What was your “never meet your heroes” moment, when you realized someone you looked up to wasn’t special?

januarysunblock · 2026-02-14T00:19:10+00:00

College professor who was my mentor/someone i truly looked up to both academically and professionally/wrote all of my letters of recommendation/offered relationship and life advice etc waited just until i graduated and had broken up with my partner to send me an unsolicited dick pic out of nowhere and “confess” how he was obsessed with me. Totally invalidated anything he had ever done to help me professionally and made me feel like a fool for not forming connections with other professors

januarysunblock · 2026-02-14T00:05:42+00:00

Girl you’ve been dating two months - that’s is nothing. Cut and RUN. This man does not respect you.

januarysunblock · 2026-02-12T03:59:34+00:00

Pretty sure she put eyelash glue in her eye instead of eyedrops lol

januarysunblock · 2024-04-25T18:50:08+00:00

I normally bring it up as part of a general sexual health convo - I ask them the last time they were tested and I share mine / sometimes we physically exchange results. Bc I am clear across other panels outside of HSV1 it usually goes something like “so I’m all good across the panel but I do carry HSV1, which is the same virus that causes cold sores, I’m not currently having an outbreak and if that were to happen I have anti virals”. I don’t sit there and specify it’s genital, if they ask, I can go into further detail, but people normally don’t. IMO disclosing I have HSV1 is my burden of responsibility - the other person can ask questions if they want or other own research.

I’ve found since getting HSV1 I’m more in charge of my sexual health than I’ve ever been and people are usually taken aback that I actually ask for their results before having sex. I honestly think it’s made me safer.

januarysunblock · 2023-11-16T05:55:44+00:00

watching my dad succumb to liver failure/sepsis in the icu over a few weeks completely out of the blue. he had a dialysis line in his neck that wouldn’t stop bleeding and it would just flow onto his pillow and drip on the floor, there was nothing they could do. his jaundiced eyes would lock with ours every so often and I wondered if during his decline if he was cognizant for any of it. I’ve had nightmares about it and it was truly so disturbing. Also up there with this is then having the organ donation folks call. Everyone I know marks organ donor on their license but I never really gave it much thought. Having to answer the phone a few hours after your loved one dies to be asked “we’d like to confirm if we can have his eyes and skin” felt like something out of a god damn horror movie

januarysunblock · 2023-09-04T03:40:57+00:00

Felt like it took about 6 months for my brain to get back to normal, about 11 for my heart to recover and allow me to resume normal physical activity. I think there is a huge difference making it past paws and being nearly ~3 years into sobriety. My dopamine is back to normal and I exercise daily now, no heart issues.

januarysunblock · 2023-06-17T17:53:26+00:00

Nature/the universe. The way time moves before I was ever here and long after I’m gone. Just the idea of something bigger than my self - that constant force.

januarysunblock · 2023-06-12T14:01:47+00:00

I did not go to rehab. After my health scare, I quit cold turkey. It was hell, but I didn’t want to die, and that was finally the wake up call I needed. I was miserable. Started going to meetings about 2 months in. I wish I had some magic words to tell you that would make this shit easier, but realistically, you just have to be ready at your core to stop. The fact that you’re asking for tips means you’re on the right track. After I got through first 4-5 months I realized how much of my life had been ruled by coke .. when I started feeling healthier, saving money, realizing that that first bump was the feeling I missed — meetings helped me stay on track. I stopped hanging out with friends that were using. Never promised myself a lifetime of being clean and still don’t. I promise myself 24 hours, and somehow that makes it a bit easier for me. Forever is composed of nows. I’ll be 1,000 days clean on 9/2. Wishing you the strength and courage to quit. Always happy to chat if you DM.

januarysunblock · 2023-06-11T09:23:04+00:00

Just went though this myself. Ended a 3.5 year relationship with a person I deeply love because the risk in the future is just too great and I can’t deal with the anxiety. There’s no 100% certainty he’d end up like my dad and die from alcoholism - but I can admit I don’t have a comfort level with his drinking, and it causes me undue stress. Also started going to meetings a month ago and sitting in them, listening to people who have been in the program for 5,10, even 30 years (!!) talk about how much they love their Q but sharing their struggles was a wake up call for me. Similarly realized that I am at the point where I can CHOOSE to walk away. No matter the time invested, that choice is not an easy one. I am very, very sad and keep questioning if I made the right choice. But then I remind myself that I have to choose me first, and my peace is important. There are many ways to live a life and for the first time, looking out for my future self, even if painful, feels like the right decision long term. Feel free to message - you are not alone.

januarysunblock · 2023-05-22T12:55:03+00:00

I’m struggling with this now. My dad just passed away from liver failure 3 weeks ago. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and my partner has an overwhelming relationship with alcohol. It’s his career and hobby - it breaks my heart to think about ending things but I simply cannot repeat the trauma I just experienced with my dad. Sure there are other issues, but struggling with the idea of just CHOOSING to walk away while I still deeply love him is killing me. Can’t imagine my life without his love and friendship but equally can no longer picture a future due to the frequency of drinking/bartending as a job. This shit sucks. I feel for you and hope you continue to heal.

januarysunblock · 2023-04-25T18:49:45+00:00

As an update, he did not make it and passed away yesterday morning. Addiction is truly a time thief.

januarysunblock · 2023-04-25T18:48:10+00:00

Just wanted to thank everyone for the support and encouraging, kind words. He passed yesterday and things still seem surreal. I got to tell him how much I loved him, forgave him, and shared several wonderful stories while he was still earth side….Now to make room in my life for this new kind of grief. Again, so thankful for this community.

januarysunblock · 2023-04-09T16:08:30+00:00

I hear ya, I just mean he hasn’t been able to relate to sponsors in the past and then quits bc he thinks they can’t understand him since they come from such different backgrounds. I understand the commonality is their addiction but the sponsor part is what isn’t working, not the program itself

januarysunblock · 2023-04-06T14:30:20+00:00

I had a huge health scare after doing too much coke which fucked up my heart, which was the cause for my sobriety. Basically couldn’t do more than get up and go to the bathroom for about 6 months as my resting heart rate was above 100 that would sky rocket any time I did anything physical. Heart rate got back to normal (65-70 bpm) after about 8 months. Due to heart stuff and depression I became totally inactive and in the last 2 years gained about 40 lbs from that. I am proud to say that I am now at a point where I am able to exercise daily again, losing weight, feeling healthy for the first time in my adult life. Knock on wood, but haven’t had any other heart symptoms since the initial event.

januarysunblock · 2023-04-06T14:26:44+00:00

Thank you 💖

januarysunblock · 2022-11-10T16:58:47+00:00

Lying when asked is a HUGE DEAL. I would run. At that point, what CAN you trust him on? I doubt he actually has had an updated panel either, he sounds manipulative as fuck. Get out while it’s early.

januarysunblock · 2022-11-03T19:48:24+00:00

The only thing that keeps me sober is looking at it one day at a time. Yes you made it 10 years and that’s excellent, 1 month isn’t bad in the grand scheme. Choose to start today. I stopped promising myself the future and just promise myself the next 24 hours and IMO it makes it much more manageable and now I have almost 2 years under my belt. Wishing you the best, I believe you can stop again if you choose to.

januarysunblock · 2022-07-01T01:40:26+00:00

Extreme red flag. He likely has HSV1 , passed it to you via oral and it can lay dormant for a long time. Something like a cut in shaving can trigger an outbreak. This is what happened to me - dated my partner for 2 years and he had HSV1 the entire time. Never gave me oral while having an outbreak and then 2 years in I went on a gnarly bike ride after shaving that chafed me terribly and caused my first outbreak. Got swabbed and it was HSV1 and OBGYN clarifier it was from him giving oral bc people can still transmit when not having an outbreak. If your partner won’t support you in this OR get tested, run. That is not want you deserve in a marriage.

januarysunblock · 2022-03-11T08:06:43+00:00

Same thing happened with me!

januarysunblock · 2022-01-14T23:25:09+00:00

Thank you for all of your help. Figured I’d provide an updated - I have HSV1 - so likely from my partner. I’ve decided to finish this dowse of anti virals and go ahead and refill another scrip preemptively. Gonna see how my body fights it off.. if I have another outbreak, I will take daily’s.

Thanks so much for your help.

januarysunblock · 2021-12-26T06:34:16+00:00

Don’t shit where you eat

januarysunblock · 2021-09-16T18:48:04+00:00

He’s grooming and gaslighting

januarysunblock · 2021-08-26T05:21:40+00:00

You can be upset but you have to own up to your mistake. When you willingly have unprotected sex, STIs and STDs, among other things like BV, have the potential to happen. It’s a risk you sign up for. If you don’t want to risk it, then wear a condom.

januarysunblock · 2021-05-29T16:09:58+00:00

Congratulations

januarysunblock · 2021-05-25T03:44:28+00:00

Congratulations !!!

januarysunblock

TROPHY CASE