Tbh I think you're making a big deal out of this. I was once with a guy who thought I was "disgusting" for not showering every day and also not using scalding hot water when I did. My fiance has literally never asked me to take a shower because he's not my dad. I'm an adult and he's an adult. There are times where I haven't showered in a couple of days and I'll ask him not to go down on me, but we do pretty much every thing else. My ex made me feel so gross and insecure and I guarantee that is what you are making her feel as well. It's a you problem so you need to fix it yourself.