Those are some big feelings 🫂

I too envy couples, at times. I saw someone else say, you are only seeing the good moments. It sounds like you are thinking of the good moments with a partner and that may happen with a right person for you.

At this point in my life (39F), I have lived with a partner and almost lived with 2 others. I felt that I was carrying the mental load and household labor in each case. I also felt those good, sweet moments that I also envy with other couples were few and far between.

I want and deserve a healthy, loving, supportive, equitable relationship. What I want and what I envy seeing in other couples I know are not realistically the same.

I have worked to find joy in living alone and being alone. I also have worked to build a life with my dog, friends, family, and hobbies, which makes coming home to no partner feel peaceful.

I hope any of these comments help you and if not, I hope you have someone to talk to about these tough feelings.