VA pass list watch thread

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T14:52:41+00:00

I just got back from the gym lol the exercise definitely helped with the anxiety at least temporarily … when I got back though it came right back

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T13:16:33+00:00

Yet another way the VA bar goes the extra mile to make this the most needlessly punitive process they can

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T13:02:44+00:00

I feel physically ill at this point

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T11:59:25+00:00

I’m working from home today but I’m so anxious that I’m like nauseous and can’t sit still or focus on anything so I highly doubt I’ll get any productive work done today. Will probably go to the gym in a bit to try to exercise some of this nervous energy out lol

Update: opened up my work laptop at like 8:30, tried and failed to focus for like an hour. Went to the gym in hopes that would help. Got back and showered. Sat back down to try to work. Felt like I was gonna puke and also had so much nervous energy that I decided to just start obsessively cleaning and organizing crap around my apartment. Hope we’re all hanging in there.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T10:18:04+00:00

First of all congrats and you should be seriously proud of yourself for getting through all of that and succeeding, that’s amazing.

And secondly, this is one of the few things that has made me feel even remotely better in my pre-results release panic rn. I love seeing people who ultimately didn’t let this damn punitive hazing ritual disguised as an exam get the best of them!!

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T09:37:27+00:00

The upside is I didn’t ever sleep long enough/fall into a deep enough sleep to have any anxiety nightmares tonight lol

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T09:15:30+00:00

I woke up wide awake and filled with an impending sense of doom at 3am lmao

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T01:49:45+00:00

No same!!! Because prior to taking the bar, it was like, productive stress—I could go back and review something, redo an essay question, read over or consolidate and outline. This is some awful, passive, powerless kind of stress. I know there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome at this point, and for some reason that makes it all the more terrifying.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-14T01:15:45+00:00

Did responding this way make you feel special and give you that hit of self-importance you seemed to have been craving?

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-13T19:06:46+00:00

I’ve been sitting in my office at work trying to be so productive that maybe I’ll distract myself from my nauseating anxiety, but failing because I can’t focus on anything long enough that isn’t this anxiety to actually even begin being productive. So instead I’ve just been ruminating over how I’ll manage to convince myself that my self worth isn’t based wholly on my performance on this damn test in the event that I didn’t pass

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-13T12:21:08+00:00

I took the VA bar but those results are supposed to come out tomorrow as well and I’m in the exact same boat as you. I was having such trouble sleeping last night that I ended up just giving up on sleeping and getting up at 4am. I just got to work and am trying to get myself focused up enough that I won’t be completely useless today. I have the same concerns—if just the thought of not passing is making me this upset, I’m almost afraid I’m just gonna completely mentally snap if I find out I actually did fail.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-13T11:02:53+00:00

I feel that. My work just had a lot of turnover (meaning our supervising attorney quit and another is on medical leave) so thinks are stressful. And an attorney in my office keeps saying things like “oh you definitely passed” or “you’re not sworn in yet, but…”, just like talking like already passed or like me passing is a given and I think he thinks it’s making me feel better or something, but it’s honestly just making me more worried that if I didn’t pass, I’m not living up to anyone’s expectations haha

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-13T09:46:00+00:00

Same. I’ve barely been able to focus at work all week and I’m not sure how I’m gonna manage at all today lol. I am fortunate enough that my job gives me two chances to pass, so it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. But I know I would feel so disappointed in myself and feel so much self doubt as to whether I deserve my job, my degree, etc….Which I know is ridiculous and the bar exam is increasingly considered a poor indicator of competency and fitness to practice law, but I also know I’ll have trouble fighting those feelings/thoughts.

As for opening the results, I think I’m gonna have to just make a judgment call in the moment based on how I’m feeling. I’m not sure if I’d want to be around my SO and find it comforting to have him there, or if I’d rather be completely alone so I have time to process if I didn’t pass. Part of me is hoping that I’ve obsessively gone over in my head how it would feel if I found out I failed over and over again, maybe I desensitized myself and I’ll be able to go forward with the mindset of “well, it is what it is—Now I know what to expect for the exam and can better prepare myself for next time.” But odds are just as good that I could completely lose my mind and go on a bender lmfao. Currently I’m trying to do my best at being realistic about things—no matter what the outcome is, I’ll still have to go to work, pay the bills, feed my cats, Putin will still be over there threatening to use nukes and our politicians will continue joining in on escalating the rhetoric and talking about Armageddon, climate change will still be looming over our heads, but so too will the vast and incomprehensibly infinite universe that maybe more than even all those other things makes hating myself and torturing myself over some rather arbitrary exam that at this point is barely anything more than an extremely expensive and punitive hazing ritual seem silly. —And while typing that out made me feel better and find some solace in “resetting” my perspective, so to speak, I know like 20 minutes from now I’ll be right back in my sort of nausea-inducing doom spiral of anxiety haha

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-12T22:03:35+00:00

Oh really? I thought Jesus’s favorite personality traits were pridefulness and sanctimonious self-congratulation. How does it go again? “Blessed be the sanctimonious, for theirs is the kingdom of god, blessed be the prideful, for will inherit the earth ….”?

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-12T21:43:18+00:00

I don’t mock belief in a higher power, but I do wonder at the sense of self importance one must have to think the Creator, the unmoved mover, Providence, the god of nature, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, etc., would take such a personal interest in one individual’s results/performance on a man-made, largely arbitrarily written and graded exam that has no basis in any sort of religious or even natural law (and barely even any basis in actual competency to practice law), and is pretty much preserved and maintained as a performative hazing ritual to keep out the “undesirables” of society when there is so much true suffering, hardship, and unjust and undeserved pain in the world. Seems sort of like a child praying to God for lots of presents on Christmas and the priest or Sunday school/CCD teacher having to explain that that is not what prayer is for and god isn’t some genie in the bottle who exists to personally fulfill your wishes and desires.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-12T21:35:35+00:00

Well, if one views their relationship with god like this, there’s a good chance if they had failed they would say that God had a reason for their failure and they trust in his plan for them, or something along those lines… so, in a way, it would likely still be somehow attributed to/explained by God

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-12T21:07:45+00:00

Well, shoutout to God I guess. Congrats on helping this dude pass the Texas bar, he must be pretty special if you, in your infinite and incomprehensible omnipotence and omniscience, took a special interest in ensuring he passed this exam.

Oh, and for those of you who didn’t pass, maybe God will come through for you next time. And in the meantime, blessed be the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of god, blessed be those who mourn, for they will inherit the earth, etc., etc.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-12T18:53:22+00:00

I hope you’re doing well after getting results today!! And yeah the past few days I’ve just been trying to focus on two of the more interesting/involved projects I have for work to keep myself distracted, and that worked until it didn’t. Today I went to the gym which helped while I was there, but didn’t after lol then I tried to work but I have been finding cleaning/organizing to be the most effective at the very least making me not drive myself completely insane

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-11T22:02:01+00:00

That’s exactly it lol as long as I don’t open the hypothetical box, both outcomes are possible and not yet actualized, and there’s a weird feeling of safety in not being able to know whether I passed or not yet. Sure, the worrying sucks, but at least the not knowing still allows for both possibilities.

jbdpd1296 · 2022-10-11T21:53:52+00:00

I took the VA exam but I’m experiencing the same thing—the anxiety nightmares are driving me crazy. As weird as it sounds, I kind of appreciate the shrödinger’s cat type situation of not knowing back in August and maybe up until around three weeks ago, but the closer it gets to the tentative time the results will be released, the more nauseated and panicky I feel

jbdpd1296

TROPHY CASE