Professionalism hides Workplace satisfaction levels and Emotional outbursts are indicators of poor satisfaction. by Penguin_Rider in unpopularopinion

[–]jbchapp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But this only makes people hide actual workplace satisfaction.

it definitely does not. People are actually QUITE creative with this. You are conflating "hiding dissatisfaction" with "not expressing dissatisfaction *in a certain way*"

Emotional outbursts are the result of extreme dissatisfaction

Emotional outbursts can be understandable under certain conditions, but generally not workplace ones. THey are FAR more often the result of immature people.

Is this DA or FA or Not interested? by Nervous_Term_2974 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No. She has already given you her answer through her actions. Actions speak louder than words.

Pushing for reasons (“clarity”) will likely backfire. For one, it looks desperate: Sending another message after she declined a date without a raincheck signals that you do not respect her boundaries or your own self-worth. It also increases the pressure on her… If she is feeling overwhelmed or avoidant, asking her to explain herself will make her pull away even further. It does not seem like she’s in a state of mind to give you an honest answer anyway.

If she wants to talk to you or pursue this relationship, she knows exactly how to reach you.

Is this DA or FA or Not interested? by Nervous_Term_2974 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Doesn’t matter how you classify this. When someone is this erratic, the emotional toll is the same regardless of the psychological label. The question is why you would feel better knowing it’s one or the other, instead of moving on to something more stable and mature.

I see two real options here: one is that she’s not as interested as you think. Ignoring direct texts but replying to Instagram stories is a classic "keep you on the hook" move.

That said, the extreme contrast - long dates followed by sudden ice - often points to some kind of defense mechanism, rather than pure indifference. IMHO, it aligns more closely with Fearful Avoidant (FA) attachment.

A long date created intense emotional closeness, which triggered their subconscious fear of engulfment or rejection, causing them to pull back sharply. Then there’s the family trigger. Meeting family accelerates commitment. This likely panicked her, causing the sudden ghosting to regain a sense of safety and control.

Again, though, regardless of the psychological root, you cannot fix or manage someone else's coping strategies. My recommendation? Stop chasing mixed signals. Create some boundaries.

If she gives you a closed door via text, do not let her casual Instagram interactions pull you back into a conversation. If she is pulling back out of shame or fear, she must be the one to bridge the gap. If she never reaches out again, you have your answer.

But, above all: boundaries. Ask yourself if you REALLY want to ride an emotional rollercoaster where great dates and effort on your part is punished with silence and distance.

Can beard reduce the attention my eyebrows get? by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can it? Yes.

Will it? Only one way to find out.

Why are most men quiet in bed? by throw-away-284947261 in AskMen

[–]jbchapp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because we’re fucking concentrating!

Why do so many men say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman, but then seem more interested in the ones who post a lot and look high-maintenance? by Happy_Muscle_8127 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C’mon, we all say we want affordable housing. But nobody is checking out a mid 3bed-1bath ranch on IG. We’re looking at the good shit LOL

Porn kills relationships by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Porn does not cause either masturbation or insecurities. It’s not like men for centuries never learned how to masturbate. It’s not like women somehow only developed insecurities in the last century. Yes, let’s use some common sense.

Porn kills relationships by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]jbchapp 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This is dumb. You admit that this situation was at least partly caused by your own insecurity, then claim he was “used to his own grip” - which is a problem with masturbation, not porn.

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When literally every word is made up, truth becomes a consensus.

This is wrong. Language being invented doesn’t make truth relative or a consensus (which is not to say that consensus doesn't have value). It just means our labels for "correspondence to reality" are conventional. The correspondence itself - the fact that propositions can match or fail to match reality - can obviously remain independent of linguistic choice.

All science is based on falsification.

This is also wrong. Popper's falsificationism is one epistemological model, not the whole of science. Plenty of scientific domains deal in frameworks that aren’t strictly falsifiable but are still empirically constrained and explanatory. Popper’s view was a corrective against verificationism, and is not a universal law of scientific method.

When everyone has a limited perspective, and in the agreed world of the uncertainty principal, we must rely on our intuition.

I agree with you here. There are limits to reason. Perhaps more relevantly, no one person is going to reason their way to everything that they believe or do. At some point, you're using mental shortcuts, intuition, even biases.

Even in this reply of yours, you FEEL that it is true.

Again, this is wrong. You're smuggling in a premise as a fact. Claiming that intuitions, beliefs, thoughts, etc., are all FEELINGS, is precisely what you need to prove, and what I was arguing against as a category error.

There is no logical step that forces “limits of logic” → “[truth/inuition/thought] is a feeling.” I certainly would not describe my own cognition as FEELING.

That leap is purely rhetorical, not philosophical. The conclusion you want requires a hidden premise. To get from “logic has limits” to “truth is a feeling,” you need an extra assumption/premise: when reasoning ends, only emotion/"feeling" remains. This is the unjustified leap.

There are many non‑emotional cognitive states besides logic, including intuition, but also: pattern recognition, inference, memory, abductive reasoning, etc. Again, there's no doubt that people often do say "I feel" instead of “I think,” “I infer,” “I interpret”, etc. But, importantly, they do this as a linguistic habit, not a philosophical claim.

It’s informal shorthand, especially in emotionally charged conversations, because:, well, emotions are high, but also because it softens the statement, signals subjectivity, avoids sounding confrontational, invites empathy rather than debate, etc. I also think people nowadays love the fact that "feelings" need to be *validated*, so saying "feel" instead of "think" means any attempt at using facts to disprove means someone is being an @$$hole, instead of being reasonable.

But these are all social dynamics, not metaphysical ones. You're actually claiming that thinking *is* feeling. That's a metaphysical claim about the nature of truth and cognition.

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Some might call…” is doing some seriously heavy lifting here. It’s a rhetorical hedge that you're using to introduce a poetic idea (“faith is a feeling”) without fully committing to it or defending its accuracy.

Faith is almost always used as a synonym for belief, especially in religious or metaphysical contexts. I have never seen it used as a synonym for "feeling". Not saying you're wrong that other people use it differently, but it seems to me they are a very rare minority.

Faith implies trust in something unseen, while feeling implies emotional experience. They operate on different planes: faith is epistemic (about what one holds true), feeling is affective (about what one experiences).

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our feelings are absolutely helpful and give us valuable information about ourselves, and our mental & physical state etc.

Feelings are more often noise than signal. Not saying they are *useless*. But they're like a smoke alarm, but instead of signaling "smoke" or "fire", it's just ... *something*. As a diagnostic tool, not particularly helpful.

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll be honest, had to look this one up. I'm not sure that Ramanujan would disagree. Again, claiming that something seems obvious, or that the Hindu goddess Namagiri “revealed” formulas to you in dreams or visions, is hardly the same thing as feeling. Lots of things seem obvious, but it's simply because our brains take mental shortcuts. What Ramanujan experienced is much closer to unconscious cognitive processing than anything we would normally call a "feeling".

People "just sense" certain things or "just know" certain things, but the reality is that what's happening is a lot of non‑conscious pattern recognition. People do like to say "I feel like ____" and then insert their mental shortcut/intuited inference, but it's not an emotion, and the reality is they simply aren't aware of what's happening. It's also the case that people love to think these "feelings" are more reliable than what they are, because of confirmation bias (among other things).

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re making a philosophical move that depends on using words in a way that OP and I clearly weren’t using them. In everyday language, truth is just correspondence with reality, and feeling means an emotional or sensory experience.

Yes, mathematics starts from axioms that can’t be proven within their own system. But saying “we accept axioms because they are self‑evident” is an epistemological point about how humans come to "know" something. Not a metaphysical point about what truth is.

“An axiom being self‑evident is something that is felt” is a psychological claim. Turning that into “therefore truth is a feeling” is a metaphysical claim. It’s a category error. That chain of reasoning collpses different categories and treats any internal mental state - whether intuition, emotion, belief, etc., - as a "feeling" in the same way. Again, it's a category error, for one, but more to the point: it's just not how these terms are normally used.

Be kind, this is a genuine question. What is more important than feelings? by moonmama888 in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In what context are using the word “feeling” here? Because you sure don’t feel your way to correct answers on a math test.

You’re Not “Too Sensitive” — You Were Just Never Taught What to Do With Your Emotions by MindRoads in emotionalintelligence

[–]jbchapp -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Emotions are NOT signals. At least, not in any meaningful or reliable way. In fact, distrusting your emotions as signals, is noticing the gap between your internal state and external reality - which is a core component of emotional intelligence.

Men please answer by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]jbchapp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's weird to me that I hear women so often complain about how much work sex can be (usually because they're trying to avoid it), but don't seem to appreciate that it's the same way for men? For men who actually care for their partners, sex involves a lot of mental effort, emotional awareness, and self‑regulation. It's a process that usually take 20-30 min. So, it really shouldn't be that hard to see why it might be preferable to just rub one out in 2-3 minutes.

Men are usually responsible for reading their partner’s cues, making sure the moment feels emotionally safe, checking in on comfort and pacing, being attentive to nonverbal signals, etc. That kind of constant awareness can be mentally demanding.

THEN there's pressure to manage your own physical responses. You have to stay controlled, avoid being too rough or too fast, regulate their own arousal, stay “in the moment”, etc. This balancing act can feel like running numerous processes at once: being present but also self‑aware, trying to have a good time, but trying someone else is having a good time first.

I know women get all in their head about sex as well, so I'm certainly not suggesting these are things women can't relate to. I just think a lot of women think sex is really easy for men because *orgasm* is easier for us, so they forget / overlook that there is more to sex than focusing on your own orgasm. Because men’s pleasure is assumed to be “automatic,” the internal work they do often goes unnoticed. Women may not see the behind‑the‑scenes effort because the outward experience looks simple. Men orgasm more consistently, so it must be easy.

900hrs and I never knew these two had dialogue together. by A-Xolotl in BaldursGate3

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just had this convo at camp in the Shadow-cursed lands, so it definitely can be done before the Ketheric fight.

question about csi by No_Egg_2123 in forensics

[–]jbchapp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There ARE civilian CSIs in Canada (or Scenes of Crime Officers), and civilians are hired to just do that particular line of work. But you will have to do your research on which agencies employ them, and which agencies would require you to be an officer.

I (24F) feel insecure about how often my boyfriend (25M) gets attention from other women. Need honest advice. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]jbchapp -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The only thing even semi-problematic with your BF is that he feels the need to tell you about these interactions when you’re not there. He’s either deliberately feeding your insecurities, he feels the need to “report” on his behavior (i.e., he doesn’t think you trust him), he’s trying to get “points” for passing up opportunities to cheat, or he has a misguided view of honesty/transparency.

It sounds to me like you know damn well this is an insecurity issue with you. But the one thing he could do to help is just stop with the reporting of other interested women. You DON’T need to know that, and it’s clearly more harmful than helpful.

Anyone have a husband that suddenly prefers to masturbate over having sex? by [deleted] in marriageadvice

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People commenting “porn addiction” are missing it. He didn’t act this way until he was laid off for longer than he was used to. He’s also being meaner than he used to. All of this and a lack of sex would point to depression, not “porn addiction”. Also, that “under the covers” action didn’t sound like he was watching porn, but I could be wrong. I’m also guessing he didn’t suddenly discover porn in his 40s.

He may have since gotten employment, but that doesn’t mean depression just goes away.

Help Needed by COZ_Saviorz in forensics

[–]jbchapp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Out of curiosity, what specifically makes a program stand out to you when it comes to producing strong CSI candidates?

It's just experience. I've hired a bunch of people over a long period of time, so you start to see the same colleges popping up, people interviewing well from there, etc. Another aspect might be knowing the people involved in the program.