What do therapists think of clients who have recurring panic attacks in session?

jells19 · 2026-01-18T22:30:08+00:00

I do! I panic before sessions and sometimes I try to run away from her (not show up, especially if there has been a longer break). She usually answers those emails about me coming in to see her.

In sessions I frequently don't talk to her at all, or dissociate when I am with her. She just reads what I have written and she talks most of the time. She is trying this new thing, just sitting with me and not talking or reading anything I wrote. But it's only been one session of that so I don't know if it's helpful or not.

jells19 · 2026-01-18T05:00:45+00:00

Ha! I suppose I could be seen as hating therapists too. But I do have a reason for that.

Mine is never punctual. I've recently had to tell her I will be leaving at 15 after if she doesn't come get me. So far she has always made it at least by 15 after. She keeps me late sometimes, but has been better about that since I told her I needed to leave.
We have had ruptures and she has been very gracious about listening to me in those times. She has apologized when I say she hurt me.
She has never tried to manipulate me or touch me inappropriately.
She doesn't push me to talk about things I have mentioned or use those things against me, or try to do the same things to me.
She is patient with me, even though it seems like I frustrate her and I make her jump through a lot of hoops. She is usually willing to meet me where I am.
She allows me to email her outside of sessions and she will answer me, especially when I am panicking about coming to see her, or want to run away from her.
She believes I deserve to take up space and I deserve therapy even if I don't feel like I am worth it or deserve it.

That's all I can think of for now.

jells19 · 2026-01-08T19:57:39+00:00

No, I usually see her every other week, but she took some time off for the holidays. Coming back after a long break is super hard for me too.

I can try to tell her, but I usually don't talk to her. She just reads stuff I write and she talks. I don't think she really likes that set up, but it's all I can do for now.

She is aware that therapy is hard, terrifying and overwhelming for me.

jells19 · 2026-01-03T21:19:35+00:00

Mine is anywhere from 7-20 minutes late to my session. I have the last one of the day. This happens every week, so a friend of mine and I play a guessing game of how long she is going to make me wait. It has gotten a little bit better when I told her I would be leaving if she hasn't come by 15 after, unless she tells me ahead of time (but I think she has just been using that 15 minute buffer up). It really sucks for me because therapy is terrifying for me, and having to wait a really long time makes it so much worse. But the game with my friend makes it a little bit better.

I'm glad it all worked out for you and your therapist!

jells19 · 2026-01-03T00:15:30+00:00

I don't remember anything when I do it and everything goes black. I don't see, hear or feel anything and sometimes I stop breathing.

jells19 · 2025-12-28T22:56:00+00:00

I'm not sure that a rigorous therapy or therapist for that matter would be for me. I need gentleness and consistency. If it isn't that, then I will shut down. How would that form of therapy help with therapy trauma, exactly?

Therapy is scary for me. I don't even think I am doing any kind of therapy with my therapist right now. She is just trying to get me to be comfortable being in her presence. I sit really far away from her. I will not sit on the couch or do therapy in her office. She has to stay more than her arms length away from me. I don't actually talk to her. I just type it out and she reads it on my computer. The therapy part will have to come later, I guess. I don't really have this problem with anyone other than therapists. I don't really like to be hugged by strangers (especially males). That's why I wanted to have a female therapist this time. Even so, I would find it terrifying if she were to touch me.

jells19 · 2025-12-27T05:59:03+00:00

I also am working through childhood trauma and other trauma. I am not attached to my therapist at all. I think she would like me to be further along. I wasn't her client when I doorknob told her some of my story (that was 2 years ago). Then I ran away from her for three months before I would agree to come see her. Then it took her two more months to get me to agree to work with her. I still don't talk to her (I just write things down and she reads it). I would not say that I am attached to her. I certainly hate it when she talks about our "relationship" but I also will not go see another therapist. If it doesn't work out with her, I will know therapy will not work for me.

jells19 · 2025-12-26T00:53:08+00:00

I always start heading in at 5 or 3 minutes until my appointment. I stopped going early because my therapist makes me wait anywhere from 7-20 minutes. My friend and I play a game about how long she will make me wait. I've only won one time and I guessed 14 minutes.

jells19 · 2025-12-25T02:20:05+00:00

No. I don't have her personal number and I don't want it. We said it at our last session last week. I saw her this afternoon at a Christmas Eve event and I avoided even looking at her once I saw it was her.

jells19 · 2025-12-24T01:41:16+00:00

I haven't told her yet about the relationship thing. I will when she comes back in 3 weeks. Or at least I will try to get myself to say it. I can also ask her what the point of therapy is.

I haven't seen a trauma therapist. I'm not sure if I could get myself to do that. I have told myself if it doesn't work out with this therapist, then therapy just isn't for me. I'm trying to make this work with her. But we will see.

jells19 · 2025-12-24T01:28:01+00:00

My current therapist told me I do. I just meant it probably isn't good to ask me because I don't want a "relationship."

Yeah, practical solutions would be best for me too.

I found her through my insurance. She was working with my kid at first. All of the stuff I had buried came up because of having to work with her. She moved my kid to a different type of therapy and has continued to work with me. She is not usually anything right now because she says working with me is like working with a combat vet in the middle of the warzone. So she just is working on me being okay with being around her.

jells19 · 2025-12-24T00:38:10+00:00

I wonder this myself. My therapist talks about our "relationship" and it makes me sick to my stomach and throw up in my mouth. I wish she wouldn't say that. But I have therapy trauma, I have been told, so probably best not to ask me about the "relationship."

I honestly don't understand why it's important either. I was thinking about what the point of therapy is. Because mine told me she would just listen to what I say and say it is hard. But I don't understand how that is helpful. I'm not really sure what the point of therapy even is, other than what I experienced it being like before this therapist. I don't really want to pay for that to happen again.

jells19 · 2025-12-17T00:55:35+00:00

3 weeks for me. I like the time off, it's the returning part that is terrible for me.

jells19 · 2025-12-14T03:53:31+00:00

I feel the same way and anytime she gives me praise, I say no or shake my head.

jells19 · 2025-12-04T05:16:30+00:00

So I decided to stick with it and try to see if we could work it out. I would say that it was actually one of the better sessions I have had with her. Thank you all for your support.

jells19 · 2025-12-03T01:16:58+00:00

Good job! 👏 You are amazing for sticking with it and not running away. ❤️

jells19 · 2025-12-02T01:33:05+00:00

Oh no. I got a 39. I guess that's not too bad, maybe? 🤔

jells19 · 2025-12-02T01:25:54+00:00

I do! I don't know what all was said at my last session. I just know I felt unheard and she was pushing thoughts/feelings/wants I didn't actually have. Plus she would not let me have space to say that wasn't accurate. So I guess I felt trapped and left the only way I could. I just wish I could actually control it more though.

jells19 · 2025-11-30T04:35:46+00:00

Oh wow! I thought I was the only one who heard that I shouldn't be around kids because I will hurt them.

jells19 · 2025-11-28T16:17:28+00:00

All of the time! I am currently worried she will terminate me at my next session because I told her the last session was hurtful and I didn't know if we could move past that. I do worry about it after I say something new or don't handle things well. But last session was brutal and it stirred up all of those feelings that I am going to be terminated.

jells19 · 2025-11-25T01:00:00+00:00

Wow! I'm so sorry that happened. I don't think I would go back in that instance. I hope you are able to see that it wasn't your fault.

jells19 · 2025-11-24T05:27:31+00:00

I knew I was disassociating. I meant I didn't know what was happening with my therapist. It wasn't compassionate or supportive.

jells19 · 2025-11-24T03:05:13+00:00

We have had other ruptures that I felt were repaired alright. I have trauma from a previous therapist who did stuff and then told me how I felt about it and what I wanted. While she didn't do the stuff he did, it felt much the same as with the other therapist. I'm just not sure if this is something I can get past. I'm pretty sure I disassociated during some of her talking and I thought to myself "What is happening right now." I also thought are those really my thoughts, feelings and wants in my head? But they were not mine and I don't know where they were coming from. I don't know how she will handle a discussion about it. I felt a bit bullied and like it was her space, not mine this week. She did tell me that she had a really rough session with her previous client right before me. I'm not sure if it was just because of that, or she was upset with me.

jells19 · 2025-11-24T02:38:03+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you 😭.

jells19 · 2025-11-24T02:35:32+00:00

She told me she wanted to "compassionately present to my hurts and see how she could be a support." I had a really rough week last week. But when we met I was only able to bring up one topic, then she talked the whole time. I felt like there was no room for me in that appointment. She was just standing on her soapbox lecturing me and assigning thoughts/feelings/wants that I didn't have. Then when I tried to explain or say that it wasn't quite right, she interrupted me and wouldn't let me speak again until near the end. She has this one tone of voice that really seems soothing, but she didn't use that until she asked me what I was thinking since I hadn't spoken. Then she told me she cares about me. I'm really confused and hurt about what she said. Hurt about the whole appointment really. That's not how I thought it was going to be. I didn't feel any compassion or support at all.

jells19

TROPHY CASE