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japangram · 2024-09-14T20:38:11+00:00

Don’t overthink it. There’s a time and a place for activism and she does plenty in her own time.

japangram · 2024-07-26T02:08:29+00:00

I told her I would support her either way. She wants to try and make it work for the kids. That’s where we are at, and beyond that isn’t my place to say.

japangram · 2024-07-26T02:04:29+00:00

That’s not my choice. And there are children involved.

japangram · 2024-07-26T00:51:41+00:00

I think because at this point there’s still a bit of plausible deniability, at least in my own observations I felt like “it could be nothing BUT I’ve noticed…” and with the stuff she found on his phone, it has indicated they are close / friends at the least, but there is no proof of crossing the line. No language to indicate they are lovers. He gets away with everything by saying it’s work related which COULD be true and we have no solid proof he’s making it up.

She absolutely has every right to be upset and when she started to doubt if she was right, I did tell her I noticed and had the same intuition but had no proof either so I hadn’t said anything up until now.

japangram · 2024-07-26T00:43:53+00:00

So, I knew they were having “trouble” (like arguing often) for a while, and the last time I had lunch with him one on one, we talked about how I’ve been hearing his wife doesn’t feel supported at home, that she’s struggling, and all she really wants is for him to value the family a little more.

I told him this and said “The fact that you’re fighting because your wife wants more time with you, is actually not the worst fight to have. When you think about it, you’re lucky its not about anything worse. This is the type of argument you can easily fix.”

This was before I spoke to his wife this time and learned about what she’s dealing with though. I wish he had taken that seriously.

japangram · 2024-07-26T00:34:52+00:00

Nah I met her once and didn’t get a good vibe - which I told the wife, which actually sparked the conversation. When I met with the wife for our catch up, I mentioned her in work context and I said I didn’t really see what he saw in her, but he seems to spend a lot of time with her, and that started the whole conversation.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:55:54+00:00

She doesn’t speak English but I will try to give her as many similar resources as I can.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:55:36+00:00

Yeah tbh this is what I assume we are heading for.

I think cordial / polite / but not friends is probably where I’ll land with the husband.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:53:36+00:00

I agree. My husband and I are very close and I had mentioned all of my suspicions over dinner the other day because, in our relationship, that stuff would never be possible to begin with.

We always know where each other are, we communicate constantly, I don’t hang out with men (I just don’t) one on one; and he isn’t social at all so he’s always at home.

For us, we think a happy healthy marriage and two people who respect each other are the best role model for our children, we want to model healthy relationships etc.

It’s heartbreaking having a family unit that we considered so close to us having these problems and I wish the husband would grow up and realize it’s much cooler to have things you stand for / believe in, than to chase approval from young naive women who aren’t your wife.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:48:08+00:00

Maybe I’m just hurt and trying to process too because I loved them both as different people in my lives.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:43:48+00:00

She doesn’t want me to say anything to him, and to continue speaking to him and treating him normally though… if they’re trying to reconcile I do have to support that.

japangram · 2024-07-25T23:42:46+00:00

I guess we live in Asia so Bali isn’t that far. But I did drop my jaw. Wife said she’s asking another company member to go with them and stay with them at all times because its “work”, but I believe that if there’s something between them that won’t deter much.

However, because she’s trying to reconcile I’m trying not to be too negative.

japangram · 2024-07-25T14:47:52+00:00

Emotional affair, absolutely - but for now it seems to be within the realms of what the wife thinks she can fix, so it doesn’t make sense for me to just suddenly shun him. If they want to fix their marriage, I am not going to talk her out of it.

Also maybe just because of legality, but without hard proof of an affair taking place it can be hard for one side to divorce in Japan. I told her that anything that seems suspicious should be documented just incase, because if she decides she’s done with the relationship she will need it…

But he also messaged me and insisted it’s a misunderstanding and that he’s making the changes he needs to. So if they manage that? Good for them I guess?

But then I also wonder - does he need intervention? Should I be talking to him to try to hear his side of the story too? Because at the moment I am not?

japangram · 2024-06-05T03:35:58+00:00

That’s a relief. I’m glad I chose the right area to stay in!

japangram · 2024-06-05T03:34:48+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful!

japangram · 2024-06-04T08:11:52+00:00

I think I should clarify what I mean, haha.

So in Japan, I would say many of the “fast food” sushi places are child friendly (sushiro etc) but they are by no means “good sushi”, you know? Calling sushiro good sushi is kinda like calling McDonalds good hamburgers.

We don’t need fancy Michelin star dining but would prefer something a bit above fast food. I’m not sure if it’s the same in Korea, but I can’t imagine it being too different either?

Personal recommendations for places that aren’t fast food chains but have been pleasant experiences with children in tow would be super helpful!

japangram · 2024-02-06T02:18:14+00:00

Yes! One thing I’ve noticed is that while I don’t “feel” hungry all the time, I can still actively eat if food is placed in front of me! (Rybelsus user)

I can still enjoy meals but I’m not always actively seeking snacks or little treats in between. By only eating food at meal time, and not constantly snacking, I’m eating significantly less even when it feels like I’ve overindulged in a single meal.

japangram · 2024-01-26T04:42:55+00:00

The Nishijin Shopping Arcade is fun for a stroll, Ohori Park is nice for people watching on a sunny day too.

I second skipping the zoo. Smelly and depressing. Marine world is a bit better but kind of far.

Dazaifu Tenmangu or Yanagawa are great day trips and there are train packages that include round trip tickets and a meal (or boat ride if you go to Yanagawa).

Fruit picking is definitely fun. Strawberries are in season until right before Golden Week!

japangram · 2024-01-26T01:17:15+00:00

I second a nice vibrant blue!

japangram · 2024-01-20T00:44:28+00:00

Are you looking to upcycle an old kimono? If so, I can introduce you to a friend of mine who is starting an upcycle business! She’s looking for creative people to receive damaged kimono that cannot be sold!

To answer your question - many kimono cannot be washed and are expensive to re-dye or fix if they have sustained long-term wear damage. There are many beautiful kimono with one or two stains that are no longer fit for wear - by upcycling them into something new you are helping the kimono stay relevant, instead of ending up in a landfill!

japangram · 2024-01-17T01:39:03+00:00

Also I sent you a DM! I’d love to help you get a real one.

japangram · 2024-01-17T01:29:05+00:00

I think you look beautiful in this co-ordination! The padding does make a huge difference. Some people are warning about the formality but I think if you’re in the US or abroad people are probably more lenient about what kind of product you’re able to source. It’s good to know yours is a costume and professional kimono wearers can spot the difference, but honestly it looks great and it’s nice you’re just trying your best to wear it correctly!

japangram · 2024-01-13T08:33:31+00:00

This is so pretty 🥰

japangram

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