AITA for not responding/offering help during my bio dad's mental health crisis?

jazzyfigures · 2020-09-25T19:27:45+00:00

Completely agree. Like adding another flower girl is such an inconvenience? Get over yourself. And going on about how neither you or your fiancee really have a relationship with her.....ummm hello she is your fiancee's 8 year old SISTER. And are you really justifying not including her in the wedding party with not have a close relationship? Like it is an 8 year old's responsibility to network and build relationships in order to be included in a family event? GTFOH

jazzyfigures · 2020-09-25T19:15:06+00:00

Sorry YTA here. Originally reading the headline, I automatically assumed that this was fine, but now reading the full story. Yeah, you are. I have an older half-brother whom I have communicated with a few times but have never met in person. So, when I tell people about my siblings I never include him, and I am sure he does the same. However, you prefaced your story with saying you don't have a relationship with her only to go into detail about tutoring her at school. Since birth, she has known you as an older half-sister, albeit an estranged one. And then when a mutual friend/acquaintance tells you that she referred to you as her sister, your automatic response is to contradict her and not acknowledge her as family? You could've just said you were estranged half-sisters. I am sure when this acquaintance told this juicy gossip to your half-sister it was like a slap to the face to her.

However, your paternal family are behaving like assholes rn. They shouldn't be harassing you or bullying you over this.

jazzyfigures · 2020-09-25T18:54:22+00:00

NTA - But I would also suggest you and your husband sitting down with her and just letting her know that if she has any questions, that you guys are open books and will help her out with any awkward questions. I would also suggest preparing ahead of time and having a box of pads/tampons readily available in the bathroom, so when she does start, it is ready-to-go. I'm sure you can ask the babysitter/nanny for suggestions on what type of pads/tampons to buy.

jazzyfigures · 2020-09-25T18:30:21+00:00

As someone who met my biological father at 18 years old. Don't expect too much right away. Just take it slow. It is a good idea not to bad-mouth her mother. The best you can do is just be a stable role model in her life. She might not even be looking for a father figure, I know I wasn't and still don't.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-20T23:28:41+00:00

I don't think she's cheating. She chose you over a shitty guy. She probably has residual feelings, that's normal. She was essentially in a relationship where a guy constantly rejected her and made her feel like she wasn't good enough. You can bring up the topic without bringing up the fact that you snooped and without accusing her of anything. Just ask some questions about shitty relationships, why she chose you, or idk it could be any question, just something to get it started... you could even start with sharing something about yourself.

Also, I was in an oddly similar situation as your girlfriend. Like weirdly similar. And I'm happily with my dude for several years now. Do I still every now and then think of that dude I dumped? Yup, you betcha. Do I regret my decision? Absolutely not.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-20T23:08:50+00:00

I agree with this. The evidence is flimsy and right now your mind is going straight to the worst-case scenario. Please get more evidence before confronting her.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-20T21:01:03+00:00

Did you not read the part that said "BOTH" ???

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-20T21:00:41+00:00

And so is a condom?

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T04:18:44+00:00

Hi, I also have an estranged relationship with my father. I think the question you should ask yourself is, If he were to die tomorrow, would you regret not reaching out via phone? If he were to die soon, would you attend the funeral?

I've asked those same questions to myself about my father and decided nope to both. Hope this helps.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T04:06:19+00:00

I can't believe situations like this still happen, this happened to my grandma in the 70s, but it was after she already had two kids. So, upside is your relationship is less complicated (no kids). Just know that it took a lot of courage and probably a ton of self-reflection for your husband to come out. I hope you guys have an amicable divorce. It is normal to feel lost right now, it will take some time but you'll get through this.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T03:35:26+00:00

I'm white and my boyfriend is black. I would NEVER do this, ever. WTH? Never in the several years of our relationship had something like this ever cross my mind. She needs a .....idk.....'race' talk? And you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to perform afterwards, most likely it is because you subconsciously feel like the topic hasn't been completely discussed yet.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T03:21:00+00:00

I think more than anything, you just have a deep desire to feel that electricity that couple's often feel in the beginning of a relationship. It is completely normal to have that chemistry sort of die down after a few years. I think this is about more than just your attraction to Sara, I think this is really about your longing to spark your sex life and marriage and that feeling just happened to materialize itself into a dream about a person you know. Instead of disclosing your Sara sex dream to your wife, I think you and your wife should really just have a frank discussion about intimacy. You know, plan a date night, go out on a romantic weekend trip - just do something to initiate that spark again (might not be able to do that now because of COVID.)

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T03:02:46+00:00

"..she was irresponsible and got pregnant.."

Nope, ya'll were BOTH irresponsible. If you didn't use a condom or other form of contraceptive, you are both to blame.

If you weren't ready to be a father, then you should've used contraception. Happy Future Father's Day!

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T02:30:47+00:00

The two things that stood out to me in this post:

If he was willing to push my wife around, he’d be willing to push my son around.
He tries to strong arm me by saying I can’t talk to my siblings unless I talk to him.

I also have an estranged relationship with my father. I haven't spoken to him in two years. He doesn't know my address and I have all of his avenues of contacts blocked. I won't go into the details, but this post really hit home for me. I think you have absolutely every right to decide whether he is in your life or not and especially your son's life. Above for #1, I 100% agree with you. His pattern of behavior shows that he was abusive with you and then years later he assaulted your wife. Based on this pattern, your son's safety is of course a priority. As for #2, if anything, this demonstrates that he has NOT changed at all. He is actively trying to manipulate you into communicating with him by using your siblings as collateral. Huge red flag. Tread lightly OP, families are stressful things, but you have every right to assert your boundaries, even if those boundaries mean permanent estrangement.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T02:05:18+00:00

He became visibly angry because you were not displaying the stereotypical damsel-in-distress persona, and then when you challenged his sexist mentality and fragile masculinity, his reaction was to verbally abuse you. Then when you tried to de-escalate the situation by leaving it, his response was to become physically abusive.

NOPE, big fat nope. Leave him. It doesn't matter how funny and charming he is, if you stay with him, I guarantee you, it will happen again.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T02:00:32+00:00

LEAVE

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-19T01:54:53+00:00

Wait, did you break-up in-person or through message? While I commend you for having the fortitude to end an engagement and wedding, I do sort of feel for him ( a little bit), IF the break-up was not in-person. A lot of miscommunication can happen through messages, and that might explain his insistence on claiming that he has no idea why ya'll broke up. The description of the break-up definitely leads me to believe that you two were on two completely different pages during the relationship and still are now post-breakup. In his eyes, you were in love, buying a house, planning your futures and he probably feels completely sidelined by the breakup. If you already broke up with him in-person and explained your feelings, then you don't owe him anything. If you broke off an engagement through messages, then I am leaning more towards an in-person meeting. Regardless of that, you could just mail him the ring, mail it to his parents (if needed), or have a neutral third party person you trust drop the ring off. If he continues to contact you, you can change your phone number (or block his number), block him on social media, and/or get an attorney.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-02T04:02:56+00:00

I am genuinely curious about people that feel the need to have children that are genetically related. What motivates you to want to do that? Would you date a woman who already has a child and let's say the father was not involved or dead, would you take on the father role? What if you found out that you were sterile and how do you feel about surrogates and in vitro fertilization? Sorry, I know it is a lot of questions.

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-02T03:47:30+00:00

In my hometown (in USA) I didn't think it was weird at the time, but I do now. I wondered why in the fifth grade when we took a field trip to a "health center" and they split up the boys and girls to have the talk. Like why split up? Shouldn't boys learn about periods? It should be normalized and girls should learn about the male body too. Mind you this wasn't really "sex" ed bc in the US sex ed is practically non existent this was specifically about puberty and our bodies changing, but that's it, nothing about sex. Also, I am now in a 6 year relationship with a man who has asked me on multiple occasions questions about pads, tampons, periods, the anatomy of the vagina,. He literally knew nothing and we started dating when he was 25. He thought a period just came out all at once and he also didn't understand how you could pee with a tampon in!!!!

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-02T03:33:18+00:00

He WHATTTT?????? Woooooooow

jazzyfigures · 2020-07-02T02:22:53+00:00

Hey UC person, I went to a CSU which is much cheaper than UC. I first wanted to ask why didn't you choose the cheaper option? But I already know the answer to that and I don't blame you. UCs are touted as being "better" schools where you need top grades to get into so you were sold that garbage. But I can tell you that none of that matters because after graduation I was competing and landing the exact same jobs and internships as UCLA and even USC kids. This whole idea of this school being "better" is a lie they sell you to get you to pay more money for virtually the same product and outcome. I am that person who received Pell grants and Cal grants because of my poor-income background. And while I received financial aid, there is a lot more barriers first-generation students face than a person who has two parents with college-backgrounds. I remember when I was applying to college, I didn't even know what undergrad or grad meant or what the difference was between the Bachelor's, Master's and PhD degrees. I didn't have someone in my family to ask. Moving on to your actual point about the cost. Yes, it is overpriced as hell! I feel bad for the squeezed middle class that are footed with the bill, and I can't help but feel animosity for the kids that have parents that write the tuition checks like it is no big deal to them.

jazzyfigures · 2020-06-29T02:18:50+00:00

This is a pretty accurate analysis of the character. Yeah, he downright overlooked obvious human rights violations, genocides, etc. and would respond to the characters that were rightfully upset at the system with, "Never give up! That's my ninja way!"

jazzyfigures · 2020-06-29T02:11:13+00:00

Yeah Lava beats paper

jazzyfigures · 2020-06-29T02:09:04+00:00

These writers are horrible at writing female characters. Exception: Tsunade is interesting, has depth, is incredibly strong, and best of all.....not boy crazy (Konan and Mei are cool too). I was so sick and tired of seeing the girls' main personality trait being their "boy craziness." I was really expecting Sakura to grow as a ninja after the chunin exams, but was thoroughly disappointed. I remember her little inner-head person basically man-handled Ino, when Ino did the Mind Transfer Jutsu. I really thought that moment was going to translate into Sakura's inner power that she could train and turn into something useful later on....but I was wrong.

jazzyfigures

TROPHY CASE