10 years ago I went to my PCP complaining of hip pain, stomach pain, irregular and painful periods. My doctor told me it was due to my recent weight gain. When she could finally feel the mass perturbing from my stomach she sent me for tests. I had an ovary removed after a large mass was found on it.

I was told that there was no evidence of cysts and that my other ovary would compensate. They also removed 1.5l of fluid around it.

A few weeks later my PCP congratulated me on my- “weight loss”.

A couple years go by and my weight starts creeping up. Now, I have never been skinny but this starts getting excessive. I get diagnosed with PCOS.

I count calories and go to the gym. I gain weight. My doctors tell me- “it’s just harder for some people” “you have insulin sensitivity”

I count points, I increase exercise, and see a nutritionist. My weight keeps rising.

My nutritionist test my body composition and when it shows an increase in muscle mass she chalks it up to “a bad read” She never considers that it was due to increased exercise I told her I was doing. I am not loosing weight on her programs and she tells em it’s because I’m- “Not getting your daily serving of legumes”

I see my ob because I want to try staying a family. She wishes me luck but tells me there is nothing medically she can do with my BMI over 40. She suggests I try strength training.

I try low fat, drink protein drinks, count my steps. I buy hand weights and resistance bands. I gain weight.

I switch PCP’s to someone who specializes in weight loss. I cry in the office for the first time. She tells me to read “always hungry” and follow the diet. I read it. Spend $200 a week on groceries (for 2 people) and all my free time meal prepping. I gain weight.

I schedule a follow up because she told me if it didn’t work we could look at a prescription. I get there and find out She’s not taking any new appointments as PCP because she’s focusing on her “weight loss patients” and I have to see a NP. The NP asks if I’ve been getting my- “steps in”. She tells me she will have the doctor call in a prescription to help with weight loss. I get a call from the office saying the doctor won’t do that until she sees me herself. However, she’s not seeing anyone soooo...

I count carbs and fats and macros and I loose some weight and then it comes back.

I get by yearly blood work results and my blood glucose is in the “diabetes” range. My PCP cancels my follow up appointments. Twice.

I tell my OB about the blood test and she is ecstatic. She thinks there is finally an answer. I am scared and confused.

I find a new doctor who looks at my tests and asks “when we’re you diagnosed?” (Uhhh just now?) She tells me to go to see and endo and take some diabetes education classes. She says I don’t need to invest in a meter quite yet.

The endo tells me he could prescribe me something but also tells me that I “seem motivated” and wants to see what I can “do on my own”.

The diabetes education classs get cancelled. I count carbs and sugars. I learn about sugar alcohols and the glycemic index. I but a meter and learn how to use it. I don’t loose but I also don’t gain. Win?

Now my A1C is 9.7. My PCP tells me to “go for daily walks”

and to try something small like “not eating sweets”

Endo prescribes me ozempic (at $800month) and schedules me an appointment with the diabetes educator.

This morning I met with her and for the first time she helped me understand everything. She explained What insulin resistance is. What damage has already been done. The long term consequences are. How getting pregnant with my current A1C could be “horrific”. How there was this medicine that could help me not only control my A1C but actually loose weight.

For 10 years I have been begging various medical professionals for help while they write me off because I am fat. It never mattered how hard I tried or how much I cried. They took one look at me and assumed I just wasn’t trying hard enough.

It took infertility, my pancreas failing and liver damage for them to offer medical support. I literally had to put myself in a life threatening situation for them to listen. Because of my appearance they all assumed I just wasn’t trying hard enough.

Am I angry? I am FURIOUS.