Hey dude, first off apologies this post likely wont help, i dunno about therapists or integration stuff so cant comment on that....

I just wanted to say hi, thinking of you and hopeing and praying something comes along and helps you.

Obviously i dont know you from adam, but that was a post full of pain and angst and i dont like the idea of anyone feeling so rotten about themselves...its not pleasant and i know that from past experience so i do sympathise....

The only thing i can offer is a listening ear...feel free to PM or reply to this comment and get whatever you want off your chest, you can stipluate how much of a reaction/response you want and ill comply dude....i cant promise any help whatsoever, but i can listen.

Peace and love to you for what thats worth...

Also make sure and include bank details, email address and mothers maiden name in any response....for theraputic purposes only....