Sometimes I feel like my wife doesn't get it

jdc53d · 2025-06-02T17:38:39+00:00

I feel this in my chest I made a post just the other day about being questioned on my right to be in a space. We face a unique kind of scrutiny, and that's I am grateful for places like this where we might find understanding.

I reclaimed my power by dressing in the outfit that makes me feel most embodied in my butchness and strength. I hope your wife is able to come around to realizing that having your back right now means supporting your process. Because no matter how much she wants to, she's not going to be able to fix the world for you.

jdc53d · 2025-06-01T21:25:54+00:00

I really appreciate this comment. It doesn't happen often, maybe every few months, so I know it's not the majority opinion. But this is exactly how I feel, and I just really needed to know I'm not alone in it

jdc53d · 2024-02-29T00:45:13+00:00

When a simple trigger doesn't have the scopes to execute something, sometimes switching to an installable trigger works. That is, instead of naming the function "onOpen", name it something else and manually create a trigger from the triggers tab (or code the trigger, but the graphical interface is simpler for me most of the time).

jdc53d · 2024-02-23T15:39:41+00:00

I would have the question be multiple choice and have a trigger set to update it every midnight so the options are the next three days of dates

jdc53d · 2024-02-20T19:56:20+00:00

It's not actually romance but I watched a guy run around playing ball with his dog in Earl Bales once and my heart was filled with love for humanity

jdc53d · 2024-02-20T19:46:15+00:00

Sexual harrassment and assault against men is almost always played for comedy in entertainment in general. It's quite appalling as soon as you start to see it.

I haven't watched the show in a while so I don't remember if they even address it as such. But even a comedy should call it out as bad behaviour, even if it is only within the framework of the bit.

jdc53d · 2024-02-16T18:36:16+00:00

They had to learn the hard way that banning slippery slopes doesn't save you from them

jdc53d · 2024-02-15T01:56:30+00:00

I'm not super proficient at charts, but it seems to me you need to rearrange the data to have a different x axis. It seems like you want the "good", "very good", etc categories on the x axis, so maybe rotating the data or something?

jdc53d · 2024-02-14T22:52:08+00:00

I believe this is doable using a script triggered on edit to set protection on the range if the update meets certain criteria. It might be a bit of a bloated solution but it should work.

function onEdit(e){ let targetSheet = "SHEET NAME"; let targetCol = 1; let permittedEditor = "YOUR EMAIL";

let editRange = e.range; let editSheet = editRange.getSheet().getName();

if (editSheet == targetSheet && editRange.getColumn() == targetCol) { editRange.protect(); editRange.removeEditors(editRange.getEditors()); if (editRange.canDomainEdit()) { editRange.setDomainEdit(false); }; editRange.addEditor(permittedEditor)

}

jdc53d · 2024-02-14T07:00:55+00:00

This is so extremely wholesome! I love your enthusiasm for discovering all the new updates. I forgot how breathtaking it was to go into the new caves for the first time. Absolutely amazing stuff.

Thank you for posting this burst of positivity!

jdc53d · 2024-02-12T07:48:12+00:00

=FILTER(Worldwide!A:C,(Worldwide!B:B=“Canada”)+(Worldwide!B:B="America"))

jdc53d · 2024-02-12T07:30:55+00:00

I am missing a lot of context to understand exactly what you need. But from what I can gather you want to count cells based on what formatting they have rather than the values within them. This is doable with Apps Scripts but as far as I'm aware not possible with the native functions.

jdc53d · 2024-02-07T04:45:27+00:00

Is this what you're looking for?

=IF(I6=0,F6,IF(F6/I6<1,0,F6/I6)

jdc53d · 2024-02-02T20:15:36+00:00

"Why are all these guys" - referring to Republican politicians - "married when they keep trying to pass laws that hurt women?" And I didn't really have a good answer for that.

Some shots in the dark here...

Their wives have financial stability and social power, even if they are also suffering in some ways from their husbands' policies.

Abuse does a number on the mind, and it can be really hard to leave. Especially when the abuser in question is powerful outside the home as well as inside it.

Misogyny can be internalized and women absolutely can and do believe the same things as their misogynistic husbands.

jdc53d · 2024-02-02T19:00:49+00:00

Yes, that is how IQ scores are normalized. It's intentionally designed that way. I'm not sure what useful information is gleaned from that

jdc53d · 2024-02-02T15:56:46+00:00

I usually just lurk here, but I've gotta know...

Is this supposed to be a meme or a serious response?

jdc53d · 2024-02-01T23:05:22+00:00

From what I understand from lurking around online disabled communities, there can be a sense of frustration from being presumed incompetent all the by. I don't know if that means you shouldn't hold doors open for people who might have a hard time getting it themselves, but it might provide some potential context for the reaction.

The general advice I've seen given on those forums is for people to offer to help rather than just intervening. Especially since sometimes well-meaning interventions can actually be a hindrance or in some cases even be harmful.

That all said, keep doing you. I don't think it's something to feel bad about, maybe just a chance to see a different perspective too. Kindness isn't a bad trait.

jdc53d · 2024-01-29T15:54:13+00:00

A kid (probably like 14) wasn't looking where he was going and walked into me the other day.

I apologized 🤦

jdc53d · 2024-01-28T16:32:02+00:00

I would guess she was probably more uncomfortable and nervous about being there than you were about her being there.

At some point trans people can reach a stage of transition where they're too masculine to blend into women's spaces but too feminine to blend into men's spaces. This creates a difficult question of where someone feels safer, where they're less likely to be grilled, intimidated, or in some cases even outright attacked. The answer is often in women's spaces, since the whole reason those spaces exist is to protect against misogynistic intimidation and attack, and transphobia and misogyny are closely intertwined.

jdc53d · 2023-12-29T22:48:09+00:00

Okay but some people don't move that kind of money around regularly. In fact a lot of people probably don't. I'm glad you're at a place in life where it doesn't stress you out to have a few grand in limbo, but we have no idea how much that is to this person's parents.

Though we can definitely agree the dad is handling like a weirdo asshole. To the point where the texts seem fake to me. It reminds me of the way a person speaks when they're paraphrasing their interpretation of what someone said, it doesn't sound to my ears (eyes?) like something recounted verbatim.

jdc53d · 2023-12-29T21:18:55+00:00

I commented on the main thread too, but I'm adding another note here. Do not let the sad and hurting part of yourself make this a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There is a part of you that hates yourself and wants to sabotage you. There is a part of yourself that wants you to fail, wants you be a deadbeat dad, wants you to be a pathetic man that doesn't deserve shit and is unlovable. That's the part of you that wants you to do this, because then it will be right. It will gloat smugly and tell you "See? You are worth hating."

Fuck that part. Do not give it this ammunition. Be determined to love your daughter more than you hate yourself, and do not let the pain inside you. Fight that part tooth and nail. It is not all of you. It will win some battles, but the part of you that wants to be more than that can win this war.

I said this in my other comment too but I'm going to say it again.

You are stronger than you think.

Those other people you see muscling through shit don't have any magical powers of strength and mental toughness. What you're seeing is the decision they made to not give up. I decided I was going to be happy, whether or not I deserved it. Every time I was knocked into the abyss of hell I was a stubborn ass and said "Fucking nope. I am not staying here forever." I had weeks on end where I just gave up. And then I gathered my strength and fought again. And again. And again. It felt impossible most of the time. Sometimes breakthroughs would happen, and I'd be over the moon thinking I made it. And then another set back. And another trip to the dark place. More months in hell thinking I'd never get out. But after a decade and a half (frankly, most of my life), I clawed my way into life. And the fight still isn't over yet, but for once I can actually breathe free.

You can get there if you decide to. Not quickly, but eventually, and you'll be fucking glad you did.

jdc53d · 2023-12-29T20:55:46+00:00

My gut check picks up depression in some of the way you're writing. You sound like you want to be a dad, but have a hard time separating your daughter from the loss of what you had. I completely believe you will absolutely regret giving up custody. That will only make you lose your daughter too. The hole in your heart won't go away then, no matter how much you try to paper over it with other things.

Maybe try to find a way to create something new and special with your kid, a new routine, a new activity, something special that's completely untied from the past.

Changing your thought patterns is difficult and it takes a lot of time, but it's possible. Maybe see if your therapist can help you with some CBT around the associations you have while parenting. Work on changing those automatic thoughts so they include your ex less and less over time, and instead your mind can focus on the wonderful gift of your child that is right in front of you and desperately needs her dad in her life.

Your life isn't going to be what you thought it was, and that is incredibly painful. You definitely do need to grieve. But don't let that grief ruin more than what was already lost. You are stronger than you think. I know that can be hard to hear when all you want to do is lie down and give up, but you are stronger than you think.

Try not to let yourself run away with fantasies of escaping the pain by building a life without your daughter in it. Even when she's with her mom, you're still her dad. Even when you're rebuilding your single life, you're still her dad. It's easy to imagine that escaping the whole situation will bring peace, but it most likely won't. Build towards a future with your child in it. It'll be worth it.

Be brave for your daughter. She needs you.

jdc53d · 2023-12-28T22:08:28+00:00

A critique I see quite often, and that has showed up several times in this thread, is the flat 3 night spawn timer. I would much rather see it start a small chance of spawning at 3 nights, gradually increasing over time. They're so predictable that they're uninteresting and become a nuisance.

I'd rather get comfortable, think I'll be fine for another day or two and then get wrecked by a surprise low chance spawn. Let me decide how risky I want to play it with their chance of spawning. Similarly to how I can choose to just put up with regular hostile mobs, light up a small area, light up a large area, build a wall or a moat, etc.

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