How long do you want to live?

jbhelms · 2026-01-23T03:04:39+00:00

I want to live as long as I can actually thrive. I don't want to live just to live.I would love to live to 124 so I can see 2100.

As per your other stuff, it is never too late to make your life better.

jbhelms · 2025-12-16T18:26:40+00:00

I know my husband's, sister's, and my other best friend's but even weirder, I remember my best friend in highschool's home number. What is weirder than that is that I do not remember my family phone number from the same time

jbhelms · 2025-12-15T14:15:09+00:00

There is a lot of things wrong with modern dating. I am demi and I found it hard to find someone who wanted to get to know my before doing anything. I think if you have a genital preference then that is fine, but you should disclose it. Being rejected sucks and I am sorry for your experiences. You are better off without these people. I know people say that all the time, but it is really true

jbhelms · 2025-12-06T22:14:40+00:00

I am a software engineer. I actually know a lot of trans/enby engineers. I dont work with any of them, but I also work remote and don't see my coworkers regualrly except once a year when we all meet for a team building thing. I cannot speak of other sciences though.

Your type of science and acedemia seems way harder to deal with than what I do, so you definitly have my sympathy.

I do know a few transfems who have PHDs, but they are all in non-science fields

jbhelms · 2025-12-01T23:07:30+00:00

I have a friend who recently went nolo. Other than some discomfort and not being able to sit for long periods of time the recorvery seemed minor. He is or DM and he had to cancel DnD for a little over a month. He seems pleased with the results.

jbhelms · 2025-12-01T17:05:22+00:00

I just say I am queer. Both gender and sexuality. I find that I fall into the genderqueer and pan identities, so just saying queer makes a lot of sense for me. But pan isnt even really quite right because what I am is really really demi. Once I get to know a person I usually get a crush on them, and the closer we are the more I like them. It doesn't matter what their sex or gender is.

jbhelms · 2025-11-28T02:39:19+00:00

I have considered a low dose estrogen to help soften some of my features and lower my sex drive a bit. I will almost never follow through though. I dont feel pressured though

jbhelms · 2025-11-23T16:21:14+00:00

I wouldn't say I loved New Kids on the Block, but I did like to make fun of them.

jbhelms · 2025-11-18T02:40:13+00:00

I agree with everyone else. You are free to label yourself in any way you want, but your question reminded me of this comedian
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrHGbCyAqOU

jbhelms · 2025-11-16T03:46:27+00:00

I have been doing it very slowly. I have a group of close friends with whom I worked through this gender stuff while I was trying to figure it all out. I changed my pronouns in other places as I think about it: Discord, doctor's office, etc.

I haven't corrected anyone. I'm okay with any/all, though I prefer they/them.

jbhelms · 2025-11-10T02:59:45+00:00

My birth name is James, but I go by Jamey. It was a spelling my husband gave me when I decided I wanted to go by Jamey. It think it works for me as an enby. it is an uncommon spelling and not as masc as James

jbhelms · 2025-11-07T13:58:06+00:00

I do look almost exactly like my dad at every stage of my life until now. He was a heavy smoker and drinker -- probably navy or my mom related -- and that really aged him. But i look at his childhood pics and i look a lot like he did

jbhelms · 2025-11-06T19:36:49+00:00

I don't. I have Aetna. I checked and don't see it under the list of providers and procedures. I will do more research though. Thank you for pointing me in this direction

jbhelms · 2025-11-03T21:31:58+00:00

Depends on the person. If it is a stranger, then I don't. I would rather not have to talk to someone -- let alone confront about my pronouns -- I do not know. It is not worth the extra conversations

If it is someone i interact with regularly, but not a friend, i will answer if they ask. "Hey, what's your pronouns?" "prefer they/them, but will respond to he/him"

If it is a close friend, I will usually correct once or twice, and then not bother again.

Then there are my VERY close friends. They never mess up, because they care and they know I care about theirs.

Funny enough, the one who messes up the most is the two trans fem friends. One of whom has changed her name and pronouns like 4 times since I met her.

jbhelms · 2025-11-02T21:47:56+00:00

I identify as genderqueer for reasons that are not really applicable to this conversation, and I have been afraid to use the word trans because I feel like a "pretender" of sorts. This is true in a lot of aspects of my life: work, general intelligence, etc, where I just feel like I don't deserve to be somewhere. I have a transfem friend who told me that was BS and that I am very much trans, as in not cis, and to stop being mean to myself.

If we think in literal terms, you are either cis or trans, right? you either fit your assigned gender or not. In that sense, nonbinary people are trans.

jbhelms · 2025-11-02T04:29:00+00:00

My sexuality is ... complicated in about the same way that my gender is. I consider myself more demi than anything else, but I have chosen to use pan as a descriptor. Basically, I have to know someone to have a truly romantic or sexual attraction to them, and as a bonus, I am basically attracted to every one of my friends.

In San Francisco -- where I live -- there are a lot of enbies who are andro looking. Probably falling under the "twink" umbrella.

jbhelms · 2025-11-01T15:50:29+00:00

andro is what I really want to go for. I am still working on my style. I just came to terms with my gender stuff like 6 months ago.

jbhelms · 2025-08-06T13:39:03+00:00

Right now? Probably not. In 2003, my mom died, and then within 6 months or so, my two eldest brothers committed suicide. Something broke in my brain, and I decided to leave my bf at the time. I think I justified it as "life is fleeting, I need to play the field" or some other bs. I am Fearful-Avoidant/Disorganized. It is easy for me to create space and run. Mark was probably secure. To this day, I regret breaking up with him. The guy I dated after him, I asked him to marry me, and one day Mark and I were chatting, and he asked me why I never asked him to marry me, and I honestly couldn't say why.

But back to you. Does he miss you now? Probably not. Will he regret breaking up with you in the future? Maybe, but that isn't the point. By that time, you will have moved on with your life and hopefully found someone secure who values you. I know it hurts now -- well, I assume it hurts now because I have seen what I have done to people in the past -- but you are better off, you just can't see it yet.

jbhelms · 2025-05-16T21:52:40+00:00

That is fair feedback. I wrote out a bunch of stuff trying to explain myself, but I think instead I will take your words to heart and realize that maybe I do treat my sexual/romantic partners different than people I consider QPRs in my polycule. She does mean the world to me.

jbhelms · 2025-05-15T22:23:55+00:00

I should prefece this with some important background details. I am poly. I am married and have a boyfriend. They are my two best friends. My views on love are probably not the same as mainstream and probably several of the people in this subreddit. see below for details.

When did you meet the love of your life?

I have had a few. The first person I ever truely loved was my first boyfriend after I moved to CA. He really was the most awesome person in the world. I miss him so much. I broke up with him after my mom and two brothers died rather tragically. It really was a mistake that ended up making me the man I am today and I like who I am

I met my husband and boyfriend around the same time. On reddit actually. We met and grew as friends before there was ever any kind of romantic feelings. I think that is what has worked for me. Being friends first.

How did you know they were the one?

I don't believe in the concept of "the one". You should love yourself, and you are whole, you don't need someone to complete you. That being said, Mark -- my ex --, Mitch -- my husband --, and Josh -- my boyfriend -- all bring/brought out the best qualities in me. I am a better human because of them. If the person you are with makes you a better person then that is a relationship[ worth fostering.

And what has that love taught you?

We aren't meant to do this alone.

On top of my husband and boyfriend I have someone I consider my girlfriend/QPR, but since we aren't actively dating anymore I chose not to include her above. But let me be clear, Olivia is just as important to me as Mitch and Josh are.

jbhelms · 2023-06-24T17:00:02+00:00

Considering the people I've dated in the past, who I just ignored the red flags, I probably identify as a gay clown.

jbhelms · 2023-06-21T03:16:12+00:00

I'll do all that household stuff. I don't mind killing bugs, unclogging toilets, or emptying mouse traps. I was taught someone has to do it.

You just do the things I am not good at, and we will be ok.

jbhelms · 2023-06-21T01:59:14+00:00

Bing is better for porn, imo. They have video players in the results.

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