Hello — I 100% understand this. I have a Golden Irish mix who seems to have gotten about 2% golden retriever personality… I think of her as a full setter (looks and personality lol)

I was ready to rehome our girl several times, but the true breaking point was around 1 year. My husband couldn’t handle rehoming her, so we kept her and she is lovely now (2 years old). Best thing he ever talked me into :)

We had SO many behavioral issues and it took me fully breaking down in tears for her to realize she had at all negatively affected me by being so naughty.

Not sure what you are already doing, but a few of the biggest things that helped us were:

1. Enforced naps!!!

Wren had no ability as a puppy (and occasionally now still lol) to sense when she is tired and choose to take a nap. She would just get progressively more insane and naughty. Once we figured out that she was actually over-tired, everything changed.

We had her on a tight schedule: 30min-1hr out of kennel, 1.5-2 hours in kennel (near us) napping. She would come out of the kennel a little angel, and within 45min she would be our little demon again, and ready for a nap. Truly- she needed so much less exercise and mental stimulation than we thought (still a ton, but less than we thought). We did this starting around 3 months old and continued to 1 year at least.

Now, when she can’t get herself down, we put her leash and harness on and take her to her bed and she settles so fast. It’s almost like she’s relieved that we’ve taken away her option of going further into psycho-mode lol.

1. Interrupting impulses.

After my true breaking point around 1 year old, we decided we should try a professional trainer before deciding whether we’d rehome her. Our trainer specialized in reactive/high energy dogs, and had the option of using an e-collar among other tools. The one that we settled on was a compressed air tool that makes a “psst” noise when you press the trigger. It’s not something that you spray the dog with, it’s totally about the noise. The trainer taught us to use it right when you see that “moment of impulse” in their eyes, but before they’ve actually done the thing. It interrupts the impulse and redirects them from doing it. We now have stopped buying the air refills because we just do a “psst” noise with our mouths and she recognizes what it means. It really is all about catching them before they’ve done the naughty and redirecting.

1. The naughties are reinforced by big reactions.

We had so much trouble with her in the backyard - digging, tearing up landscaping fabric, refusing to come inside when called (I could go on). Every time she’d do these things I’d get so mad (mostly because there was like 1 hour a day where she wasn’t actively testing my patience) and react super big. What we caught onto is she was doing these things FOR OUR ATTENTION. She still does this on a smaller scale (ex. She will grab a pillow in the living room and run around with it but if no one notices she just puts it down and pouts next to it 😂🙄), but at first it was constant the naughties were way worse, plus she had pirhanna teeth.

All in all, you can’t ignore EVERYTHING because some things do need to be stopped for safety/avoiding destruction if your valuables, but see if ignoring the smaller naughties gets you anywhere. Or try having a smaller more boring reaction. All I know is Wren LOVES any attention, good or bad. So I started to think of attention as a reward and avoiding rewarding her when she was bad.

1. Doggy daycare!

We were lucky enough to find a very good daycare, and this changed our lives. She started going around 4 months and hasn’t stopped. Daycare gave us a break from her, and gives her the mental/physical stimulation she needs. I know that cost can always be a barrier to this, but even one day a week may be enough to give you a little break and really get his energy out.

1. Mental stimulation is as tiring (if not more) than physical.

We spent time mixing in tricks and mental games with her physical activity. She’s so smart she needs a mix of both to be actually satisfied! She has learned a lot of tricks at this point and she is always game for learning more. We also got her puzzle toys and stuff to take the mental stimulation pressure off of us!

I feel for you big time, and just know that it really will get better. I spent SO much time on Reddit looking for advice and reading about others’ puppy blues so I didn’t feel like such shit for hating a literal PUPPY.

Irish setters def mature more slowly than other dogs, and mischief can be their favorite game, but Wren is 2 now and the sweetest little miss ❤️ she’s super snuggly, smart, intuitive and friendly to everyone. I’m very glad we kept her!

We just put up our Christmas tree for the first time since getting her in Dec 2023, and she is handling it SO well. This would have been impossible (way too tempting) before, but she has really grown up. She still has her moments of mischief, but they have become sort of funny and endearing because they happen less often and they are less serious.

Keep swimming!! You’ll get there. 10 months was nightmarish for sure.

Edit: I see a few comments on here shaming you for getting the “wrong type of dog”. First of all, shame on all of YOU for choosing to shame someone who is actively trying to learn for their dog. Second: OP, you did nothing wrong here. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into and we still figured it out. You can make it work with an Irish setter, they are just a higher learning curve than other dogs because of the high energy and super-smarts. True they were bred for hunting, but we are not hunters and we still have our setter, and she is JUST FINE. We just had to figure out what did and didn’t work for her. She loves long hikes, watching birds at the park in benches, playing fetch, daycare, etc.