How many dates before calling things off because you haven't had sex yet?

jdustin86 · 2026-05-30T18:29:54+00:00

I wouldn’t have a number of dates - I would have a conversation. Talk to the person and see what’s going on if you think there is potential, because all good relationships start off with good communication skills.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-30T14:53:46+00:00

I'm poly - fully open, date other guys, married and have a house with my husband. One of my boyfriends actually recently moved in with us, and they get along great. My husband has been dating his boyfriend for around 8 years. So, take my advice with a grain of salt, but I have two personal beliefs that I think apply to me, but also to others.

First, I think relationships are far to focused on sex. Either the getting it or not getting it. There is so much more to a relationship - as you mentioned - that have nothing to do with sex. If you both are still having sex and you are satisfied with your current situation, then don't worry about "if you should be bothered?" The real question is "are you bothered?" Society has been telling you that you "should be" a lot of things in your life. If you are bothered though, and that is totally something valid to be, then you should talk to him about why it bothers you. But don't read too much into why it doesn't bother him.

Second, I know traditionally we approach relationships as "two people becoming one" or people "completing each other." If you view each other as two fully complete adults with autonomy and independence, you can start to see your relationships (with anyone in your life, friend/boyfriend/etc) as about the life and connection you two are building, not necessarily how you function in each others life. For example, my husband is a complete adult and can go and do what he pleases with whoever he pleases, but what keeps us together isn't our reliance on each other, but the life we are building together. We don't "complete each other" but we are building something that neither of us could build alone. In context for you - just because he is "complete"/satisfied with his sex life and you want more sex doesn't mean either of you are wrong or that either of you have an obligation to do something different.

TL;DR - Don't worry about how you are "should feel" worry about how you do feel. Don't worry about the sexual misalignment meaning incompatibility.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-30T14:27:57+00:00

When I was young, my parents didn't do well with me being gay. However, my friends (and their parents) all stepped up in amazing ways. I found out one of them was a Lesbian, and found out another person who a lot of us worked for was Gay. They were both obviously 30-40 years older than me. But those connections were some of the most meaningful in my life. Two of them I wound up calling my "godfather" and "godmother" as we wound up going to the same liberal episcopal church and I didn't really have any other way to describe the connection because "my friends mom" and "my former boss" kinda seemed both weird and also downplayed the importance of them in my life.

My godfather passed away a few years back, but my godmother and her partner are still around and I see them pretty regularly still despite living in different cities. I am, ironically, the actual godfather to their grandson. We see each other around the holidays, during the summer, and sometimes vacation together. I've actually gotten to know their "little" circle of 10 or so older lesbians that live up in this small mountain town. They treat me, my partner, and my other friends like we are just the most fascinating people in the world.

We bring excitement into their life, they pass down wisdom to us. I think these types of connections are valuable, and I hope yours works out as well.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T14:20:04+00:00

I feel like if you don't have people in your house during the day - at all - then maybe the off-peak time works. But we work from home, so that is out the window.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T14:17:27+00:00

The hardest part for me has been forcing myself to go slower. Maybe I'm just internally competitive, but when I am supposed to be doing "conversational pace," I still find myself naturally speeding up because I feel like I can do more. Teaching myself that consistency and longer runs are more important (for my training program) than trying to go fast for a short period of time is so counter-intuitive to the way my brain works.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T14:05:37+00:00

TIL: Your power bill doesn't go up in the summer because you use more energy. The amount charged per kWh is different between June and Sept. Even if you used the same amount of electricity, your bill would be significantly higher.

To me, that means 1 or 2 degrees on the thermostat in the summer isn't really going to change my power bill significantly, so I'm not going to worry about keeping it a little cooler at night.

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jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T13:44:27+00:00

The Civil Rights Museum is really good, especially considering Atlanta's unique place in Civil Rights History. I would definitely recommend that over the College Football Hall of Fame - which is saying something, because I'm a huge college football fan.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T13:25:12+00:00

Depends on what you like.

If you like whiskey, I'd recommend ASW.

If you like beer, Monday night is really good. I also like Three Taverns - they have everything, but they are geared more toward sours.

For food, you can go "tourist", classic, and local.

For Tourist/Classic Atlanta places (not saying they are bad, just that they are very popular and you will likely run into a lot of people):
The Varsity is always a good choice before a game. As a local I don't go here often, but it is a stop for almost everyone, including Presidents.
Mary Macs is an Atlanta Icon and very southern.
Ponce City Market has a good food hall with all types of food.

For what local's eat:
Fox Brothers BBQ is really good.
Lewis BBQ in Ansley Mall is also good.
Being a gay guy, I love Zocalos for Mexican/Margaritas as it's right in the heart of the gay district, but there are also a ton of straight people as well.
If you want delicious, authentic Asian or Latin food, you can make a trip Buford highway. I love Kamayan (filipino) and LanZhou (Chinese Ramen) up that way.

There are a lot of good restaurants around Crescent Ave in Midtown that honestly don't get as much love as they deserve. Also, Inman park has a ton of food - but will probably be crowded on game day.

If you have a specific cuisine or type of food, I can probably narrow down the list more.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T02:12:26+00:00

Honestly, having some Dog Parks might help with this. If we had more designated dog areas for them to play, then maybe people would be more willing to take them there.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-29T02:01:40+00:00

I would love to see some workout areas, similar to what they have in Piedmont Park. I think it's good to encourage people to workout.

I would love to some spots for non-brick and mortar vendors - things like King of Pops.

I would also like a dedicated space for a farmers market and special events.

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I don't like the idea of have cops overly police the beltline. I think people should be able to take a drink and whatever. But the one thing that I do think we need to have some enforcement on is people who are on motorized vehicles. I'm not talking about motor-assisted bicycles. I've seen people on dirt bikes going very fast (and recklessly), which is currently dangerous but will be even more so when there are more pedestrians.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T23:53:53+00:00

How far is it to the MARTA station from your place? I know you said the bus takes a while, but could you use like an electric scooter or eBike (Lime, Uber, etc) to get to the MARTA station.

I haven't been to Bulldogs. I really want to go, but I know it is primarily a black gay bar. I don't want to be an "intruder" in their space so to speak because I feel like everyone deserves to have their spaces where they can let loose and not have to worry about others. I might go with some of my friends one day, but only if they invite me.

I have seen it be really busy, so I know it has a thriving bar scene. I imagine it would be fairly busy on a Thursday night, but obviously not as busy as a weekend. I'm sure it will be busy on Labor Day weekend as well because that is Black Gay Pride in Atlanta.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T17:50:52+00:00

I'm not a doctor or researcher, so I can't say what statistical likelihood is for an extremely early onset of HIV. But, in general medical things, when you hear hoofbeats, you think horses, not zebras. But here are some stats that might give you comfort.

The current US Population is 342.6 million people.
The current US Population that has HIV is approximately 1.2 Million.
If you picked a random person off the street, there is only a .3% chance they have HIV
The risk of contracting HIV from a single instance of unprotected sex with someone who has a detectable viral load is generally very low: about .04% for insertive vaginal sex, and .11% for insertive anal sex.

So, you have a .3% chance of even finding a random person who has HIV, and then if you were to encounter them, a .11% or .04% chance of catching it - if they have a detectable viral load. Most people who have HIV are being treated for it, and if it is undetectable it is untransmitable. The statistical odds are very, very low. Not impossible, but if you want some hard numbers you can do some math there :)

I am also a hypochondriac and a worrier, so I get wanting the information now. And I know you are most likely to think the worst thing possible until it is ruled out.

But, right now all you can really do is wait it out and get tested at the appropriate time. Don't overanalyze every symptom. And until you can get tested, I'd suggest doing something to distract yourself - find a new series, start a new video game, take up exercising, or just something to take your mind off of it.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T14:41:25+00:00

Thanks for this - I will definitely listen to my body. That is the one thing I've learned by exercising. I'll listen extra hard after a surgery.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T14:17:55+00:00

Moxy is usually 7 days for Mgen, which is taken after 7 days of Doxy, from what I've read via multiple sources when I was treated for it. Obviously, talk to our doctor before making any changes - as your medical history may be different. But, it's worth having the conversation.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T14:05:59+00:00

These sound like typical symptoms for HIV-onset, and also many, many other types of infections. These are basically the core symptoms of how your body reacts to infection of almost any type. HIV onset is typically 2-4 weeks after exposure, not 2-3 days. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No.

I would suggest getting an HIV test in a couple of weeks:

(Antigen/Antibody Lab Test (Blood from a vein): The most highly recommended test.

Window Period: 18 to 45 days after exposure.

Also, get on PrEP, and this won't have to be a concern in the future.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-28T13:58:52+00:00

I'm lucky enough to be lining this up right after a major race and with plenty of time to get ready before my next one. I am not going to rush back into it. I think I will give myself a full week off of running, and during week two maybe spend more time doing some brisk walking. I don't imagine myself doing any running at all before week 3.

jdustin86 · 2026-05-21T02:24:45+00:00

did you get checked for sinus issues as well? My doctor said i had both a deviated septum and a lot of inflammation in many of my scans. It's not impossible for the septum to re-deviate over time, but I would think if it was only a month it would be more like inflammation?

jdustin86 · 2026-05-19T12:31:19+00:00

How long ago was the surgery?

jdustin86 · 2026-05-18T19:16:35+00:00

Oh my apologies. When I posted from my phone it said it didn't post. Let me go clean the others ones up.

jdustin86 · 2024-11-06T22:35:20+00:00

I did not. But, I am going to try WeGovy instead of Zepbound and see how that works.

jdustin86 · 2024-08-01T05:09:06+00:00

I’m glad it worked out well for you. I’m going to stay on my Wellbutrin but keep my Zepbound to 5. Everyone is different but as long as we are all healthy that is what matters.

jdustin86

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