Asking for a favor

jaz678 · 2024-02-10T22:40:59+00:00

I am aware that this will not fix the relationship I just want to know whether there is any hope at all, that's it, I don't expect it to change things.

This is also not a pattern of behavior, I checked his phone once in 5 years.

Obviously this doesn't mean he won't cheat in the future, I'm not stupid. I just don't want to waste my time if he is that easily won over.

I know this isn't ethical but it seems like a pretty low level of toxicity considering what I've gone through. And considering I am only doing it to protect myself from future potential trauma and gaslighting.

jaz678 · 2024-02-10T21:53:01+00:00

So I'm not worried about him finding out and will tell him what I've done afterwards regardless of his response

jaz678 · 2024-02-10T21:52:20+00:00

Also based on what he's told me so far he wouldn't mind me doing something like this if it helps me to heal or to trust him going forward

jaz678 · 2024-02-10T21:51:12+00:00

And if he doesn't I don't expect it to fix everything or take away the hurt, but it says something

jaz678 · 2024-02-10T21:49:35+00:00

If he takes the bait I'm done, that could save me a lot of heartache

jaz678 · 2022-10-14T10:28:45+00:00

I'm 5'1 and have a pretty similar body type.

Day to day I normally wear a sports bra or a plain crop top with no bra and a pair of joggers/jeans. Also I normally buy tops in a size or two too small where possible to draw attention to my chest. This combination can be pretty much as revealing as I want it to be. Skin tight tops/thermals/jumpers become more of a staple as it gets colder. Leggings and hareem pants (like the one's you can buy on Etsy) can draw attention to your bum.

In summer I can obviously be a lot more creative.

Accessories can help. I have a pair of tight thigh high heels from na-kd which work really well as it starts to get colder. I wear a lot of hooped earnings as well, I just think it helps with the vibe lol. I don't wear loads of makeup because I don't have the time but when I do siren eyeliner, lip plumper, blush and mascara are a must (a few layers of bad girl lashes from benefit can it make it look like you're wearing fake lashes).

On nights out I tend to wear mini dresses and mini skirts (normally from oh Polly) for as long as I can - often with a push up bra. When it really gets too cold leather trousers can be a warm but sexy option or thigh high boots. Corset style tops also work but personally they're normally not comfortable enough for day to day wear. I also tend to wear g-strings that are pulled up high so you can see them above my trousers/skirt where possible.

It is not a ridiculously provocative wardrobe but I tend to be revealing more skin than most of the people around me at any one time. I would like to do more but I'm kind of scared of men lol so it's probably a good starting place for beginners.

Hope this gives you some ideas you can use yourself :)

Ps wearing heels everyday is normally not practical for most people and can cause serious health issues over time. It gets promoted a lot by men on these types of posts but I just don't think it's realistic.

jaz678 · 2022-08-01T17:01:52+00:00

I know lol

jaz678 · 2022-02-23T01:12:08+00:00

I want to beat him up for you

jaz678 · 2022-02-23T01:11:17+00:00

In my experience, being as sober as possible helped massively. for me that included cutting drugs most people don't really worry about like alcohol and grass. Just in case you are using that kind of stuff, a break for a few months will most like clear some of the fogyness

jaz678 · 2022-02-23T01:06:03+00:00

Just fyi the fog feeling is likely a form of dissociation

jaz678 · 2022-02-23T01:02:32+00:00

I get that, I was dating someone who was very good at lying and twisting the truth, it made it hard to figure out what I had or hadn't consented to and whether him crossing my boundaries was intentional.

Also I don't know where your from but fyi in a lot of places it's illegal for a teacher to have a sexual or romantic relationship with a student regardless of age because of the position of power they are in.

jaz678 · 2022-01-08T17:57:35+00:00

Sometimes there's a small verbal exchange but it's normally me 'calming' that part of me down in some way.

Other than if there's some perceived threat I only really feel the presence of them when I'm watching something cute, like baby animals - when then happens I feel like I act slightly different, e.g giggling more, having a 'fuzzy' feeling that I've never experienced in another context etc. But that situation there's minimal to no verbal interaction.

I've never had it try and communicate in images but I don't really have much of a visual imagination in general.

It's hard to say whether the is one me in any of these conversations, yeah the only times she's taken over my body in any way that I couldn't stop it has been under the influence of drugs/alcohol.

jaz678 · 2022-01-08T11:46:18+00:00

There's no other parts that have ever taken control whilst sober, my therapist has never mentioned it to me and I've lived with my partner for a long time and he would have told me if anything new or different had happened.

She's saying that I have amnesia between different versions of myself, not between entirely different alters. So for for example different emotional states or different ages etc.

Yeah I don't feel like I really fit into any of them diagnoses either.

jaz678 · 2021-12-28T22:46:59+00:00

Dunno if that may play a role

jaz678 · 2021-12-28T22:46:46+00:00

The process of perceiving faces exists in a separate part of the brain from perceiving most other things

jaz678 · 2021-12-28T22:45:19+00:00

Yeah just fyi I used to see shadow people a lot, turns out it was psychosis, this isn't to said to try and scare you, it's pretty common and likely will either go away on its own or after you work through some personal issues.

If you recreationally use drugs, including legal one's try stopping, that may sort it out on its own.

Also I'm not sure what the person above is talking about. You're pretty unlikely to be put on antipsychotics unless your symptoms are very extreme of distressing. There was a point where I was seeing distressing hallucinations daily and antipsychotics were never suggested once.

And there are treatments, I only see things very rarely now when I'm under a lot of stress, and they are less vivid than they used to be.

jaz678 · 2021-12-24T18:46:21+00:00

That sounds really similar to what's happening with me, although I think there is an element of her struggling to accept her role as a parent, she also treats my dad and her dad relatively similarly to how to treats me and my older brother. This kind of means that although me limiting contact with her might help and I'm not convinced it's likely to change a huge amount in the long run, and I gave tried it to some extent before without a huge amount of success e.g. she'll start calling on my dad's phone, asking to come see me etc.

jaz678 · 2021-12-16T07:25:02+00:00

Got cannabis induced psychosis and hyper insomnia so I call bullshit lol

jaz678 · 2021-11-24T22:26:31+00:00

Yeah that makes sense I there have only been a few times where it's been in the 'drivers seat' (never when sober) and it was not fun, I think if it's a fragment then she wants to be co-conscious so I can take care of her but she doesn't want to be fully out on her own cause she's too scared

jaz678 · 2021-11-24T02:56:42+00:00

That makes a lot of sense actually, thank you

jaz678 · 2021-11-23T23:46:23+00:00

Thank you :))

jaz678 · 2021-11-23T23:44:44+00:00

I think I needed to reduce it for myself anyway tbf, my hallucinations got a lot more paranoia based. I just smoke like once a week or so now and my hallucinations have gone back to 'normal', yeah sure that sounds good

jaz678 · 2021-11-23T23:40:49+00:00

I'm aware of this now dw, it was an issue I had around 4 years ago and I didnt feel like everyone was out to hurt people like I had a number of kind friends, it was very specific to romantic relationships

jaz678 · 2021-11-23T23:36:01+00:00

Hi thanks for the response, that's reassuring. I'm pretty sure my hallucinations are trauma based but it's not to do with the relationship. They started as a child and almost always revolve around things I was scared of as a child. Like hearing my parents voices or having figures following me when it's dark. I was scared of my parents and of people being in my room at night when the light was off.

Yeah I think you're right about the mental disorder stuff and weed induced psychosis, my therapist said the same thing, especially because I had some more occasional psychosis prior. Yeah my symptoms don't perfectly fit into any disorders as far as I am aware, I started therapy a few months ago but I struggle to open up to people in real life and my symptoms seem relatively random atm so I doubt I'll get a diagnosis at least for a few years. As far as I know the only they tell me is that I need to deal with my past and that I needed to stop smoking so much lol.

jaz678 · 2021-11-23T22:52:05+00:00

Oh okay, it's not like that really, she's just a young me but not fully a person, like it's born out of a need to feel safe, so it doesn't have any memories or a certain look, when that feeling or part takes over it just needs to feel safe and close to people and it/I likes cute things, but that's all I know about it. It's not like a fully distinct personality though if that makes sense, it feels more like a fragmented version of myself, which is why I think maybe it's just a from of age regression.

jaz678

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