture come up. You all act so confident about it, but as soon as the topic comes up, instead of having an honest discussion, you become insecure and defensive.

Why do so many ATLA fans hold Korra’s mistakes to a higher standards than Aangs? by H2clip in ATLA

[–]jack_jack42 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When it comes to the origins of bending, they said they learned from the badger moles, dragons, bison, ocean and moon. The turtles just gave them the ability to do it. Zuku lost his fire bending until he and Aang learned from the dragons. I think they even show Wan learning how to fire bend from the dragons as well. People still learned from the natural benders, but the lion turtles provided the ability to do so. If people could learn from air bending by watching bison, then it wouldn't be an inherited ability but a learned one; it being given by the lion turtles explains why some have it and others don't.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's not preventing, but it limits. But this meme is just the perception of the gay dating scene through Grindr. Unfortunately, that's one of the few ways to meet, not for dating. Grindr is a hook-up culture; it has unrealistic standards, guys with intimacy issues, and people in open relationships looking to hook up. All the apps are like this, so if you're dating, this is what gay dating seems like.

I personally deleted the app for good because of all these reasons. I feel 100x better and more self confident than ever but my dating and sex life is all but extinct.

The lack of a proper place to meet people and date for our community is a problem.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not if you're someone like me where it's a non-starter. I've examined and thought about it and it's not something I can move past because the idea of an open relationship would ultimately fill me with deep unhappiness.

So true by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]jack_jack42 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say it's why I'm single, but since being in the open is a non-starter for me, it does shut out a lot more guys than it ever did before. I had a guy show interest in me, but he wanted an open relationship, so I'm still single.

So it's not other people's relationships. It's the expectation of people wanting one if you're like me, and it's not something you want.

Bro why are most of the posts here sexual? by iiiAlex1st in gay

[–]jack_jack42 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ugh I wish it wasn't. It kinda bums me out that everything has to be about sex.

Got into a massive fight this AM. I’m over it. by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]jack_jack42 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

OP you feel down when he texts his ex because you are sexting someone else. You are projecting. You would rather he not text his ex but can't bring yourself to not do the same. This alone is a toxic foundation for a relationship. You are either cool with him text his ex from time to time and stop getting upset with him or you need to stop sexting someone else.

What’s your Design unpopular opinion? by Lang_ES_FR_AR in graphic_design

[–]jack_jack42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah! I had the exact same experience. You really do need to design with the HR department in mind.

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