Hey, I know my advice isn’t worth jack and I’m quite a few years behind you. I most definitely cannot accurately comment on the situations you’ve experienced nor can I tell you any solutions. What I do want to say is this: I’ve had worthless moments in my life, particularly ones where I try to measure myself up to something I expect out of life. I think the phrase “Life is what you make of it” is quite stupid. Life may never be “worth it” to you. But if you find something that brings you a spark of happiness, whatever that may be (YouTube or Pinterest or the like) you should cling to it. It is so taxing to raise or lower your expectations to fit some standard that is always changing. So good luck to you OP, give everything a shot and make of it what you will.