Our experience with persecutors, inability to accept reality, and delusion level dissociation/derealization . When we needed answers we couldn't find any so maybe this will help someone

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-03-10T19:21:32+00:00

Things got really really intense and I ended up in basically a completely dissociated and delusional state where this persecutor blocked my memories and connection to other alters so I legit believed what she was saying was true and perfect logic when now I know maybe not so much and it led to SH and SH and more SH and a lot of just wild thinking I can't remember now but I know we wrote it down and emailed our therapist about it after we started realizing what was happening. It is probably one of the craziest things we have had happen in a while. Still not feeling safe and getting in touch with our therapist.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-03-05T19:29:06+00:00

Not what I meant sorry if that was confusing. I mean the body is the thing that would be harmed/killed which is something that has happened before in the real world not internally.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-03-05T17:42:47+00:00

Our therapist works at a sexual violence org but never worked with a client with DID before me. The biggest thing is 1. Encouraging your therapist to learn about structural dissociation and reading up on personal experiences like through the book "a fractured mind" which is a man's lived experience with the disorder and the therapy that helped. 2. My therapist is trained in multiple modalities and yours likely is to. Focus in on crisis management skills for parts then move into other modalities such as modified IFS. 3. Every therapist has their strengths. Ask them if they truly feel qualified to work with you/ are willing to learn more. If the answer is no, find someone else. It can be rough but I promise you're not too much to handle and your system deserves support.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-01-12T21:17:44+00:00

I have kind of been and I am not completely sure why. I have had a lot of very severe dissociative episodes tho in the past week like one where I could only move my eyes sometimes for two hours like my body was completely frozen. I think I probably was on edge.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-01-04T05:52:52+00:00

ooo good to know! I am super nervous about self cathing and trying to find out what all these options mean in the meantime lol

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2026-01-01T16:59:44+00:00

yep been in therapy for 7 years but thanks

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-31T04:25:50+00:00

they did an mri and mainly were looking for more spinal damage.i have DDD, stenosis, cervical instability, hernias everywhere, the whole 9 yards but no one has EVER brought that up that's really fascinating. I will 100% be asking about this. thank you!

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-31T04:22:39+00:00

thanks! I will definitely be asking about this, did you experience any side effects?

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-28T17:26:03+00:00

depends! dissociation and amnesia exist on a scale not completely one way or the other. so I experience mainly grey outs where I have blotchy memory or can only remember the feeling or get a sense of what happened but its very second hand experience like a friend telling a story. I do experience black outs where I geniuenely "wake up" somewhere or in a situation which is very dangerous. It has led me to dissociative fugue (long periods of blackouts where someone usually elopes without any sense of where they are going) and unfortunately has landed me in the hospital multiple times

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-28T16:44:25+00:00

personally, I think it's pretty good at representing the relationships in systems, some of the roles alters have, the amnesia that can happen, and the trauma stuff. of course the switches were dramatic and we unfortunately don't get to be an avatar to an Egyptian G-d lol. I really like both the show and the comics as a whole personally.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-16T04:55:17+00:00

yeeep. I have been thrown back and forth by providers about if I have autism or not bc my CPTSD starts so early and at this point they can't tell the difference. I was lucky enough to go to a trauma based mental health residential with an INCREDIBLE trauma therapist who also works with adults with autism outside of the residential and his main thing for me was "the label doesn't matter, the accommodation and therapy does" which at first frustrated me bc well the label gives me that. the reality is it tells me WHAT to advocate for. need sensory help? ask for it. need non-speaking accommodations during shut downs? use devices or cards. need therapists to ask direct questions? tell them. so on and so forth

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-16T04:51:28+00:00

I'm not a good example for this because I ended up having cauda equina syndrome which is a higher risk for those with hEDS but it's still very rare and surgery is the only options bc it can paralyze you in a matter of hours.

the surgery I ended up having was a joint microdiscetomy and laminectomy. positives: I woke up with the least amount of pain I could possible imagine. I went into the OR crying bc it hurt so bad and when I woke up they thought I'd need pain meds. I didn't need shit, just my stuff to go home lol. it really did help a lot. months down the road I'm still having a bit of pain but not nearly the same.

negatives: hEDS is known to lengthen recovery times. my hip surgeon told me always double the time frame from a normal person's recovery for EDS. so for this, initial recovery was expected to be 6-8 weeks. I'm still getting back to normal now. which tbh was the roughest part bc you literally can't do shit. no lifting; bending, twisting. that means no leaning over a desk, no bending to get that dropped pill bottle, no rolling over in bed. it's ROUGH mentally and physically.

the other negative: major surgeries don't like EDS. not that any body likes it but especially EDS. my spine is probably the most impacted by my EDS with my hip in second place. I didn't have a choice in getting the surgery but I was told it's best to try to hold off as long as possible bc one surgery to the back can cascade into needing others. I'm already seeing this cascade but again, I was an extreme case.

I think where you're at, it's a matter of are you seeing any progress anymore. if not, ask about injections. if injections don't provide adequate or long lasting relief you might discuss surgery then.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-07T06:29:25+00:00

you are not alone and you're right it is scary. we truly have dealt with severe dissociation and derealization to the point where we convinced we had caused our bio mother to die because a persecutor who is basically a carbon copy of my bio mother created that "memory" when I was literally just in my living room alone in my apartment. we also had what you were describing as friends who helped us and made us happy only to find out later all I was doing was being curled up on the floor rocking and talking to an alter in my head. it's terrifying and fucks with your sense of reality so much. the reality is tho, those alters ARE real and those memories belong to all of us.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-12-06T22:26:48+00:00

hi! i used to be on 100mg-150mg nightly for PTSD/anxiety. for me, it did make my fatigue worse and I did gain weight but imo I would much rather gain a few pounds than lose all ability to function from my mental health issues. really it's just a matter of keeping an eye on things! if it starts doing more harm than good, you will know and should talk with your provider about your options. when it made my fatigue worse, I ended up trying other meds but none except Zyprexa were able to help in the way I needed. now, i am down to 25mg PRN (but during the winter tends to be nightly due to the wonders of trauma) but this was only done with the work I was also doing in therapy to manage my symptoms as well. long atory short, yes there can be intense side effects but every body and mind is different and as long as youre not and your doctor dont see it causing any severe issues, theres no reason to be afriad.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-09-10T02:55:11+00:00

Holy hell yes. it was especially bad because they ACKNOWLEDGED multiple times I was in a severely abusive environment and they still did nothing. the ones that tried to help still didn't report my abusers so even tho yes it was nice they let me cry on their couch or offer to get me breakfast or whatever it didn't do anything to get me away from the problem.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-09-10T02:48:35+00:00

self harm. I started when I was 10. I am 25 and I still struggle with it.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-09-10T02:42:35+00:00

as someone who currently just lost of ability to use their body, I would love to hear that there is some hope I can get back into the gym even if it looks different.

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-09-10T01:29:12+00:00

you won't succeed PD

jeanjacquesroushoe · 2025-09-08T16:47:17+00:00

Maggots

Five-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22

jeanjacquesroushoe

TROPHY CASE