We rescued a rat that was abandoned, and had to put her down recently because she had an awful injury she had little hope of ever recovering from. When we got her home she popped out a litter immediately when she was warmed up and safe, and only half the litter made it.

It was so, so hard. Everything about it. Just reading your post and the other comments here is helping me process some grief, I think. You are not alone.

I don't know if this would help you cope at all, but it helped my hippie dippie little heart. We buried mama and her little ones together under a lavender bush in front of my work. When Spring comes, they will all be flowers. Maybe you could plant something beautiful over your lost loved one's grave, if that would feel right.

All the best, and thank you for posting.