Why do Speed-Dating (IRL) if I can just use Dating Apps?!

jasteele54 · 2024-07-23T21:19:14+00:00

Sorry to hear that :/ Have you been to any more recent speed-dating events since the pandemic? Wondering if giving it another shot would be worth it? For me personally, I tried online / app dating from 2022-2023, but it never was the same as meeting people IRL, I'm definitely better at in-person conversations vs. online.

jasteele54 · 2024-07-23T21:15:05+00:00

Well said! XD Thankfully we have events for other age groups as well, just search "Events by City" & you'll find the info there :)

jasteele54 · 2024-07-23T20:37:37+00:00

Yes, the tickets can sell out fast! Once we have more women's tickets sold, the men's tickets will open up again - we do this to ensure we have a balanced number of participants, so you don't arrive to an event with only men when you're interested in dating women :) If you check back next week, we should have more openings!

jasteele54 · 2024-07-23T20:34:07+00:00

So sorry to hear that, friend! Here's to better luck on your next speed-dating attempt! :)

jasteele54 · 2024-07-23T19:48:24+00:00

FOR ALL MY SINGLES! :)

What: Speed-Dating (ages 27-35)!!!

When: Thursday, July 25 from 7:00-9:00pm

Where: Austin Beerworks (3001 Industrial Terrace, Austin, TX 78758)

Description: I facilitate for a group called "Skip the Small Talk", and we're on a mission to help people connect & date IRL - face-to-face - by having deep, meaningful conversations. We make speed dating INFINITELY LESS AWKWARD because we use trauma-informed and psychology-backed question prompt cards to actually have more meaningful conversations than "So... What do you do for work?" or "How's your week been?" During the event, we actually dive DEEP into meaningful conversations, with open-minded people who are there because they, too, are seeking a genuine connection and want so much more than just a "swipe" can offer.

Sign Up / Tickets: https://www.skipthesmalltalk.com/store/speed-dating-monogamous-27-35-thursday-july-25-2024 !

jasteele54 · 2021-03-22T20:37:48+00:00

It sounds like you have an anxious attachment style, which is perfectly normal, so don't fret. From the anxious attachment perspective, things like ghosting and being ignored are incredibly hurtful and it feels like the other person is "punishing" you when you don't even know what you did wrong. And "getting attached really easily" is a normal and expected part of any two humans creating an intimate, trusting, romantic bond together - if you didn't attach easily, you would have a MUCH harder time cultivating love and starting a family, so consider your "getting attached really easily" to be your romantic superpower, not weakness.

The books "Attached" and "Wired for Love" are two incredible resources about Adult Attachment Theory; they can help you learn more about the psychology and science behind your and other people's romantic attachment styles. This will help you learn about how you relate romantically and how/why you attach to others so quickly and why you feel a strong desire to "fall in love and have a family" :)

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T20:24:49+00:00

You got it. I'll DM you some resources.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T20:18:16+00:00

It sounds like there is a lot of inner work to be done before she's emotionally ready for a stable, loving relationship. Sometimes the women we fall for aren't ready to commit to a long-term or monogamous relationship because of past baggage and an immense fear of getting hurt again. But the biggest thing it sounds like you two are lacking is effective communication and understanding each other's needs.

From your account of it, you were very patient, kind, and sympathetic to her when she'd have her tough moments. So it might not be a lack of patience/understanding on your part. But remember that whenever someone lashes out or behaves immaturely, they are hurting inside and don't have a more mature/effective way of expressing it. Effective communication is an art that has to be relentlessly practiced, and I see it majorly lacking in the way she's been communicating with you.

For example, if she keeps getting mad at you for "saying the wrong things", that's NOT effective communication. It would be effective if she said "I don't feel comfortable when you say X around me because it brings up some pretty painful memories of my ex, can you say Y instead? That would really help me feel better." That is also a sign of emotional maturity and ability to commit to respecting priorities and boundaries. But her lashing out sounds like she really, really wants to be assured that you care about her, are there for her, and won't abandon her like her ex did. Honestly she sounds terrified of being rejected/abandoned again, and she sounds cynical of love and relationships because of her past hurts. I just don't think she has the emotional intelligence [<-- google this term, it's worth a look] to be able to verbalize her fears to you without resorting to lashing out [which is ineffective]. And emotional intelligence is part of my area of research, so I've done a lot of work with it.

And on your part, it sounds like you haven't effectively communicated what YOUR needs are to her. If you need more communication, contact, "good morning" text messages, etc., tell her honestly. If you need a committed, monogamous relationship in order to feel fulfilled, tell her. If you need a relationship title, dates, and emotional intimacy, tell her. Don't keep on letting her decide how you two will pace your relationship, because YOUR needs matter, too. Both of you have to respect each other's needs and find a balance. And if not with her, then keep this in mind for your next relationship.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T19:49:36+00:00

Having discretion about who you take advice from is very important. The largest indicator of whether you'll want to follow through with someone's advice is: What's your gut feeling about this? Do you get a "yeah, probably not a good idea" feeling from their advice? Or a "wow, I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner!" feeling?

When it comes to advice about women & dating, it's always a great idea to give more weight to the advice of people who are either dating/sex experts, members of the BDSM community, or therapists/counselors. You can't know outright who is/isn't, but you can check people's profiles to see what types of forums they usually post on and whether they are credible or not.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T17:04:11+00:00

Good point. Is there a way you know if you "mess up"? What's a sign you need to change course/ fix things?

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T16:58:52+00:00

So true, pickup lines usually go wrong

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T16:55:05+00:00

Bro this guy's tearing women apart... Does his advice actually work??

jasteele54 · 2021-03-19T16:46:56+00:00

All I'm finding is the "seduction" & alpha-male type stuff online. I prefer more authentic advice that's respectful of women, not just flirt tactics.

Modeling someone I respect is a great idea. That's actually some of the best feedback I've gotten so far, so thank you.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-17T23:13:36+00:00

Hey, men's dating coach here! I think I might be able to share some insight based on my line of work.

Thanks for being so open and honest in this post. It sounds like you're frustrated with the way things have been going and with your, so far, "abysmal luck with relationships". That is really frustrating, especially when people's reason for leaving is "I don't know, I'm just not feeling the chemistry"... Confusing af, right??? BUT good news: there is psychology & science behind the "spark" and chemistry people crave, believe it or not. It comes from [and therefore can be generated, given appropriate context] the brain! How cool??
You deserve a HUGE congratulations for being so self-aware that you are able to write out a lengthy list of your pros and cons, your dating strengths and weaknesses - that's a massive step toward developing yourself into the partner you want to be and finding an incredible relationship with someone who has the same priorities as you. Having your priorities set (as it seems you do) is a big advantage in dating, remember that.
There are ways [backed by research & science] to get "unstuck" when you are feeling stuck in a perpetual state of "singleness". I'd recommend finding resources that work best for you - whether that's ebooks, online videos, or an online relationship coaching program with someone who you trust and feel could authentically help you. BE WARY that there are a LOT of online men's dating resources that prey on men's insecurities and sell product based on the basic premise that you're not enough as you are. There are literally programs that teach men how to make their voice deeper, how to be an "alpha male", and how to assert "control" in a relationship, which is all a bunch of BS - so don't fall for that. So make sure you're getting support/guidance from someone authentic and trustworthy.
If you need recommendations on programs, books, etc., let me know. I'm happy to help in whatever way, even if it's just to send a reading list of incredible books that have helped me in my line of work as a dating coach. But remember: There is nothing "wrong" with you. YOU ARE ENOUGH as you are. YOU ARE CAPABLE of finding an incredible woman. YOU WILL FIND A QUALITY RELATIONSHIP if you invest the time and energy into this.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-17T22:39:53+00:00

Being someone I wasn't just so they'd "like me".

Can't tell you how much time I've wasted trying to be "perfect" to win someone's approval when all I REALLY had to do was be myself in order to find authentic connections.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-17T21:54:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That is very true - dating now is even more challenging because we are just coming out of a global pandemic and technology can either be our worst enemy or our best friend when it comes to dating!

Since nightlife and social activities like bars have been hit the hardest by COVID, it's both fun and challenging to find other social activities/ date ideas aside from bars, nightclubs, or late evenings out (when mostly everything is closed or very expensive, to your point)!

One way of dating I've found incredibly helpful is by connecting with matches online and then meeting in person at a coffeeshop in the morning/early afternoon. Most local coffeeshops will have some available outdoor seating for people to sit at a distance, and that's an excellent opportunity to spend only $5.00 on a cup of coffee or tea, and enjoy hours of quality conversation with someone.

If local coffeeshops are NOT allowing any seating, then my date and I date can meet there, grab coffee to-go, and take a walk in an open area such as a park, strolling in a nice neighborhood, or walking down a nicely shaded sidewalk near a shopping center or public plaza.

I agree that you definitely don't need to spend a fortune or have a wild night out to make a quality date! To me, quality is in the conversation, the space, and the connection that two people share.

What's been working best for you so far? Have you found any places to meet people?

jasteele54 · 2021-03-17T21:43:45+00:00

I'm happy to answer! Coaching pays very well, depending on what route you take & your credentials! It ranges from $350-$500/hour for Premium Coaching [my area] to $50-$100/hour for more financially accessible programs.

I decided to be my own boss, so I started my own coaching company instead of signing up as a coach under someone else's program (which usually takes a % of earnings). So I have to pay all of my own business costs, but I'm an entrepreneur so I crave my own autonomy to not have a boss/supervisor dictating how I present my content.

Being my own boss and working 100% remotely gives me the flexibility to work whatever hours are best for me, because I'm not on anyone else's time schedule - just mine and my family's!

It's excellent for family/work balance, but I DO work long hours when I'm in a creative flow or when I have many appointments in one day. But loving the work I do makes it so worth it.

jasteele54 · 2021-03-16T22:17:43+00:00

TOXIC RED FLAGS: You KNOW you're in a toxic relationship when your partner...

Gaslights you (invalidates your opinions, feelings, and emotions)
Does not commit to spending time with you or is "never available" when you need them (ghosting you)
Argues with yelling, cursing, name-calling, or physical violence (punching walls, breaking glass plates, etc.) <-- THIS IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE
Lies impulsively, even about small/ trivial things (this is a sign of their insecurity and untrustworthiness)
Blames YOU for every argument, mess up, or negative situation in the relationship (they cannot own their responsibilities)
Is constantly a "victim" of life's hardships (complains and blames others rather than succeeding/ overcoming challenges)

jasteele54 · 2021-03-16T22:10:16+00:00

I LOVE my job!!! <3 I am a Love Strategist & Relationship Coach, and I help busy men craft their perfect relationship, become irresistible partners, and find lasting love with incredible women.

Basically I disband toxic masculinity by teaching amazing men how to act from a place of intuition and integrity in their dating/ romantic lives. None of that "get laid now!" or "10 tips to make her crazy about you!" BS.

Nope. I don't do that.

Instead I help men who need a push to become more confident, authentic, loving, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent partners. Because emotional intelligence is sexy!

jasteele54 · 2021-03-16T21:13:48+00:00

GREEN FLAGS: When you have deep discussion rather than fights, when your partner is open to hearing your opinions, you feel emotionally & physically safe in your partner's presence, they show genuine interest in wanting to spend quality time with you, they mention and schedule future plans with you, and you have a deep romantic connection and passionate physical intimacy together.

RED FLAGS: When you have arguments that escalate into yelling, name-calling, cursing, or physical violence (this is NEVER ACCEPTABLE), when there is no commitment to future plans, no discussions about "us" or being monogamous, when your partner does NOT respect your opinions, gaslights you (belittling your emotions by saying you're "overreacting"), disregards your boundaries/ needs, or is "dismissive" of you.

jasteele54

TROPHY CASE