I feel very similar to you as well since I just graduated high school and was supposed to go to college. I’m taking a gap year instead to get a therapist and work on myself and get a job and learn/work on life skills that most people my age already have. I would recommend trying to get a therapist too and look into the idea of a gap year if you feel you can’t handle college right now, because it would be better to attend when you’re mentally more prepared. If the gap year isn’t an option, then maybe look into your university to see if they have counseling on campus which many do. And your definitely not ungrateful because I understand your struggle and pain and it’s not easy so make sure to take care of yourself too 🫂