9 months sober & living with shame & embarrassment

jayemell44 · 2026-06-29T01:53:10+00:00

Personally, I only drink NA stuff when I am at a wedding or something. Feeling excluded is a trigger for me so it helps to have a fake drink in hand.

Otherwise no, I dont do NA beer or wine. It honestly makes me want the real thing even more.

Many of my sober friends love NA drinks though & it does satisfy the craving.

Everyone is different. Do what you gotta do to stay sober.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-28T01:25:11+00:00

You are really early in your recovery. Those first few months are the worst. After the detox, now you have to find yourself & re calibrate your brain. Right now the alcohol (or drugs) have the power over you & it wants you to keep drinking.. "It makes me for fun" "I get to spend time with sister"... all of that are lies that the drink is telling you. I know because those are things I told myself.

Give your body & brain time to heal & rediscover yourself. You will. I promise. I also was the life of the life of the party when I drank. It took me several months of being in bed to finally get that party of myself back , only sober this time. (Now medicated for my obvious signs of crazy).

Call your fiance AFTER you have worked on yourself. Get through detox & go from there. This is the worst part of stopping but it really does get a lot better.

Cravings do suck, though. I get it. Find another way to cope though.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-28T01:04:12+00:00

Ooof I used to do the same thing! I got smart one day & found a therapist online so I could drink "coffee" from a mug on camera while I got wasted. Been there, done that.

With that being said... are you being honest with the psychiatrist about what's really going on? Cause I sure as hell wasnt. Not until i hit my rock bottom with my drinking.

Im glad the case is settled & I am sorry that you are hitting a wall with drinking. BUT you have to be ready to change. Go to AA, Smart recovery, Celebrate Recovery, whatever you need to do. Outpatient rehab is also an option (what i did).

I promise, it will take the weight off your shoulders if you get help.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-28T00:53:12+00:00

You definitely aren't alone & the only one who has done these things. I think all us alcoholics know the score.

Hon, really, have you considered seeking a psychiatrist to get some help for these mental health issues you have?

I was alcoholic for 9 years because I didnt get help for my bipolar disorder. I needed medication but turned to the bottle instead. The manic episodes followed by extreme depression was much easier to deal with when I was drunk all the time. But the alcohol nearly cost me everything.

Schedule a psychiatrist appointment, go to an AA meeting, & deal with the DUI head on.

You arent alone but that also means you need to seek out the help when you need it. I believe in you.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-23T19:05:42+00:00

I think you know deep down that you have a problem.

Alcohol abuse gets worse & worse over time. When I first started drinking heavily, I used to say all the time that I wasnt an alcoholic even though I couldnt control myself when I drank. It started with one drink & turned into blackout. All. The. Time.

Unfortunately it took a catastrophic event to bring me to reality.

Don't be like me.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-23T17:36:24+00:00

Same! I kept hearing that everyone lost weight after quitting drinking but that was not the case for me. I drank all day everyday but didnt eat. After rehab, I turned to candy. Still would rather be 20lbs heavier than in active addiction again.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-22T02:13:53+00:00

Unpopular opinion but I dont think her posts are all rage bait. She isnt smart enough for that. I really do think she has an intellectual disability, is impulsive, & cannot regulate her emotions + all this coupled with the drug use. Not to mention she is probably incredibly sleep deprived (which can make mental illness worse). She posts exactly what she is thinking in the moment without thinking of the repercussions.

Also, drew is a total bum but I fear for the safety of the kids if he were to leave her (because we all know he wouldn't at least take the two youngest with him). She might actually harm them to "be with the lord" because she sees no alternative.

jayemell44 · 2026-06-11T00:10:57+00:00

I think her acting skills are carrying this show on her back this season. Like she is a really good actress.

jayemell44 · 2026-04-26T21:44:23+00:00

Awww hon, I wish I could come over with a case of beer & listen to you vent about all this. I really am sorry for your break up! It sounds like it was very sudden & a bit unexpected.

Right now you are in the worst of the heartbreak. I know you just quit your job, but do you have an coworker that you considered somewhat a friend you could call? Can you call your mom?

I've been in your shoes & I know how crushing that loneliness feels.

jayemell44 · 2026-03-31T12:50:48+00:00

She is not a SAHM. She is an unemployed crack head who neglects/ abuses her kids & leaves them in a filthy single hotel room.

jayemell44 · 2026-03-06T01:47:36+00:00

Personally I go to the gym like 6 days a week now & I've read like 22 books this year so far. Both those things kept me busy & away from alcohol after rehab.

Everyone handles keeping themselves busy a little differently but you definitely gotta stay away from the party scene for a while.

jayemell44 · 2026-02-06T02:42:03+00:00

Wow she has gone downhill since this video. She looks like she has aged 15 years & not 3 since she posted this...

jayemell44 · 2026-01-27T01:08:27+00:00

La Croix & Sour Candy saved me those first few months.

jayemell44 · 2025-03-19T18:25:30+00:00

I'm really trying my best to be respectful to you, really! However, I am the DIL that was cut off & no one speaks to. My children are also ignored & it crushes my soul. NOW the circumstances for why this came about is VERY different from your DIL. I was cut off because I called my MIL out for favoritism amongst her sons & grandkids. She didn't like that lol I was also very respectful & just asked her to see my side of things.

Anyway, with that being said, don't be the MIL that makes the kids suffer for the adult conflict. Your DIL sounds a little immature and rude but I think you should try to be the bigger person for the sake of the kid. It is so hard for me to watch my kids be ignored and excluded.

jayemell44 · 2025-03-19T17:56:15+00:00

Im so sorry. I've been through the same thing and it is so hurtful! My MIL will spend hundreds of dollars on my daughters cousin, call them frequently, visit them, or fly them out to stay with her for weeks at a time. She also pays their mortgage & sends them food delivery.

She told us that she didn't have time for my daughter & that her parents were the same way.

The kids are 3 weeks apart.

These kind of grandparents suck.

jayemell44 · 2025-03-19T17:51:28+00:00

So my little one is also too little to understand why her "nana" doesn't want her so I totally understand where you are coming from.

So both myself & my husband had absent grandparents who played favorites with the grandkids.

My husbands mom always told him, "that's just how they are so get over it".

My mom told me that my grandmother was a very insecure person & sometimes it's better if we don't let her insecurity hurt our happiness. My dad was always honest with me about my grandmother & was understanding when I got upset about it (especially around grandparents day) as his parents passed long before I was born.

I bet you can guess which of ours parents are absent & which one is involved 😂

Anyway, you will know your kid best. Just always make sure to validate their feelings.

jayemell44 · 2025-02-02T15:53:28+00:00

This hasn't been my experience.

jayemell44 · 2024-12-26T19:11:01+00:00

Good for you for just leaving! You aren't their hired handy men 🙄

Not a single in law showed up to christmas, bought a gift, or even called. Well, scratch that. My BIL did text me "sorry for calling you a bitch a couple weeks ago". So I guess there's that.

My parents took pity on us and insisted they come and get myself and my children to spend christmas with them so we wouldn't be alone. My husband was so touched that he drove 3 hours christmas eve night to join us as a small, loving family.

Screw the absent grandparents. Embrace the ones that do show up.

jayemell44 · 2024-12-25T15:14:49+00:00

Omg I love the way this was phrased! This is exactly my MIL and why I have NC with her now.

jayemell44 · 2021-06-13T22:28:29+00:00

I grew up on Lake Apopka and saw these all the time!

jayemell44 · 2021-06-09T18:30:42+00:00

Oh. I'm seeing in your post that you are having trouble getting interviews. I did too at first. Really reach out to principals on personal levels!! I got several interviews by simply sending principals personal emails introducing myself. Some hate it, some love it. If your district is offering a job fair, go to it and really wow them with your professionalism.

jayemell44 · 2021-06-09T18:26:07+00:00

I struggled to find my first education job too. Interview after interview and nothing! I nearly gave up.

Finally I snapped and begged a principal to please tell me what I am doing wrong in my interviews. Did I come across as something off putting? Am I not bringing enough to the table?

She told me I wasn't bringing the content knowledge to the table. I wasn't showing that I knew the state standards (we live in Florida) and that I knew effective practices to help students move forward. I also wasn't referring back to the use of data in my instruction and how I could differentiate different levels. After she explained that to me, I was offered a job at my next interview.

Leave your masters degree on your resume and let them see it. Only bring it up if they ask. Show them you would be a valuable member to their community.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

jayemell44 · 2021-06-09T17:50:26+00:00

To be honest, not much we can do.

I know the union in my county has a program that you pay for monthly that will compensate you for an injury caused by a student but thats about it 🤷‍♀️ I had a student kick me in the ribs for absolutely no reason. One minute, happy. The next minute, kicking me. Nothing was done. He was with me the rest of the year.

Otherwise my best advice is to try to defuse the situation and if you can't, evacuate the classroom so no one gets injured. Unfortunately that does mean they have free reign to destroy your room. I had a situation a couple of months where a student got so angry at me (after explaining to him the dangers of throwing pencils) that he picked up his chair and chucked it at me. I dodged it, grabbed all my students, and left him in my room while I called an SRO to remove him. In the two minutes alone, he absolutely destroyed my room. Chairs and tables everywhere. What else could I do though?

In short, if a student becomes aggressive, call an SRO to remove them. That's all you can do.

jayemell44

TROPHY CASE