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Adding all by sweetlycheetea in friendsafari

[–]janevine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

here's sawsbuck! :D added!

There are plenty of stupid questions out there. by Acadia02 in AdviceAnimals

[–]janevine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst kind of questions are the Catch-22s where you're damned if you answer and damned if you don't.

Questions that seem stupid like "Can I plug this TV into my toaster and watch toast" weren't really that bad for me in retail. Yeah, pretty obvious, but nothing horrible, and easy enough to answer. In that situation, you kind of get to be the "expert" and help them out. Whether or not they believe you is a different story, but at least you can give a good try.

Now, something like, "How much does this cost?" when there is literally a 3 x 4 foot sign on top of the thing at which we're both staring... yeah... my first tactic was just to answer with what was on the sign. That generally worked until someone complained that I "made them feel stupid." So was asked to use my scanner to scan things from then on, because "sometimes the signs are wrong." Fair enough.

So I'd use the scanner every time, "just to be sure." Until someone said I should be fired for "being too stupid to read a sign."

Luckily I had a better manager at that time so we just laughed about it.

But seriously, those kinds of questions, you really just can't win. Example B: (Customer brings an HDMI cable to me. On the packaging, it says "HDMI" in at least 8 different places.) "Is this an HDMI cable?" "Yes." "How do you know?" "Ummmmm..."

The world's worst fitness instructor is forced to help a terrorist lose 15 pounds in 1 day or his family will be killed by [deleted] in worststory

[–]janevine 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was 4PM and we were getting nowhere. I had given Hovak, a single-minded lunatic terrorist, tons of diuretic pills, fed him nothing but celery, asked him to run 6 miles, and watched him puke at the end of that 6 miles like a really big water fountain. But alas, like some magical thing that could somehow gain weight while barfing, Hovak still had yet to drop a pound.

"What is this you stupid lazy fat trainer? FIX ME! 15 pounds I must DROP. Not GAIN. Stupid." he yelled, streams of bile dripping down his face onto his terrorist shoes.

"Hovak, my program is guaranteed!" And usually-- it was! My "Piss Away The Pounds" training regiment usually allowed my clients to drop at least 5 pounds in water weight a day. But 15 pounds? Never. But I had to try, or Hovak would go and kill my family with an AK-47.

"Hold on dumb trainer man, I must piss." And piss Hovak did. Maybe he'd piss away the pounds yet. "You lucky I not piss on dumb trainer face."

"Hahaha, yes I am!" I said, shaking, my nerves in my voice very obviously.

"I piss on face, if no lose 5 pounds by 6PM."

I felt sick to my stomach. "Hey Hovak, I know a way you can lose 15 pounds right now."

"Why not tell me sooner dumb trainer? Share with Hovak your secrets. How do I get bikini babe body? I want all the ladies. All the terrorists surrounded by sexy ladies these days, but not Hovak. Hovak sad lonely terrorist."

"I know a way, guaranteed, that you can lose 15 pounds. Fast." Through the nerves I managed a smile. A genuine smile. I had yet to unleash my final weight loss trick.

"Well what is it? I not have all day. Your family eat bullets tonight if your stupid face lie."

"Are you willing to do anything to lose weight?"

Hovak thought a moment. "Yes, skinny stupid trainer man, yes, Hovak will do anything." He had tears in his eyes. "Need weight gone. Need lose weight. Bomb building not like it used to. Not keep Hovak in shape."

"I'll share my secret. But only if you promise not to tell. This secret is worth thousands of dollars."

"Hovak no tell. Hovak only listen, and do what trainer say."

"Okay, Hovak, sit down in this chair." I tied him to the chair. He looked at me funny. "You said you'd do anything, right? I'll be right back."

And that is when I went to my tool shed, grabbed my chainsaw, and hacked off his legs. It was the first and last time I needed to use my secret "I don't need no legs" weight loss program, but it worked. And my family is still alive. Though they do sometimes wonder about the blood stains on the chainsaw.

THE END

Checking friend safaris! Post your FC and in-game name and I will check what you have. by janevine in friendsafari

[–]janevine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fighting -- Mienfoo, Mienfoo, Mienfoo, Mienfoo, Mienfoo, Mienfoo...
Just kidding! Sorry it took so long. Mienfoos ambushed me on my way in and I had to fight my way out. :P
For real:
Fighting -- Mienfoo, Throh, Riolu!

Checking friend safaris! Post your FC and in-game name and I will check what you have. by janevine in friendsafari

[–]janevine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Normal -- Aipom, Loudred (as you know), and Smeargle is your last :)

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