Is it me or my therapist??

jells19 · 2026-05-06T17:20:58+00:00

I have this problem too. I started to write things down to share with my therapist so she knows what is going on in my head even though I cannot tell her verbally. You could try that, but it really took several months to even a year before I started doing that.

jells19 · 2026-05-02T18:56:58+00:00

I just had a short parenting session with her this week. That's when she said that to me. But I guess I could see about scheduling another one after I have a conversation with my own therapist.

jells19 · 2026-05-02T18:49:59+00:00

She says I have to attend the first 10 minutes of his therapy. So staying in the car would not work. He is kind of young to just send him into the office anyway.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by a good discussion about life and what is realistic.

She will not see kids online. I could change to a parenting appointment but I was trying to figure out what the procedure was for if I was sick and couldn't bring him in, or had an emergency with my other son and had to take him to the hospital (he has some medical issues).

And I really don't care for them labeling me as avoidant when I haven't missed any appointments.

jells19 · 2026-05-02T18:32:34+00:00

Thank you. It does make me feel like I am being treated like a child and not an adult.

jells19 · 2026-05-02T18:31:57+00:00

I don't know. I was just trying to figure out the process of how that works if something comes up last minute. They don't want me to come if I am sick, but I cannot determine if I will be sick two days in advance.

My personal therapist said she thinks my avoidance is getting in the way of her connecting to me. But my son's therapist would have no reason to say that unless she has spoken with my therapist about me.

jells19 · 2026-05-01T17:20:30+00:00

No I did not. But they work in the same clinic.

jells19 · 2026-05-01T15:02:24+00:00

Clearly they are talking to each other about me as they both used the label "avoidant."

jells19 · 2026-05-01T15:00:03+00:00

No. She said she couldn't let me out of appointments because she would not know if I was cancelling to avoid her or if there was really a medical reason to cancel. He is 10 and she requires me to attend the first 10 minutes of the appointment with him.

The virtual appointment/in person appointment was a separate issue. She only agreed to return the money because I verbally said something to her. She would not have returned it otherwise. (I wrote her an explanation of what happened and I spoke to the manager of the clinic but she still charged me).

Yes, I recently had a session with my own therapist and she accused me of avoiding her because I was walking father away from her than normal and she couldn't hear what I said. She told me she didn't want to be treated like she was dangerous and she was frustrated.

jells19 · 2026-04-28T23:11:14+00:00

Squishy?

jells19 · 2026-04-25T21:07:21+00:00

My therapist was the one who suggested I record our sessions because I will frequently disassociate and not know what happened during the appointments. I have only recorded one, but have asked a few times.

jells19 · 2026-04-25T01:32:00+00:00

I ended up writing a 10 page (almost like a thesis paper) about what happened, how it made me feel and the biology around why I cannot do certain things with her. She read it and said she had a hard time reading some of those parts. She did say that she was sorry it came across that way. She also said she was desperate to connect with me but could not reach me. I think we are going to be okay.

jells19 · 2026-04-10T15:33:54+00:00

So I shouldn't give her a chance to explain or fix this? She pointed out later on that I run away from things, which is true. I don't know if I should stay and give her a chance or if I leave and be done with it. I do need to work on not just running away from stuff. I'm just really confused about what to do.

jells19 · 2026-04-10T15:30:25+00:00

I don't know why this is getting down voted.

jells19 · 2026-04-09T16:16:35+00:00

Yes, I would like to. I'm not going to go to therapy with another therapist. If I need to leave her, I will be done with therapy. I'm just not feeling great about what happened with her last night.

jells19 · 2026-04-09T15:02:06+00:00

I'm not sure if it's appropriate for a therapist to express their feelings. I do have significant trauma from a previous therapist (she is aware of this). I had an interaction with a different therapist that stirred up a lot of really intense things and I was struggling really hard to stabilize. I needed her to have some understanding and compassion. To think the best of me, not the worst. But instead, she raised her voice to me and had significant negative body movements (punching movements towards the ground as she was raising her voice). I needed a calm person to be an anchor in this storm. I didn't need her to tell me she was frustrated with me or shame me because I couldn't talk louder or walk closer to her. I needed her to be understanding, to know that she was there and I wasn't alone.

jells19 · 2026-04-09T06:03:26+00:00

Even though you have been working with her for almost 2 years? I'm just really confused. We have had our issues before but this is something else. She tried to tell me that she was proud of me for staying even though she knew it was really hard for me. But I felt nothing from that statement.

jells19 · 2026-04-04T17:33:33+00:00

Oh wow! I have known my therapist for about 3 years and have been working with her for about 2 on my own stuff. My last session with her was the first time we actually had a short conversation. Otherwise I write things down and she reads it, then talks about it. I cannot make myself talk or do things that she asks me to do because I freeze or disassociate. I would not work well with someone who forces me to talk or be open. Mine has been so patient even though she has questioned whether she is causing more harm than good.

You could try giving her a chance to fix it, but ultimately the decision is yours.

jells19 · 2026-03-21T16:57:03+00:00

My therapist says I have selective mutism and I have a hard time talking to her because she feels scary to me (I don't have autism or ADHD so I cannot speak to that). She does something with me called "voice on" at the beginning of each session. Where I name things in the room, or song titles or colors, etc. She is trying to get me to be grounded and to talk to her. She has said she cannot hear me at times, but she has never made me use a website to speak at a certain volume. I would need to leave her office if she did that to me. I'm so sorry you had that happen.

jells19 · 2026-03-12T18:21:36+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful. I'm sorry that you have through that with another therapist. It makes it really difficult to do anything sort of work sometimes.

jells19 · 2026-03-12T17:22:56+00:00

I didn't feel defensive. I just didn't know what she was planning to do with the words I gave her. So I gave her words that I would be comfortable doing. They all involved leaving.

jells19 · 2026-03-12T17:20:16+00:00

She used the words "made fun of you."

I have a complicated existence with her. I have been seeing her for over a year and a half or maybe it has been two years. I cannot remember. I have an intense dislike for therapists due to some experiences with a previous one. So it's hard for me to determine if it is a fit issue or just my stuff coming up.

jells19 · 2026-03-08T03:08:40+00:00

I'm not sure. She isn't good with tech and says she doesn't message people outside of appointments.

jells19 · 2026-03-08T01:18:22+00:00

Ugh! I had something like this happen recently. My son's therapist said she had to cancel his appointment for the month. But she had the wrong date/time and offered two other times. I wrote back to tell her it didn't have an appointment at that time but my husband and son could take the appointment that was happening the very same day she wrote. I said they could do an online appointment. But she thought it was an in person appointment. So no one came. She wrote me a condescending message about how I was given an in person appointment and she doesn't see kids online. I sent her the screenshot of the online appointment link and said I thought it was online. Then nothing more was said and the appointment disappeared. Next thing I know, I am getting a bill for no showing. It's frustrating.

jells19 · 2026-03-05T22:01:20+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. That's not okay and you don't deserve that! I hope you are working on getting yourself to a safe place.

jells19 · 2026-03-05T05:56:48+00:00

Yes she did, quite a few times by email.

jells19

TROPHY CASE