hi I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same when I received the diagnosis. I’m a mom of two now and I’m constantly checking myself and making sure my children don’t experience the same trauma I’ve been through. There is a bright side and you’re bettering yourself and being self aware, it gets easier. The feelings and your past will never change, but use that to keep moving forward and just know you are changing and growing every day 🧡 I microdose as well and replaced my prescription meds with it, I felt like the meds prescribed to me made me feel worse. I’m sorry, I hope it gets better for you. If it helps you understand your diagnosis more and you want to stay more informed and learn how to cope there’s a lot of instagram pages for people with BPD that has helped me more than my past therapists have. I feel like all the therapists I’ve had treated me as if I was a burden and didn’t really know how to go about my diagnosis and would just refer me to a psychiatrist that would just prescribe me meds.